ONE MORE PERSON ASKS ME AND I WILL DEFINATELY SNAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


'Cutting is bad, stop it' You think I do not know this?!?
'*glare*' Fuck you
'You're stupid for cutting' Again, I know!

and number one -

When did you start cutting and why do you it?

>.
One more time, I swear!

Might as well answer it...

When did I start...mmmm....-contemplates- Umm.. 3 years ago.. Yeah, that's about right. I did it for attention the first time, and punishment the second.

Anyway, why do I do it? Or rather at the moment, why did I do it? Mm... Well, let's see.. I did it for attention originally. Yeah, how lame is that. But in the more recent times, I've done it as punishment. Everytime I really hurt someone I love, like Torrey (love love), Mary (sister love) or Jeff (Friendship love), I use it as punishment. Especially when I hurt Torrey. -shrugs softly- Other times, I've used it to do what I thought was helping myself. I gave myself physical pain to try and erase the emotional pain. It would help me remember my sins everytime I looked at the scars and would mentally chastise me. I also noticed if the physical pain was greater then the emotional pain, then it wasn't worth cutting over and I soon just realize how stupid the person/thing was. But if the emotional pain was greater then the physical pain, I waited for them to forgive me, or hurt me again, or hurt me back. It's really quite stupid, but it felt good to see the blood. It was an atonement... Stupid, I know.

But the thing is, if you read this and try and understand, you won't be able to understand. You'll find it stupid and ridiculous and you shall mock me for it, considering what a whiny, little ungrateful bitch I am. But I don't care, but you just don't under stand, and I hope you never do.

It's something you start on your own and must finish on your own.. So forgive me if I do not listen when you yell, glare, flick, scream, bitch, and/or whine at me.


Weekly updates-
I - miss Torrey
am pissed at Liz
am tired
am annoyed at the moron, who has decided Christians are 'fucked-up'.
love Torrey
hate you because you aren't leaving a comment.




^_~<3 Lemme a message.

a couple logs before
How the hell am i severly depressed, with strange optimisim twards my freinds?!?!?!?!?!? love ya, as a sister
» rose (205.188.116.10) on 2004-07-05 04:12:01

crazy girl
Y was I not part of your most recvent entry with the whole friend list thing...like funniest, serxiest, wirdest, and so on????hmmm????? am i not good enough?????
» JoLiE_PaPiLlIoN on 2004-07-05 04:27:33

Hey...
I understand...we each have our own ways of coping with our pains...that's yours. I know you don't like to talk about things, but if ya ever need to, I'm on Yahoo.
» Ralph (69.29.167.238) on 2004-07-05 05:41:00

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» Williams (202.108.50.73) on 2010-09-02 12:45:44

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