It's funny. If this was a few months ago I wouldn't be writing about love. I don't think I believed in love that much at the time. I believed it, but never believed that it would happen to me. It's amazing how my life has changed so much since then. I must say, EVERYTHING has changed. I'm no longer the same person that I use to be, on the outside at least, on the inside I still am. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Shit, I don't even know why I am typing this. I was thinking about all my friends I have had in the past and now. Yes, this is leading back to Priscilla. Damnit, that wasn't suppose to happen. I wasn't planning on writing this! Anyways, of all the friends I have had, Priscilla was my only genuine friend. Seriously, now I understand why she said, "Jessica is my only friend." Or perhaps, she's the only true friend. There might be a difference. Of all the people that have left my life, Priscilla is the only one that I genuinely miss, this is excluding Bettie of course. She's different. Hehe. Yeah, she told me last night to let Priscilla be. It's hard. So very hard. My mind wanders back to her even when I try to stop myself. If I really want her back, I have to. So I guess now is the time to let go. I've always been terrible at letting things go. This entry was suppose to be about Bettie, not Priscilla. Bloody hell.

If you really love someone, you'll let them go. Now that I'm in a more optimistic mood from last night, I'm glad that Bettie's going to go to boarding school in New York. I'm glad she's going to go make something of herself. She's going to have so many opprotunities there. Yep. She'll be the best. I'm happy for her. I'm happy that she'll finally be back where she's always wanted to be. New York. This isn't going to happen until like September, but I might as well get this shit off my bloody chest so it'll hurt less. I'll miss her. Yeah. But people come and go. Mayhap, she's one of those people. One of those people who come into someone's life changing them into a better person, and that was all that they were meant for. I'm happy that Bettie will get a chance to do what she wants. All I ever wanted was for her to be happy. And if she's happy, inside, I'll be happy too. =) Take the bad in with the good. It's a balance. Wow, I haven't thought like that in a long time. I'm in a strange mood right now. I just want her to be happy. And if this will make her happy. So be it. At least, I know I'll be giving her one thing. I won't be leaving her like I feared I would do. It hurts when everyone you've ever known has left you at one point or another, and it's come to the point where you don't see the point of opening yourself up if they're just going to leave anyways. It's a good feeling to know that you won't be left behind this time. I told you I wouldn't leave, Bettie. =) I probably just jinxed myself. At least, I'll be giving her that. I'm in a very pleasant mood. Si si, I am.

But my dreams have been totally fucked up. I'm surprised I remember them. I'm surprised they're so easy to analyze. Except for that one, which I don't remember now. I've had it before. It was a good dream, with suspense and everything, even though I knew what was going to happen. I had a dream that my dad died on his birthday. It was a strange feeling I had in my dream and when I awoke. Love. I do love my dad. I love my dad more then I like to admit. More then I show. *Pleasant sigh* I'm in a dangerously strange mood. I'm about to leave for school. ISS here I come! God, I feel like I've wasted 8 hours of my life in there. Just sitting there doing nothing. Ohhh, we have a sub today. Fuck yeah!

Gotta go. See ya!

I love you Bettie!

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