listening to: 'Heaven' by Live
mood: Down

Yep.. the subjects pretty accurate. I hate myself and I'm ashamed. I screwed up majorly and now I'm losing the man I love, because I was a stupid whore.

Meh and Marc and Liz went to a movie and there were only two seats. So I sat on Marc and he was kissing my neck and stuff. Then he slipped his hand down my pants and fingered me. I knew what I was doing, I knew I shouldn't do it, and I regret it as I let him do it. It didn't even feel good! WHY did I do that... I don't know. I like Marc, I guess, he's nice. But I LOVE TORREY! I hate myself so much for doing it...

I cut 'whore' into my wrist. Not deeply, really lightly. Just.. as a reminded of how sickening I am. And how disgusting. I have begged forgiveness from God and I took communion... so hopefully, my sins are washed away. But.. I can't face Torrey. I'm not his equal any more. And I don't think he'll forgive me. I mean, if I can't forgive myself, he probably won't...

SilmarwenOfMrkwd: You made a mistake, so what?

Yeah, it was a mistake, but it was stupid, sluttish and sinful and that's against EVERYTHING I hold valuable!

I make myself sick.

Anyway... if ya'll wanna talk... (443) 520-4916 is my cell... call me there, I'm gonna go watch a movie, and I ain't picking up the phone...

Much love...



I’m sorry if this bothers you
I’m sorry if you hate it
I can’t be perfect, not even for you
The icon of perfection doesn’t fit

So my apologies if this suicide is troublesome
I’ll try not to dirty the floor
It’s only you that the pains coming from
And if this doesn’t work, I’ll try it once more

Tonight I’ll break my custom of self-mutilation
The Dead don’t need a new way of saying
“Can I lose the aggravation, give into temptation?”
I’ve found a new way of confession, a new way of praying

So my apologies if I die, I’m so much of a bother
I’m sorry if you can’t get out the stains of my suicide
Get the room cleaned and blessed by the Father
I wasn’t okay, I’m sorry that I lied

One cut, for a time of happiness
Second cut, for being obsessed
Third cuts for you, never being around
Fourth cuts a treat, for playing the clown

Aww
Sorry to hear that. At least you didn't cut it deep into your wrist.
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