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hikarixgaki
Age. 24
Gender. Female
Ethnicity.
Location , NJ
School. Boston Univ
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this is my site // disclaimer
P.S. The passwords to protected entries will always be "watermelon" as for 9/27/06. For all password protected entries before then, just ask me for it but most likely the password it "pleasedont".
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i'd love to support them, but...
4/22/09 (wednesday)
I have two friends.
Well, not just two friends. But I'm just singling these two out for right now.

I'll call the girl C. She's on the tall side and she's very bright, probably one of the top students at her all-girls school. She's also your stereotypical, clumsy girl - she takes dance lessons, but you wouldn't know it if you looked at her. Sure, she's tall and thin, but she can't walk in a straight line to save her life. She carries around a small, folding brush in her pocket all the time to occasionally brush her shoulder-length, straight, black hair, and she refuses to get contacts because the thought of touching her eyes on a daily basis freaks her out. Oh yeah, and she loves talking with her hands - I went out to get italian ice with her and she went on the phone, telling her dad where she was, and put the ice down just so she could karate chop with her hand.

Do you get the picture?

I've been friends with C for a long time. When we were in kindergarten, I considered her my rival because in Pre-K, I was the smartest kid in the class. Upon her arrival, I was brushed aside, but in later grades we were nearly equals, though I like to say that I did better. Our parents even worked together, so even though we don't go to the same school anymore, we still keep in touch and hang out occasionally.

I'm also friends with this guy, I'll call him B. I've known him since I was in sixth grade, though we never really started talking until high school. He's on the very tall side; on the first day of freshman year, he confused some girls that thought he was already a senior. Mentally, he's a great student - he maintains a spot on the honor roll while still taking all honors classes (as do I, ahem, but this isn't about me), but with the way he talks and writes, you wouldn't think it. Sure, he says intelligent things, but his mannerisms make him sound like a five year old, and I can read Japanese better than I can read his handwriting (chicken scratch, in his own words). Hell, he still chews on and can't stand for a long time without hiding his hands in his sleeves.

And don't get me started on his dating awkwardness. He's a sweet guy, but he just can't get a girlfriend. It's not from a lack of trying - I know that he's actively pursued two of my best friends (and we all laugh at him behind his back about this - I'd say no offense, but that would be a lie; he's my friend and all but...) and he's asked out at least two others, but they've all turned him down.

Despite all these little annoyances, we still stay friends. I'm comfortable talking to him about almost anything, except maybe one.

You see, a week or so ago, C and B started to date. I don't know where it started, I don't know how it started, but from the moment I saw it, one word went through my mind - desperation. C had just broken up with her boyfriend a few months before. As the first guy that's ever asked her out, I could tell that she was still kind of attached to the feeling of having a boyfriend. B... he just screamed 'desperate' after being rejected almost four times - I feel sorry for him, but I just can't accept their relationship as of now.

Maybe it's because I don't want C, who's been my friend since we were toddlers!, to go out with a guy that gives off a desperate vibe. Even if I do know him, that doesn't keep me from being a little skeptical about them and what he really wants from her.
Maybe I'm still in shock because two of my best friends have just started going out, out of the blue. The only other time I had seen them together before this was at my sweet sixteen, when they disappeared off together after both complaining to feel 'hot' and 'sick' on the dance floor. Mind you, this relationship sprang up two weeks after this - and I hadn't heard of them hanging out or talking during this period of time. Though they might have.
Maybe I'm just jealous. I've always viewed C and B as the most awkward out of all my friends, and I though I know I should feel happy for them - hey, they've both found someone that can make them happy - I'm still kind of clueless as to why I haven't found someone for me yet. Hell, two of my best friends have guys to hug them and text them in the middle of school, hell, in the middle of the night, while I'm at a loss as to where I should even begin.

I'd ask them when? why? but the discomfort that I feel toward their relationship keeps me from bringing it up - I'm afraid that I'll bring up the way I feel about them together, and this might disgust them. Now that I think about it, the thought of them together actually kind of disgusts me too. Maybe I'm just avoiding the topic because I don't want to throw up a little in my mouth.
In any case, I think both of them kind of understand how I don't want to talk about it. I don't know what they've been saying to each other, but neither of them have really talked about the other one to me. I hung out with C the other day, and she outlined the day before as school, hanging out with friends downtown, watching a movie with B, being happy, sleeping. No details about their date or anything. The same thing with B, the only time I've ever talked to him about her was when he had his phone out in the middle of class - "Who are you texting?" "My girlfriend, who else?" And that was it.

I'm not the only one who feels this way. I hung out with three other friends from our group, and the topic of C and B came up. "Who else isn't comfortable with this?" one of my friends exclaimed, and the rest of us voiced our agreement. It was great to have that out in the open, but I don't know how I can - or if I'll ever be able to - support them as a couple.
2 Comments.


thanks for the comment!
» renaye on 2009-04-23 09:50:28

I can see how you'd feel uncomfortable... I have a friend who was also in a relationship I wasn't exactly comfortable with (the other person was not my friend, however), but I bit my tongue. There was really no use for me to be spouting my opinion for no reason; expressing my opinion isn't wrong, yet she was my friend -- I couldn't hurt her feelings like that purposefully. Well, a few weeks or months later, they broke up and we both had a good laugh at her less-than-stellar choice. Your case sounds extra thorny though b/c they're both your friends. Hope everything works out...

BTW, thanks for the HYD love and I friended you on last.fm :)
» bluetopaz on 2009-04-27 12:53:17

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