Wow. Priscilla's mom called me on my cell phone and left a message bitching about how she doesn't want me around her house anymore, or to talk to her daughter, and she doesn't want me to call ever again. She said she wished I would call her so she could bitch at me and get this shit off her chest. Yep. Interesting, eh? She caught Priscilla and I skipping. Now I have to go to her house tomorrow and apologize. I hate apologizing when I don't mean it, but it will kind of make things easier. So I had to tell my parents that I skipped. To my surprise, they just talked to me. I am so glad that my dad didn't freak out and start bitching at me. I was already emotionally fucked up. I don't think I could have dealt with that. But he just talked to me and stuff. It was pretty cool. And we went out to dinner. I'll say some of the tension has left, but it's still there. Crawfish season! Fuck yeah. I'm going to go eat with my parents Friday at this crawfish place and hopefully I'll be able to talk to my dad. It's almost his Birthday. I don't even have to wait until Father's Day to tell him how much he means to me. I'm going to make him a card for his birthday. I have to be good now and not skip school and shit cause that's what he wants for his b-day. Sooo...that's what I'll give him. I hope Priscilla's okay. God, this fucking sucks! If only she would get online.

I'm waiting for Bettie to call. I've managed to block off my emotions again, or right now I think I would be crying. I love my dad though. And I think I'm going to start talking to him again. The way he was describing me in the past was amazing. I never knew he thought that way about me. But unfortunately, that Jessica is long gone. I don't know how to get her back. It's always been like that. I excel in everything I do to a certain point, and suddenly I start hitting rock bottom. In everything I was ever good at, it was always like that. School, TaeKwonDo, Flute, Softball. I don't understand it. I just suddenly lose my passion. Maybe I got tired of the competition. I don't know. But I miss it. Especially TaeKwonDo, but I'm just not there anymore. God, I remember when I punched Jeffrey in the nose on accident and it started bleeding. That was when I was in like first grade. Heh. I remember the chick Shannon, and we would spar each other all the fucking time. It was great. I don't remember much of softball when I was little though. I just remember the past few years, and well, that was when I already lost my passion for it. Flute. It's strange, how I can be the best for four years straight and then suddenly drop all the way to last chair. And I'm not quite sure if it was the competition that I liked better or what I was doing. I think I liked the competition, and suddenly became tired of it, so I stopped. It's the competition that drove me, I think. The motivation to win and be the best, be better then everyone else. I think I lost my confidence some where along there and could never bring myself to believe that I would be any good. I don't know. I can't remember.

What a fucking eventful week. First I get into a wreck and get grounded, then I nearly have an emotional break down, and then I find out that we got caught skipping. I'm trying to work things out with Bettie. And...a friend of mine..keeping her name anoymnous (sp?) for the sake of privacy...just told me that she's into girls. So if I ever become ungrounded and I'm able to drive my car, I'm going to take her to group. It'll be a good experience for her. To see more people like herself. Glad to know my Gaydar works. God, I'm pathetic....just last year I didn't even know what that word meant. Okay. This wasn't that depressing of an entry. Go me!

Bye byes!

Sorry, you do not have permission to comment.

If you are a member, try logging in again or accessing this page here.