My optimism has left me. Now, the after effects of what happened the past few days has really hit me. I miss Priscilla. It's one thing, when you realize what's going on but it hasn't really sunk in cause all of it's just words. It's a whole different story, when you can see your friend online but you can't talk to her. It makes it more real. My hair is going to turn gray at the age of sixteen from worry. How is she doing? How is she taking this? What is she feeling? I want to help! But I can't. This is all out of my hands. I can't do jack shit. My dad says I worry too much. I can't help but worry. I can just imagine every single word her mother's says, and Priscilla believing it. Even my own grandma said skipping school is not that big of a deal. And my grandma is the type of person who gets really mad because someone doesn't wear enough red which is suppose to be good luck. In other words, my grandma gets mad over the stupidest things, but she herself says skipping school isn't that big of a deal. I don't like what it says in Priscilla's profile. Probably the reason why I am freakin' out right now. "Times change." That's something she would say if she's giving up. I hope to God she's not giving up. Not like this. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. This is sad. I miss her so much. And now, I'm crying. I guess it's better if I just let this all out. Priscilla was the first person that I ever let in. She was the person that taught me how to love and care for another. She was the only person that has ever stayed in my life for so long, not including family of course. Our friendship was the type of friendship that everyone wished they had, but few could ever achieve. She's like a sister to me. Now she's gone. This would be so much easier if I could just hate her mom and blame everything on her. But it's not all her mom's fault, it's all of ours. And I can't hate her. I can't hate anyone. Deep down inside, I blame all of this on myself. I miss her.

I can't help but think this is all my fault. Even though I know it's not. I don't believe it.

I love Priscilla.

I'm scared of the real world. That's why I try so hard to keep my innocence. Because once you're in it, a lot of people forget what it's like to be young again.

I'm scared she'll shut me out to deal with the pain better.

its likely that none of this shit with priscilla is as bad as you think, but as long as you keep fretting it may be ok for her because somewhere it all has to balance out. and nothing can ever be as good as you imagine, everything comes to an end somehow. i have a deep respect for your honesty. i find it so easy to read all these words and let them hit me later, i dont even know you but i had the strangest dream the other night that somehow involved you and something you had written here. what can i say?
» painless on 2004-02-29 04:34:26

priz
what is her username?
» BruisedBettie on 2004-03-01 12:44:43

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