wow..i'm out of school..i just can't believe that it's all over...i mean, yeah, i haven't graduated yet..but i'm just so close to the end that it's kinda scary...i mean, all i've known the past 13 years is getting up and going to school...seeing my friends everyday..comming home and doing homework....groaning b/c i hate getting up every morning....getting excited on friday's b/c the next 2 mornings i can sleep in....it's just really sad..i'm really gonna miss being in school....i'm not gonna miss THE school i'm in, but i'm gonna miss the idea of seeing friends every day and complaining about the little shit...i guess the little things in life aren't so bad anymore...realizing that i'm going out and facing the big world of jobs and college and adults...i mean i'm an adult now, but i was still in school...but now i have to go out there with my head held high and take what's in store for me...what if i die? what if i don't make it in life...what if i become a bum on the streets? i really don't see that happening to me, but it could happen and you never know what's gonna happen in the future..i'm just really emotional about the fact of leaving high school..maybe it wouldn't be so bad if i had my mom with me...but there i go again, being spoiled and whining about my mom...but i really don't care..i miss her so much and i'm so sick and tired of people hating their moms...like at school...i hear people saying " i wish my mom would just die" and i'm thinking, yeah, i thought that once too, and guess what..it happened....so be careful what you fucking wish for, b/c sooner or later it'll fucking come true... i just get so sick and tired of being alone...well not alone, but without a family..my dad could care less, except i think he's finally realizing that i'm not his little girl anymore...b/c last night when i came out to jim's..i brought some of my stuff i packed...and i think it made my dad realize that i'm gone soon..b/c when i called him to let him know i got out here fine, he was all sad sounding, like he had been crying...makes me sad to leave him alone, but i need to move on with my life and make something of myself, if not for me, then for my mom..b/c i know it's what she would have wanted me to do..she wouldn't want me to cry, she'd want me to be happy and live my life, but it's just so hard at times like these that i can't take it and i break down and cry and almost join her, but if i did try to join her, i wouldn't be going to heaven with her...so i have to stand strong and hold off untilt that one day when i'm finally granted the permission to spend eternity with my mom....that's the day i'm waiting for...that's the day i'll be truely happy...but enough of that....it's makin me really depressed now..

jim and i figured on a ballpark wedding date...meaning not sure of the date, but something along the lines of June 16, 2007....8 days after my parents got married...no details yet, just a date b/c i'm sick of saying " oh we haven't discussed it yet" when people ask me the date...so now i have a figurative date to give them.

i think jim's a little ''miffed'' because i kinda girled up his room...i packed my dvds and a ton of my stuffed animals to bring with me....only the animals that meant something to me thou, like the duck my mom crocheted me when i was a baby and the elephant she got me and the numerous things that mean something to me, plus my care bears..can't go anywhere without them :P i ended up taking over his dresser too, b/c from here i leave for hershey...so i needed clothes for sunday thru next sunday...so i had a huge duffel bag filled to the brim with clothes, and then a suitcase stuffed with clothes and shoes..i brought 7 pairs of shoes with me..haha..i think i need help...but you never know what you're gonna wanna wear!!!

but i'm off...i wanna get a shower before it gets too late!!!

i love you my prince charming

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