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Meh i dunno
Thursday. 11.25.04 10:21 pm
okay...updating once again...listening to U2 - Unchained Melody...you know that song from Ghost? well its that song only this is the U2 version...i dunno why i'm listening to it...i like U2 though...i mean come on, the song With or Without you, gotta love it...they can get pretty weird though with their songs...good band though

Anyways...the past two days and for tomorrow i've had the house to myself...no thanksgiving dinner for me...nope, i ate hotdogs for thanksgiving...i had the worst headache today too...it started around 6am and just hasn't stopped...i took like 4 aleve to make it go away but it didn't get rid of it...it was horrible this morning...my head was just pounding...and it hasn't gone away fully yet...but yeah all i've done today was go online and watch TV

I watched some football today...the first game was a blowout...colts killed the lions...unfortunately things aren't looking good for my fantasy football team cuz the quarterback threw 3 touchdown passes to a guy thats on my opponents team...the second game dallas beat chicago...two teams i could give a shit less about...i also watched some MTV

I watched some of the Real World...i dunno why i watch that show, its horrible...what they do is find people who are in long term loving relationships, put them in a house and make sure that those people cheat on whoever they're with...its horrible...what an immoral show...its like a train wreck...its horrible but you can't stop looking at it

So i downloaded some oldies yesterday...i really like some oldies...i mean come on, theres some classics out there that are just really good..."Smoke Gets In Your Eyes", "Earth Angel" "Crimson and Clover" "Stand By Me" "Another Saturday Night"...classics

You know, if i actually had balls, i think i would try to be a singer...i can sing some songs pretty damn good...and you know, i could take lessons and all that...i could be decent...but i've only sung in front of one person, Lacey...that was really hard...so if i can barely do it in front of her, theres no way i can do it in front of strangers or more than one person

Bandit, my dog, has been extremely annoying today...she licks herself, chews on herself, scratches herself, makes whiney noises, and smells...all day...drives me insane

I'm kinda depressed at the moment about some things...nothing i haven't mentioned before but still...so i think i may cut this entry short...not that great of an entry but its cuz i'm depressed...maybe i'll add onto this or make another entry...i may make a private entry again...we'll see...talk to you people later

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I'll mess with this later
Friday. 11.19.04 7:23 am
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Kollin, read this every now and then
Tuesday. 11.16.04 10:57 am
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Random Shtuff
Monday. 11.15.04 5:30 pm
Well the last one was password protected there...i wasn't going to make it that way but oh well...new entry...might be short, who knows

I bought the 311 - Greatest Hits CD the other day...pretty good...see 311 is the type of band where you just wait for the Greatest Hits CD cuz all of their other CDs only have like 1 or 2 good songs on it...another example of this is The Smashing Pumpkins...awesome Greatest Hits CD but their other CDs only have 1 or 2 good songs on it...thats probably one of the best Greatest Hits CDs ever...a lot of times when you pick up a greatest hits CD, you're like "well great of course but they're missing songs"...see with 311 and Smashing Pumpkins, you don't have to worry about that

I just watched a show called Motormouth on VH1...friends will have these guys put cameras in your car and then they'll record you singing and being a dumbass in your car...fortunately people haven't done this to me cuz i do sing in the car and do dumbass stuff in there lol...funny show though...they had some guy who listened to 80's rock on there and did like the air guitar stuff...some Indian girl like screaming the song...she like went through a drive thru like singing to the people...some guy singing boy band crap...this white guy rapping...quite entertaing since i have nothing to do

I woke up twice cuz i had to pee...the last time i just stayed up...come on!...twice!!!!...that normally doesn't happen...you would think after the first time it would stop and wouldn't happen again but noooo, had to pee twice...i dunno what was up with that either...right after i peed the first time, i felt like i had to pee again...i was just like "ugh, i just peed, we're not doing this again" and went back to sleep...thats the only thing that prevents me from sleeping 16+ hours...cuz for some odd reason, after i pee, i have a very hard time getting to sleep again...thats what pisses me off...lately, if i wake up in the middle of the night, i have a hard time getting back to sleep...it didn't use to be like this...i love my sleep...its quite an amazing thing for me...i use to be able to sleep forever...not lately...i actually to think before i sleep "man i hope i don't wake up for another 8 hours" cuz anything will wake me up...and now this peeing thing...screws me up

I do drink a fair amount of water at night but thats cuz i have heart burn 90% of the day...you know what i need to do?...i need to set a time where once i go past it, no more water...that way i won't wake up at like 10am, having to pee, and just stay up...why do i want to sleep so much? cuz i have absolutely nothing to do and i love sleep...that sounds like a plan...see, writing helps me figure these things out

On heartburn...i'm going to do several things on that...i need to eat better...this is starting to be a serious issue...well actually, its been a serious issue for at least 4 years now...i use to take tums and maalox like they were candy...at night, oh man, at least 6 of them...it was horrible...two words for yuh "baking soda"...seriously...put baking soda in some water and drink it, its instant and it lasts...and supposedly helps in other areas too...i take this every night...most nights i just have to take it once, every now and then twice (like on the nights i eat pizza lol)...but now, its like i have to take the baking soda at least 3 times a day...its horrible...i woke up today without eating anything, i drank water...WATER...and i got heart burn...the acid in my system is way too high...so i'm gonna try eating better...even on friday and saturday nights...i'm gonna avoid eating pizza...i'm gonna avoid eating spicey foods...no more taco bell...it just hurts too much...sometime in january i'm gonna make an appointment and get x-rays and all kinds of checkups to see if maybe i have ulcers or serious damage to like my esophogus (sp?) and other things...it just hurts too much i can't stand it...i mean pizza and all these foods taste great but afterwards it just hurts for too long...so i have to lower the intake on those foods and make an appointment as soon as i can

So, onto college stuff...i signed up for classes in the spring...heres what the schedule looks like:

ITSC 1401 - MW - 9am to 11:15am (Intro to Computers)
ACCT 2401 - MW - 12pm to 2:25pm (Prin. of Accounting I)
HIST 1302 - TTh - 10am to 11:20am (US History II)
ECON 2301 - TTh - 11:30am to 12:50pm (Macro-Economics)
GOVT 2301 - TTh - 1pm to 2:20pm (American Government I)

Gonna be a rough semester but i think i can handle it...in the past, i've had horrible study habbits and done my homework at the very last minute...considering i have nothing else to do, i'm gonna go back to my ways (kinda) in high school...see i use to do ALL of my homework and do it on time...sometimes even right after class...i need to start doing that...and i use to study more...i need to do that too...i figure i talk to people less now anyways and i hate thinking "oh man, i hope i'm doing okay in this class"...i like feeling good about my classes...so i'm just gonna do my best to put academics before anything else...i'll take my breaks but i'll certainly make academics my priority

Kinda surprised at the classes i picked? well theres a reason...see i started becoming unsure of my major mostly because i was just thinking "meh, i'm just gonna end up in the same place and it really doesn't matter"...well my dad came to me and talked to me about something...he wants to start his own business but he also wants my brother and i to be partners in it...like all three of us owning it...which actually sounds like a very good idea...construction company of course (home building)...well my dad knows practically every area of it, my brothers an engineer and here i am...well i could get a business degree focussing on financing or marketing and that would be a major side of it...doesn't sound like a bad idea...that is a major part of it all...so my dad figures i'll go do that, my brothers an engineer and well my dad knows a lot about it...put all three of us together, that could bring success!...i think hes right...so most likely, my brother will get out of the army in like a year or so...afterwards he'll go work for an engineering company to get experience...i'll of course graduate in like 2 or 3 years-ish...maybe work for a company to get experience myself...so like 2-4 years from now all three of us will start this up...well, and theres stuff we can do inbetween there to get this ready...pretty good basic plan there and i like it...gives me motivation too...even if my brother doesn't go for it, my dads gonna start his company one way or another and i like the idea of being apart of it...so i'm gonna do that...he wants to make a successful company and eventually leave it to my brother and i

Lets just picture for this for a moment, putting aside the negatives...potentially in say 3 years, i could be part owner of a company...my dad said something like split three ways that way in order to make a decision, 2 out of 3 of us have to agree on it...sounds good to me...along with my degree and experience before doing all of that, while doing this, i'll gain experience in many other areas too concerning construction and engineering etc...i dunno, sounds pretty nice to me and knowing my dad and my brother who are very intelligent on these things, it could most certainly work...to be honest, i don't think i'm that smart on most things...a lot of things go in one ear and out the other with me...but if i work hard, gain experience, i think i could make it

With those 5 classes, i'm kinda worried about money (ugh damn ebay!!!!)...i have about $700 right now (i had about $850 as of like two weeks ago, damn ebay!!!)...but i'm selling things on ebay...if all of my items sell, i could get $300ish out of them...pushing me up to $1000...plus i need to sell my books back...so i think i'm gonna make it...i'm gonna do a payment plan though just in case...plus theres Christmas (damn this holiday!!!!!)...but i think i'll make it...ebay is on my side for Christmas...thats right, cheaper prices on nice things!...so i'm gonna make it...i think

Ever played Rollercoaster Tycoon 2? I mean you would think, meh not that great of a game, why play it BUT it actually is quite entertaining...i installed it today but haven't played it yet...fun game...i bought that game a while ago and really haven't played it that much...probably because i played the first one way too many times...so after this entry, i'm gonna go play it for a while...listen to my music too

Speaking of which, you should check out Shadows Fall...pretty good band...listen to this...i bough their CD for $8 at Best Buy...it included a DVD and a sampler CD...$8!!!!!!!...gotta love good prices...things like this make me very happy...i can go further with this...when i worked at Wendys, i use to get a 50% discount...their dollar menu is awesome...picture this...three double burgers for $1.60...$1.60!!!!!!!!!...god that is just awesome...yeah i know, i'm very cheap...i love coupons too...its quite sad sometimes...but yeah, good band

So...thought this was gonna be short?...oh well, once i get going, its hard to stop me...i shall make another entry soon!

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Ah! An Idea!
Sunday. 11.14.04 6:13 am
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Thoughts...somewhat long
Wednesday. 11.10.04 11:44 pm
Two days in a row...must be a record...well i'm bored...a little depressed...a little happy...so i decided to write in here again.

Well as i mentioned before i got another ebay sellers account...i'm selling like 8 things right now...all of them CDs...all of them i was going to sell on my old account until it was suspended...of course, the ones that aren't still sealed, i copied and everything...pretty much i'm just looking to get my money back on them, maybe a little profit...hopefully i'll get a big profit off of them but i may not...if all of that goes well, i'm gonna look into buying some more CDs off of a couple european websites and see if i can myself a profit there...if you're smart and you know what you're doing, you can make a lot of money just by buying to resell...which if i'm consistant at it, i may not even need a job! lol joking...probably what'll happen is i'll buy a bunch of stuff, sell it, make a decent profit and take half the profits and buy stuff for me...as opposed to last time and spending ALLthe profits on stuff for me lol...i need to save up money...its really tempting though walking into Best Buy or looking up stuff on ebay and wanting to buy...i mean lets face it, $8 for a CD at Best Buy is a pretty damn good deal there...so if i can just slow that down and save money, things will go well from there.

I talked to Michelle today...its kinda unusual...its like when she says things aren't going so well, part of me sits there and says "yeah well good cuz you hurt me and things aren't peachy for me either!"...but that thought only comes in for a brief second...i start to feel bad that things aren't going well for her...and i even feel bad for thinking that up there...then i just wanna make her happy and cheer her up...even with like a guy or something that shes seeing...i'd hate the thought of it and i'd be jealous as hell but i know i'd still be thinking "well, i just hope he treats her well and i hope shes happy"...and she said she was depressed so i gave her compliments and told her i'd always be there for her...i'm sure it made her feel better which is good...they weren't fake either...although she did lie to me and make me feel like shit, i still feel shes a great person and i really would always be there for her...and things like that go for a lot of people...like Lena for example...she did hurt me a great deal but i would still always be there for her...thats just the way i am.

When people are going through rough times and they mention it to me or i can sense it, then i do my best to make things better for them...even if its a person i'm not so fond of or dislike...i think thats why i've always managed to stay friends with my ex girlfriends...even if i was treated poorly in the relationship...or even if i was to blame...and to be honest, i've always thought that i was a pretty decent friend but not really boyfriend material...i can make good friendships with people but when it comes to an actual relationship, it just falls apart eventually...but its good that i can come out of a relationship, no matter how strong it was or how hurtful the break up was, and stay friends with that person...i guess you could say that i give too much in a relationship for it to work out but give just enough in a friendship to make that work.

In a way i think that, that may be the problem in a relationship...that i give too much and that i'm too nice...a couple of my friends even said that...and so i was thinking that i should just lay off being that way...not give so much...and its not like i'm giving that much because i wanna go fast in the relationship, but i think it may come across that way...but i was thinking i should just lay off doing that and not show my affection as much and not give as many gifts and things to the person...but then i started thinking again and you know what? i shouldn't have to change that...i shouldn't have to change the fact that i'm a giving person in a relationship...that would be changing the way i am...the person i'm with shouldn't think thats a problem...the person should appreciate it, give just as much, and be happy that thats the way i am.

And i come out of relationships very hurt...but down the road, when i look back on it, i always feel like the person didn't give hardly enough in it...i mean i'll send e-mails, i'll give flowers, chocolate, letters in the mail, all kinds of other things...not only that but i'll tell them how much i care about them...give them compliments...practically treat them like they walk on water...but what do i get in return?...certainly not all that up there...maybe in the begining or for a brief period of time but not throughout the whole relationship...in FACT, i get bull shit thrown at me like dishonesty, cheating, etc etc...i mean what the hell did i do to deserve that shit?...so not only am i not getting as much as i'm giving but i'm also being lied to and possibly even more?...i mean everybody lies...including myself...but i certainly don't lie often...in fact, hardly ever at all...because i just really hate dishonesty...and when someone, especially the person i'm with, lies to me, it hurts me...or when the person i'm with keeps things from me...personally, i don't think i'm asking for very much...but then again, maybe i am...i'm not asking for perfection...what i'm asking for is for someone to generally give as much as i give in a relationship, for honesty, for trust, patience, understanding, and respect...and other things but those are big ones...and respect means a lot...when you're dishonest with me or you're not giving as much or you're treating me like shit in some way, you're disrespecting me...or like with Michelle when she believed that i made that phone call...did i ever do anything to make her think i wasn't someone who can be trusted? no...have i ever lied to her about anything? no...in the two and a half years i've known her, have i done anything to intentionally hurt her? no...but she believed it was me and didn't believe what i was saying...thats disrespecting me and thats also bull shit.

I've done some things in my life that weren't good...like getting in the middle of pete and ashley's relationship...i broke a couple promises in there and probably said some things that hurt people and i wish i hadn't of...i thought i was helping though...at least those were my intentions...to help...and concerning a relationship myself i've done a few bad things...but i've learned from them...i remember back when i was with Brooke and i flirted a ton with Lacey and eventually dumped her for Lacey...that whole thing there was totally wrong of me and a horrible thing to do to someone...but i've learned from that...don't feel too sorry for her, she did the same thing to me twice and treated me even worse...back to my point though, i've learned from my mistakes...and i do my best not to make those same mistakes...and i realize why they were wrong...i think thats a good thing...everyone makes mistakes but if you learn from them, realize why they were a mistake, and you do your best not to do those mistakes again, that makes you a good person.

I don't mean to sound full of myself cuz trust me, i can pick out a million things i don't like about myself...that would be like 3 entries right there...but i believe in general, i'm a good person...a nice person...and i believe that i have a good amount to offer in a relationship...i know i'm certainly not the best looking guy and i know i certainly don't have the best personality but overall i think i'm a good person...and i think what i listed up there shouldn't be too much to ask for, especially when i'm more than willing to offer those things in a relationship myself.

I'm a firm believer that there is that "one" person for everyone including myself...i think you can truly love more than one person, but theres just one "soulmate" if you will for everyone...i also believe that you will in fact be with that "one" person eventually...whether its now, 2 weeks from now, 30 years from now, or after you die and (assuming you haven't done too many bad things in life lol) you're in heaven, you'll be with that "one" person eventually...so i think i will find that person...i'm just at a point right now where i want that "one" person and right this minute...concerning Michelle, i did truly love her and i'll stick by that because its true...most likely, she isn't my soulmate...maybe she is and we'll be together again...and i'll be the first to admit i'm certainly not over her...either way, whoever it may be, i'll be with that person eventually...i'm just a little impatient at the moment and it gets to me...sometimes even depresses me...but it'll happen eventually.

Well had to get some of that out...when these things build up inside of me again and i'm bored and depressed then i'll let it out on here...talk to you peope later.

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Band(s) of the Week
Metallica, U2, Elvis
Currently Doing
Well my usual...which is procrastinating
Wuzzup!?
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I'm hungry...got any food?

"Warning...you are now entering the mind of Kollin...kinda scary in there!"

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