I refuse to cry.

I shouldn't cry.

I can't cry.

I won't cry...

I don't know how to cry...

Can I cry now that I'm done denying the tears running down my cheeks? 'Sides, I don't cry... My eyes just get red and puffy and I blow my nose alot...

This is so lame. I am so mad at myself and I'm taking it out on people I love.

I've screamed at Lara... and Tony.. and Kyle.. and I let go on Corwin.

Corwin- Hey!! ^^ What's up?
Meh- What the fuck do you want, you fucking gay piece of shit!?
Corwin- Yep, I'm gay ^^ Must you be so mean?
Meh- WOULD YOU FUCK OFF!?!? GO FUCK KYLE, you little SHIT! I fucking HATE YOU, AND YOUR DADS RIGHT! YOU DONT DESERVE TO LIVE!

Yep.. and I told Tony to make Lara give him head to shut her up. Why am I pushing people away?? I just want SOMEONE to love me.. and at the moment? My 'mother' is passed out on the couch, stoned drunk.. Surrounded by 18 empty beer bottles. There were 19 but she was straddling me and slammed my head into one and it broke. I really am hardheaded.. :-/

Oh damn... I was supposed to go to guidance because of Mary today. She put her blood in a vial and gave it to Sarah, who promtly drank it. Vampire... SO I dragged her up to the G.C office to talk to Mrs. P (Cool lady) and she said she'd call us down 'round 1:30. Well, she didn't. And I was kinda mad. But then I realized (And this was a startling revolution, I nearly fell out of my seat) I can NOT solve things for myself. Wow... I JUST figured that out.

DeadWandererSoul: I figured it out.
ind3c3nt3xposure: what?
DeadWandererSoul: I figured out what I dislike most about you.
ind3c3nt3xposure: That I'm a hypocrit, that I refuse to see the good in my life, I screw to much, I'm a rude little bitch, I blow thing out of porportion, or all of the above?
DeadWandererSoul: None of the above.
ind3c3nt3xposure: Ohhh
ind3c3nt3xposure: SOmething I didn't think of..
ind3c3nt3xposure: mm
DeadWandererSoul: *winks* You're too fucking ungrateful.
ind3c3nt3xposure: I think that falls under 'refuses to see good in life'
DeadWandererSoul: That makes me sad. What I said specifically displeases me.
DeadWandererSoul: The rest will come if you're patient. Being ungrateful is just bad manners and a poor attitude.
ind3c3nt3xposure: Ohh, I'm DEFINATELY rude
ind3c3nt3xposure: definately
ind3c3nt3xposure: and yeah, I have a bad attitude because I am really really really sick of seeing my mom drunk a
ind3c3nt3xposure: and then she calls me the stupid bitch
ind3c3nt3xposure: and really? I dont care any more
DeadWandererSoul: That's a problem. You're not going to live with your mom forever. It's actually for a very small fraction of your life that you'll endure that.


I love you too, Tony dearest.



It's a pity he's right, isn't it? Ah well, life goes on, mother gets drunk, screams a bunch at me, calms down, goes to bed, wakes up, whines at my dad, does whatever, then gets drunk around 6 ish!

The fabulous life of my mother is SO beautiful, 'tisn't it.


Number Of Days Since Torrey's Been On Last - 3
Number Of Days I've Missed Him - 3
Number Of Days I've Wanted To Talk To Greg - Not enough space for the number
Number Of Days I've Been In A Bad Mood - 3

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