Ugh. I think I'm catching a goddamn cold. The lady cut my hair really short. I don't like it. Oh well, it'll grow out to the length I want it in a few days. Thank goodness my hair grows fast. But ugh, it's really short. I look like one of those fucking chinese boys that live in the middle of no where on a farm picking vegetables with their fucking asian-fied chinese farmer hats. Yep. I can't wait until my hair grows out. By the time I get back to school, it'll be the length that I want it, or just about, so it's all good. I haven't talked to Bettie in a while. Okay, I talked to her on umm, what's today..Tuesday? I talked to her on Sunday...but that was only for like ten minutes. I miss her. I had a dream that I was working at Blockbuster which was somehow next to my parents store. I have a feeling I was dreaming something else that was more disturbing. So I might get my car back on Thursday. I wanna go to group and I wanna eat at fucking Panchos!!! And of course, I want to see fucking Bettieee. I can't wait. I'm not getting my hopes up though, cause I don't want to get disappointed and pissed off cause my parents won't gimme back my car. It's been like.............a month..actually I think only 3 weeks.

Today's the 9th. Wow. Bettie and I have been going out for three montheroos. I'm so sleepy but I'm at work now. I'm not so scared about getting hurt anymore. This being the longest relationship I've ever been in doesn't scare me anymore. I mean, I've opened up to her completely, and I've realized that I can't even close myself back up even if I wanted to. I've accepted the fact that I will get hurt, no matter what. When she leaves, it'll hurt like fuck. But it doesn't scare me anymore. I wanna spend as much time with her as possible. Maybe this is why things feel so calm right now. I've always worried that our fighting or lack of seeing each other would inevitably cause our break up. The break up. Something I was soo very scared of. I mean, yeah, still scared of it, but not so much. I don't know why. I don't know how to explain it. Bettie said on her xanga that she feels like I'm becoming more and more like a friend. I don't know if that is a good thing or bad thing for her, but to me that's a good thing. And Bettie is feeling more like a friend to me too, a different kind of a friend, but the friend vibe nonetheless. I think it's suppose to feel this way. But I could be wrong. I should ask my parents. Haha. Or it could be that I watch too many romantic movies.

I mean, when we first started out, we completely skipped the whole friend part. I didn't know how to be friends with someone and then see if things could grow from there, and neither did Bettie. As much as I tried to make it like that, I failed miserably. So the whole friendship part we just kinda skipped. But now, she does feel more like a friend. Oh, I don't know how to explain it. It was more lust then friendship. But I do love her. Make sense? It barely makes sense to me. I know Bettie doesn't tell me a lot of things. I know she keeps a lot of things to herself. Maybe it's this friendship vibe thing that she needs so she'll be more comfortable talking. Or maybe it'll be backwards. I don't know. But I very much wish I could talk to Bettie right now, but the fucker is in school.

Me sleepy.

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