I didn't go to 4th, 5th, or 6th period today. Instead, I went with Chhai to Condom to Go to go look for a strap on. And we went back to his house to watch a porn movie. It was pretty great. But then he started to feel me up, and I kept telling him to stop and he wouldn't. Fucking fuck. I hate it when he does that. I hate it. I am not going to spend another night crying like a little baby. Things were a lot easier when I just blocked all my emotions away. I should start doing it again. It'll make things less complicated and less dramatic.

So Bettie thinks I'm becoming uninteresting. That's no big surprise. It was only the trashiest of trash people who ever liked me, and Bettie is way better then that. Heh. Like I said, she'll find someone better then me and move on. Let's play shrink on myself. How do you feel about this Jessica? I'm hurt. Why are you hurt? Because the person that I love is beginning to find me uninteresting, and I don't know why, and it's not like we have good communication going. What will you do? What exactly is there to do? All I can do is just sit around and watch it happen. Heh. You can't force someone to find interest in you, if they don't. And I'm not up for being fake. Why do I have a feeling that this is going to be ten times worse then how I felt after May? Let's pray that I have the strength to move on. One obstacle after another, eh?

=/
i hope things get better with bettie... i don't think you are uninteresting =] but i know that doesn't count for much, feel better ^_^
» dreaming4heaven on 2004-02-25 10:07:54

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