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A New Entry! Spring Break, Strip Club, Cleaning et
Thursday. 3.17.05 8:29 pm
Hmm...well i guess i haven't updated in quite a while...i just figured there wasn't much to update about...the same old crap you know?...i usually just complain a bunch about stupid things too...but hey, why not make a new entry anyways, right?

Well i was wanting to wake up at 1 pm today...that didn't happen...because i stayed up so late i woke up around 4:30 pm...insane huh?...i wake up to every single alarm, shut them off, and go back to sleep...why? because theres no reason for me to be up...there really isn't much for me to do (well there is, but i'm just procrastinating on that)

Today was a cleaning and organizing day...oh yes, big time...see i like things clean and organized...its nice...makes things less stressful on me (not that theres much for me to stress over but still, little things help)...so i organized tons of things in my room and i cleaned...i didn't vacuum (i'll get to that tomorrow...well, maybe)...but i did dust!...i know, you're thinking "holy shit! has he ever done that before!?"...which you might be right lol...i don't dust...i clean the tv and computer screens, thats about it...but today i really dusted...everything electronic, furniture, pictures, remotes, the cat, things on top of furniture...okay, not the cat...he just observed...but the whole nine yards here...i dusted the fan too...oh man was that horrible...you would not believe the amount of crap that can get stuck to a fan...horrible...i also got rid of that smashed spider thats been on the ceiling since november

Everything looks great though...organizing wise that was mostly the cabinet above my desk...the only things i keep in there are CD cases and my Live Shit Binge & Purge Metallica box set...my 485 or so CD cases were out of order and have been for mehh 5 months or so...thats been bugging me...so i put them in order...(how? oh i've been keeping a list of CD's for the past 8 years...its in chronological order)...i organized stuff in my desk...stuff in my night stand...things like that...put some CD's back into my CD cases...oh its so nice...every single one of my 801 CD's are accounted for, neatly put into my four 200 capacity CD cases, and they're zipped up and stacked right next to my desk...the 1 CD thats not in my cases is a rare sealed Creed CD...first CD they put out, on Blue Collar Records...i'd love to hear how different the songs are but i just can't make myself open it...everything looks nice though

Most importantly, i took the trash out...it had a really nasty smell...a combination of ranch dip and taco bell kinda smell...quite disgusting...i have no idea how it got the ranch dip smell but i did have some taco bell the other night...okay onto other things...my room does look nice though!

Spring Break
Well i usually don't do much on spring break as it is...mostly i've just been sitting on my ass...been hanging out with some friends...playing Gran Turismo 4 a lot!...i love that game...theres only two games out there that i will pay full price for (that being $50)...those are Madden NFL games, and Gran Turismo games...why? because they're the two best games in the world!...everything else i'll buy when it gets below $40 or usually below $30...but yeah, haven't done much

Week before Spring Break
the week before spring break took a lot out of me...i had some tests...two papers to do...over 350 pages of a book to read...homework...it was insane...i literally averaged 2-3 hours of sleep a night...so if you didn't talk to me much that week, that was why...major pain in my ass but most importantly, i got everything done...i love how professors just decide to give you a bunch of shit right before a holiday or break...i'm telling you, by thursday, i felt like death...i was a walking zombie...so even though i haven't done shit on spring break, it feels great...i can sleep, not worry about anything, just relax

During Spring Break
There are some things i should do with the rest of my free time...and i'll probably get started on all of that tomorrow...i got accepted to Baylor, UIW, and Sam Houston...haven't heard from UT yet...so i really need to look into prices...pros and cons of each...i need to do the FAFSA thing...and i really need to do some homework...although i could easily put that off until starting monday and still get everything done (yeah that'll most likely happen)

With Baylor, i mean its a great university...i'm surprised i got accepted there...it would look great on a resume and i'd get a great education...pretty much the same thing with UT except i haven't heard from them yet...UIW is a private college...it looks beautiful and i'm sure i'd get a great education from there...plus i'd get an apartment with pete if i went there...they also offered me a $4,000 a year scholarship because my GPA is a 3.43...with Sam Houston, the prices i've seen so far look actually really good...plus its only 45 minutes away from where i live...i could just live with the parents (although they drive me nuts, that would save me a great deal of money)...so lots of decisions there...either way i'm sure i'd have to get loans and financial aid...its all good though

The Other Day
I went shopping with Pete, Ashley, and Jenna the other day...bought a couple shirts...see usually i just get shirts from people for christmas so i wear those...which they just happen to be West Point shirts, Broncos shirts, and shirts that just have stupid stuff on them like "starter"...which it doesn't bother me at all...but i bought a couple nice shirts...stripes on them, collar, buttons...they look nice...i'll probably go buy some more when i have the money...maybe another pair of shorts too...another pair of jeans...i also need to get a new watch...or have this one fixed...the problem with it was the battery but for some reason i can't change anything on the digital part anymore

When it comes to sports i've just been looking up football news on free agency...trades, releases, signings, retires...things like that...i really should start getting into another sport...basketball probably being high up there on the list...maybe baseball...basketball is a little more entertaining...the only thing with getting into a new sport is you gotta know all the statistics...what are good numbers, what are bad numbers...you gotta know what players are good, what players have potential...the new rookies...things of that sort...the best way to probably get into something like that is playing fantasy basketball or fantasy baseball...kinda forces you to get to know these things...in order for your team to do well, you need to know all aspects of the game...so i'll probably do that...another thing would be, what team would i go for?...with basketball i think jessica mentioned the spurs...the denver nuggets sucked for a long time there, probably still do so i probably wouldn't go for them...at one time i liked the sonics...but the spurs would probably be a good choice...with baseball theres the astros...i did like the rockies at one time...in fact i'd probably stick with them...i've been to several of their games anyways...including in their first year...the third possible sport would be Nascar...which wouldn't be bad...its just even though i'm a guy, i really don't know shit about cars first of all and second of all, thats the kind of sport i know the least about in terms of statistics, who's good, who's not, etc etc...so probably basketball...i know a lot of people just get into the NCAA basketball thing but its a pain in the ass trying to figure out players that way because a great deal of them change every year...same with NCAA football...with that i usually just get a couple draft magazines and see what the rookie class for NFL is gonna be...beyond that i don't pay much attention...besides, usually NCAA football is going on when the NFL is going on...right after pro football i go to the NHL...after the NHL i'm just suckin...so probably NBA...spurs...i could do that

Yesterday was a little interesting...i woke up around 2:30 pm with my mom yelling and banging on my door cuz she was pissed at my dad...she wanted me to pick my dad up at the car dealership cuz he was getting some work done on his truck and wanted to go home...so i go there and my dad's like "hmm well i didn't know it would take you this long to get here so do you just wanna get something to drink?" and i was like "sure" figuring we'd go to like Whataburger or something and grab a soda...so he pulls into this place called St. James and i'm thinking "hmm i think i know what this is but please tell me i'm wrong"...and my dad's like "i've been meaning to take you here for lunch for a while now"...you know what it is? its a strip club...i just could not believe it...i felt embarrassed...then he had us sit in the very front by the main stage part...just wasn't good for kollin...if you know me, you know i don't like being in public whatsoever...but kollin at a strip club? just can't picture that...and like one of the dancers got like right in front of me doing her thing and she said hi and all that and my dads like "hmm i think she likes you"...just about killed me...i'm just not the kind of person that would go to places like that...i mean yeah, i'm a guy, i enjoyed the scenery but still...i guess i wasn't as embarrassed as i thought i would be but i still was...probably because the alcohol loosened me up a bit haha...but driving all the way down to the dealership, all the way back, then driving to boston market to get food, driving all the way back, then driving all the way to ashleys, driving all the way back...i think i spent half the day in my car...oh and i went to the gas station...twice...once because i didn't have my gas card so i put $10 worth in there...then i went there again having the gas card...crazyness...and although i knew everyone at ashley's, there were 4 other people...i know everyone jumps on me for not talking much but more people, no matter how well i know everyone, means less talking from me...but overall, that was an interesting day i suppose

I went to the doctors the other day and last time i was there i weighed about 185 lbs but when i was there the other day i weighed about 170 lbs...so i guess i've lost around 15 pounds in the last like 2ish months...eating healthy does that to you i guess haha...i could feel it though...like my pants don't fit me that well anymore...so i have to wear a belt with everything...when i get some money i'm gonna go get a couple pairs of shorts and pants along with new shirts...crazy though...it takes me forever to put on a couple pounds but it takes me 2 months to lose 15...usually with me its like i can eat tons of food, healthy or not, and barely gain any weight...but i start eating healthy and i lose 15 pounds...weird...but good i spose...now if only i could push myself to work out...i'll go buy some weights, maybe do some stuff by myself...i dunno if i can handle working out with other people around...i didn't enjoy it one bit when i was in football...we shall see

Anything Else?
Beyond all of that stuff there really isn't anything going on with me...in terms of stress and such, there is one thing but i'm not gonna be open with it on here and chances are i'm not gonna be open with it with any of you guys...usually when things are bothering me, especially lately, i don't feel like discussing them...i guess i just feel like i probably already know the answer to my problems and people probably aren't going to make me feel better about them...its like, i know what the problem is, i know how to fix it, or know ways of fixing it, i just can't push myself to fix it...probably doesn't make sense but there you go

Addition to the Entry
Its quite late but i was laying in bed thinking like i usually do and came to this conclusion: i bitch about my looks fairly often so why not improve that for myself?...i mean it really doesn't matter what other people think but if i improved these things, it would make myself feel better...i'm not talking about big improvements, just little things...i'm not out to impress anybody...but i do want to look decent at least so i can get to the point where i can look in the mirror and say "you know, i look pretty good today"...lets think about it...i have some money coming to me (late birthday gift) so i'll use that to improve things some...i do have a few pairs of decent jeans and shorts...maybe get some more of those...the two shirts i have look good, maybe get a couple of those...i do need new socks (they're a little longer than people wear, but i live in texas now so there really isn't a need for those)...so theres the clothing...i've already been working on eating right and i've lost 15 pounds...like pete said, i could buy some weights, do some excerises...improve that...i'm not too impressed with my hair but it does look better...so i should cut back on wearing the hat...i shave like once every 1-2 weeks so i should shave more often...i don't really put cologne on unless its for a certain occassion but why not start putting some on?...all of these things are very doable and wouldn't require too much out of me...i'm not totally satisfied with the way i look so i should change it...theres a few others too but i do things to improve those as well...and i'm on the right track with that...buying new clothes, getting the hair cut, losing weight...i'll take it to the next step...if i can do these things, i'll feel much better about myself, and i think it'll give me more confidence in myself...i don't mean to sound selfish or anything but i just sat there thinking "it feels like i'm doing all of this to impress others...to look better for others...although thats fine and dandy, i should be looking at this as trying to look better for myself"...and really thinking that way is more motivation for me to do these things...other than the fact that i'm really shy, my looks is the one thing i don't particularly like about myself...because i know i'm overall a good person...i know i treat others with respect, i know i have a good sense of humor, i know i have morals, i know i'm pretty intelligent etc...if i do these few things and make myself look better, it'll make me feel better about myself and it'll give me more confidence...thats whats been holding me back...i haven't been putting in any effort to change the way i look and that makes me think "wow i'm ugly" which turns into "i'm not worth anybodys time" which makes me hide in my little shell not saying a damn thing...i know i have a lot to offer on the inside, if i can make the outside look better, i'll feel that much better and it'll get me out of my "little shell"...not that i really truly believe in this saying but have you ever heard that saying (and i'm trying to think of the exact wording but oh well) "you can't really love others until you love yourself"?...if i can be happy with myself then it'll improve things with other people...i've already put in an effort to eat right, to buy some decent clothes, get contacts insead of glasses, feel better about myself on the inside, things like that...i just need to keep going and like i said, its very doable...people are always saying i'm so hard on myself...well i'm hard on myself because i don't like myself...i'm not happy with myself...so why don't i change things to make me happy with myself?...i think i'll do just that

Well thats pretty much it...probably the next few days i'll look stuff up for college, make my decision on which one i want to go to, then maybe do some homework...throw in a couple hours of GT4, some TV watching, a little bit of hanging out with friends and thats the next 3 days then its back to crappy classes again...i already have projects i need to do for some classes...oh well...probably not the best entry but hey, its an entry!...talk to you people later, hope everythings going well

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Normal Sized Entry...Enjoy...
Thursday. 2.24.05 5:10 am
To put things short...

I got a 98% on my Accounting Test...half the class failed it

Got a haircut...looks alright...still gonna wear the hat a lot but maybe that'll change...i'll mess with it over the weekend

I've noticed that i'm having to study hours upon hours for tests...ah if only it were like high school where i could just study for 15 minutes and get an A or B

People are really starting to annoy me...i dunno what it is but i'm almost not liking going on aim and talking...i guess i'm just in a bad mood with all the damn homework i'm having to do

I did get Doom 3 although i haven't really played it much

I'm up to 799 CD's...should just buy that one CD and get the 800 over with...but theres so many i want!

At the moment i should be studying for a history test...its about 5 am...i have to memorize 7 pages worth of notes (that i spent writing up for about 8 hours yesterday/this morning) in 4 hours...sucks

Later today i need to finish my essays for applying to UT...you know, chances are i'm going to go to Sam Houston...still, it would be nice to know if i got accept there

I actually have to get a physical to finish my application to Baylor...can you believe that?...i mean i guess its a good thing since i haven't gotten a physical in 4 years but still...the whole turn and cough experience really isn't something i'd like to go through...especially just for a damn application...i don't even like taking my shirt off to swim in a public pool let alone having to do that

I do have a ton of homework over the weekend...but i almost don't mind...gives me something to do

I think Verizon Wireless is screwing me...somehow my phone bill was $24 over...thinking of how many minutes i could have possibly used i can really only come up with between 250 to 300...which i get 400 (very crappy plan but still)...personally, i think they've been screwing me for a while...pretty much the only way the damn bill can be normal is when i hardly talk to anyone on the phone in a month...can't wait to change that in June...i actually went into radioshack while i was waiting for my appointment to get my haircut...for the same price i could have a plan that gets me 900 minutes instead of 400 and my free nights would start at 7 pm, instead of 9 pm...talk about getting screwed

Theres no more football...hockey is cancelled for the year...oh its so depressing...i was only a fan of basketball for a short time like 8 years ago...the only time i like baseball is when i'm actually at the games...even then, i'm a Colorado Rockies fan not an Astros fan...nascar is kinda big but again, the only time i like that is when i'm actually watching it in the stands...oh how horrible...what the hell am i gonna do with my sundays?...read!?...i need a good sport to watch!

Pretty much nobody updates on nutang anymore...Pete and Ashley stopped...practically everyone stopped...people, my life is quite boring, entertain me here...give me something to read...update update update!

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Buh-dum Bum Pshhh
Wednesday. 2.16.05 7:26 am
Well i woke up at 5:30 am...not exactly the time i wanted to wake up...that time would have been 9:30 am...i really hate that...for a person who requires a great amount of sleep i sure don't get that much...pretty much random subjects again...if it wasn't for the fact that i woke up way too early i probably wouldn't have updated for another week at least so enjoy i guess

I have a list of things to do...i can either a) do my usual (that being not a damn thing at all) or b) be a machine and accomplish one task after another until victory!...so i'm hoping for b but unfortunately 99.9999995% of the time, its a...and i actually did write out a list...but if you include today, i have 5 days to get this shit done...my list:

Study, study, study for accounting test then go take it on friday (four words: pain in my ass)
E-mail ITSC professor for homework on Wed. (skipping that class to do Acct. HW)
Do homework for ITSC, proj. 4 and do whatever i missed on wed. (boring)
Do homework for Economics 15th, 10th (i never remember to do HW for this class)
Read a lot in Apollo 13 for History (way behind on that)
Get a haircut (oh its bad...reaaaaaaal bad)
Clean the car (yeah thats bad too...surprisingly my mom hasn't bitched much)
Call Ryan and do Investor Starter Kit (Ryan=my brother)
Cancel subscriptions to Sporting News, Sports Illustrated, ESPN (no NFL, no NHL, whats the point?)
Revise ebay listings (by the way, i hear kidney's are going for $125,000...not bad eh? i mean heck, you only need one of them! lol joking...really i'm joking...but someone actually did sell their kidney for that much)
Get CD's done for Eva (she won't shut up about it! lol...kind of a late birthday gift that i promised her...of course her birthday was in january...the girl has no music, i feel bad for her)
Get pigtail outlets for speakers and ps2 (i'm surprised this corner of my room doesn't glow...there's so much electronic crap stuffed into this one corner)
Get gas card to fill up the car (trust me, the second it hits a quarter of a tank my mom will bitch at me...so really i don't need reminding of this)
If time permits, fix up the lap top (things a piece of shit...solution: format hard drive)
Most importantly, eat right and get lots of sleep! (well i can see that we're not starting this off very well)

Eat Right
Yeah yeah those of you who know me really well know that i get heart burn on an hourly basis...okay not that often but at least a few times a day...so my mom only eats certain foods...organic, gluten free, wheat free foods...for a long while now she's been bitching at me to follow this "diet"...she pretty much assumes i have the same problems as she does...she thinks she knows everything and always thinks shes right (don't you hate people like that?...lol well if you hate people like that, why exactly are you reading my entry?)...okay so i finally gave into her bitching and i'm pretty much on her diet or "lifestyle" as she likes to put it...which pretty much means i eat a ton of vegies, hardly any meat, and of course things with no wheat or gluten...i like meat...big 24 oz porterhouse steak...mmm mmm good...i had like a very very small amount of turkey yesterday...before that, saturday was the last time i had any kind of meat...tis so sad...but my mom says this is the answer to all of my problems (which there are a fair amount of those) so since whether or not i go to the doctors i'd have to change the way i eat, i pretty much went with it...she's really annoying me just as much though but in a different way...she's like all happy and excited that i'm doing this and she goes on and on about what foods to eat and what foods not to eat...this not a wonderful thing here and i don't wish to discuss it every friggin day...no pizza? no taco bell? hardly any meat?...insane...insane i tell you!!!...see although all of these things are organic, wheat free, and gluten free, they can still be an "acid" and rip me up inside...sooo i have to stay away from the acidy foods as well...you do need some acidy foods to balance things out but not that much...but the acidy foods are always the best!!!!...*sighs* some people haven't even experienced heart burn at my age...that just pisses me off...i absolutely love food and no matter how much of it i eat i can never get fat...yet it affects me this way...two things i'm gonna ask for when i reach those gates in heaven assuming i make it there...a big pair of balls and a system that allows me to eat whatever i please

I can never win with people...really never...i try my best to make people happy but it just doesn't work sometimes...theres several issues i have with several people...just not good...i dunno if i should name names here...meh i guess not, some of you actually do read my entries and i don't feel like writing a private entry...so within the past couple days, two girls who live nowhere near me have said they liked me...well one said she loved me...known them for a while...pretty much rejected both of them...the whole "online long distance relationship" kinda thing isn't very appealing to me anymore...in the past, yeah but not so much now...its not so much that i can't handle it, cuz i can, its cuz other people can't handle it but think they can...and i really don't feel like playing games like that anymore...back to what i was saying though...they're nice but even if they lived right next to me i don't think i'd be with either...just don't see them that way...i feel really bad and weird...bad because well i just hurt two people, not intentionally...weird because a lot of times i think i'm never going to find that one person and a lot of times i think its impossible that anyone could like me that way...so its like "what are you doing? do you not realize that you probably won't find someone for a long time and here you are rejecting two people?"..."rejecting" is a harsh word but for the person actually being rejected, it fits quite well...but i can't go into a relationship not feeling anything for the other person and just hoping that somewhere along the lines i'll develop feelings for that person...i've done that before and it doesn't work...and a little before this happened, i was kinda sorta rejected myself...i say kinda sorta cuz she had a good reason...and i feel bad that i even asked because i was just thinking of myself and didn't stop to think that that put her in an uncomfortable position and probably added stress to her life...back to what i was trying to say...its weird i can go from that to this but looking on the bright side of things, if there is one at all, at least i know what i want and i'm not willing to settle for anything less than something like that...i'm not picky mind you, at least i don't think i am but there are a few things i require...and if someone falls short on those few things i really don't see the point in trying

When it comes to looks i'm not that picky at all...i do have to find that person to be attractive...i don't like too skinny and i don't like really overweight but as long as you put in an effort to fix those things and i do find you to be attractive then thats fine...i do tend to lean more towards brunettes and brown eyes but thats just leaning...not a requirement...i don't particularly like when a girl is taller than i am but again, not a requirement...not picky, am i right?

Personality in some ways i am very picky...honesty...big one...pretty much just having morals...can't be full of yourself...the ability to open up...intelligent...giving/caring...sense of humor...romantic...sarcastic...trusting (like if i give you no reason not to trust me then you should trust me) with me i'm sure that requires patience and understanding lol...gotta have some things in common with me...a lot of things are packed into that having morals part...i'm sure you can figure those out...no drugs...with drinking, well all things in moderation...i'm sure i could keep going...i guess leaning towards my way of thinking on political issues really helps...not meaning you always have to agree with me on things...i'm sure i could keep going but i'll stop there...for the most part those are requirements...to me that doesn't look like i'm picky...i'm sure most of you will think i am though...and you know me, i'm stubborn and don't really waiver much on things

Pain In My Ass
kinda went off the subject of having issues with people...concerning an ex girlfriend of mine...she got pissed off at me when i wouldn't tell her what was wrong one day...how am i spose to open up to you when i find you to be a fake, lying, stuck up bitch and basically the only reason why i talk to you is because i'd feel bad if i told you to fuck off?...can't open up to someone when thats what i think of them...it would be a waste of my time...i think i sent her an e-mail afterwards apoligizing but i haven't talked to her since...its stupid of me to feel bad when i shouldn't but i do

you know i use to think that i actually liked talking on the phone...i mean if you get me to be comfortable with talking to you on the phone i can talk for hours at a time...but after a little while i start thinking "okay, time for you to go"...plus for some reason i really do have a phobia concerning this...when it comes to anyone...just type in the number, press send...its just too hard for me to do...it takes a great deal for me to call someone...even like my brother, or good friends of mine...so pretty much, if i have called you, it either means you annoyed me enough for me to do it or i really really wanted to talk to you...i even have a hard time calling pizza hut lol...what is wrong with me!!?!??!

Name Tags
so i guess in spring ISD grade school kids are having to wear these name tag things that have a computer chip in them that makes it so you can located the kid anywhere he/she might be...for safety reasons...so you put it on, when you get on the bus i guess another device detects it and everythings good to go...i guess it helps with whether or not they're absent...in a way it sounds good...but i'm against this and i'll tell you why...has to do with the privacy issue...you might be saying "but thats just a little kid, they don't really have as many rights and its not like its gonna bother them at all"...that may be true buttt if we're willing to do this to kids in grade schools, then we're always going to be willing to take it a step further...and another step further...and so on...which will lead to things infringing upon your right to privacy...i think of it like this: what would legalizing marijuana most likely lead to? the legalization of other drugs...which would eventually build up and get worse over time...shut it down before it even starts or before it can get worse...i'll agree that it has some positives but for the soul reason that this will lead to more things infringing upon your privacy rights, i'm gonna have to say i'm against it

I'm sure you can bring up things that i'm for that would infringe upon your privacy rights...but i'm for those things for a good reason and i can debate with you on whatever you like and i'll tell you the difference between this issue and the issues i'm for

I guess i'll end this here...i'm having a fight with someone so i can't really focus on this...god i hate it when people assume and they don't pay attention to what i'm really trying to say...i don't like repeating myself damnit...talk to you people later

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Entry filled with randomness...only 4 pages!
Tuesday. 2.8.05 8:41 pm
Well my last couple of entries generated a lot of conversation...by the way, kiss my ass on disagreeing with me! lol joking...i think i'll talk about stupid meaningless crap in this entry...you know, those entries i get like 2 or 3 comments on...so here goes!

3 Doors Down
I bought their new CD today...its good...but i was expecting a little better...they've kinda gotten a little softer...their first CD was awesome...and their second CD, although not as awesome, still impressive...the EP was pretty good...two new songs and some live songs...this one is good though...i guess best buy is having this sale...$4 off for 2 CDs, $8 off for 4 CDs etc...but they wouldn't give me my $4 off when i went to buy this! bastards!...so i didn't get a second CD...i can save $4 just by going on ebay...fuckers...but i guess i don't need to spend that much money...Doom 3 was $20...this was $10...so thats enough for a while...oh but its so tempting...i need i need i need!!!!

Okay, i think i have a major problem with straws...every time i get a straw, and hit it against something to you know, get it out of the paper thing, it bends and splits on the sides!!...every damn time!...even when i lightly do it!!...so usually i just tear it off instead of doing the hitting thing like normal people do...but today i was like "okay, lets try this once again, maybe it'll work"...fucker split!!...ugh!

Pretty busy today...i woke up at 7 am to study...then went to class...came home, watched some tv...went to best buy...studied more...took a test in testing center...then came home...ate food...now i'm here...7 am!!!...i don't do well at 7 am and the coffee didn't help me...so now i'm exhausted and its only 9 pm...maybe i'll go to bed around 11ish...and i think i'll play the Doom 3 demo some after this entry...bought the game, should play the demo...it'll take a while for the game to get here though, being shipped from Thailand...$19.50 but i gotta wait...oh well

Well rather than study and do homework yesterday, i cleaned my room...i threw out 5 trash bags worth of crap...a lot of it was like stuff my mom saved from throughout school like homework and tests...do i really need that in my room? no..."oh but those are memories" hey i survived, thats good enough, don't need papers to prove that...so threw that crap out...a bunch of sports magazines i threw out...a lot of those...cleaned out the desk, dresser, tv stand, and night stand...tis nice...the only place i didn't clean was the closet and my mom was like "NO! you cannot throw any of that out! those are memories! and some of those things are collectables!"...i was like "alright, you can keep it, i don't want it"...its alright, my room looks better...had to pretty much sneak the trash bags out or my mom will be like "what are you throwing out? open it, let me see...some of these things you shouldn't throw out"...insane pack rat of a woman!...i like clean, simple, and organized...looks nice and its easy to deal with

Super Bowl
Almost forgot to talk about this...so the Patriots won, again...i have some complaints...first of all, i was happy with either team winning...i like the patriots, probably my third favorite team behind the broncos and titans...the eagles, i just felt bad that they've been so successful the past 4 years and they don't have a trophy to show for it...they're the buffalo bills of the auts (bills lost 4 straight super bowls)...onto my complaints...the eagles last two drives...what the hell were they waiting for on the first of the two last drives?...just take your time up to the line, throw short little passes, take your sweet time...what the hell? this is the super bowl not some meaningless preseason game!!! get your shit together!...trust me, if they would have hurried and gotten points on the board quicker, they could have kicked the ball to the patriots, called their last two time outs, stopped the pats, gotten the ball back at a better position and probably with way more time...idiots! you gave it away!...the last drive...okay you're given a small amount of time...what do you need to do? throw the deep ball and do your best to get out of bounds...all you need is 3 points so its not as bad...you have David Akers, a very accurate kicker...what do they do? fuck around again...McNabb even threw to the Running Back at the line of scrimmage, he caught it and they wasted a ton more time...wtf are you doing!?!?...throw it away! if anything, the RB should have been smart enough to know you shouldn't catch that! you're just wasting time!!...they gave that game away because they're idiots!!...very disappointing last two drives...overall, the game wasn't too exciting...there were some moments but overall, not so much...mostly a defensive battle the first half so that made it slow...once again, the Pats pulled out a close one in the super bowl...congrats to the Pats for creating such an amazing dynasty...the half time show...was okay...the stage looked cool...i like some of Paul McCartney's music but i don't think he's the super bowl half time show kinda guy...good music but you need something thats powerful and gets people really excited...i'm not saying we should have janet jackson and the nipple thing going again...but like the one before it, aerosmith, not bad...you need a hard rock band or somethin...like i said, i like his music, i just don't think its super bowl half time show material...onto commercials...soooooo disappointing...thats one of the best things about the super bowl! you get awesome commercials!...there was maybe 1 or 2 funny ones...very disappointing...if i wasn't lazy i'd complain to important people about this...i want a new team from the AFC in the super bowl next year, preferably the Broncos or Titans (wishful thinking but i have faith!)...GO BRONCOS!

Professor Dumbass
So i was half asleep and doing homework in history class but i still caught what the idiot was saying...we were talking about Plessy V. Ferguson...so he was saying that the Civil War never would have happened if it wasn't for the 3/5 compromise...in 1787 the northern states and southern states needed to compromise on the issue of slavery and counting them as property or citizens or else they were probably going to break up into two different countries...don't call me out on this cuz i'm not an expert so i'm sure theres more in this than i'm saying but thats what he said...*pause*

ZigJustice2021: i wanna be your backdoor man
AntiChangeLoser: i really don't like the sound of that

*continue* so he was saying, the 3/5 Compromise left out a few things that should have been corrected...the Civil War happend and corrected those few things with the 13th and 14th amendments...so he was saying, if they wouldn't have done the 3/5 Compromise, they would have split into two countries and saved the 620,000 people who died in the Civil War...no war would have happened because they just got out of the Revolutionary War...now, thats a nice thought and everything but i'd have to say B.S....why? i'll tell you why

Lets say the 3/5 Compromise doesn't happen...they split into two nations...one has slaves, one doesn't...North, South...do you really think the North is gonna put up with a nation right next to them having slaves?...plus, the North (during the Civil War) was more advanced than the South...the south depended upon the North in several ways because of it...trust me, it would not have worked...if a war doesn't happen in 1787 between the two, then i guarentee it'll happen down the road...the North, i'm sure, would get pissed about the slavery thing and do somethin about it...i'm sure a war would happen one way or the other...sure, maybe lives could have been spared, maybe...but it would happen one way or the other...i'm sure i can go into more detail about this but i'm tired and can't think beyond this point

Don't Ask, Don't Tell
Thats the way the military approaches gays and lesbians being in there...is this wrong or not?...if it does get out that you're gay then you run the risk of being discharged...personally, i don't mind this rule...you could argue that its b.s. to kick someone out of the military because of their sexual preference...in my opinion, your sexual preference should be none of anyones business and you should keep that quiet especially when it comes to your job...the military is not about the individual, it is about the whole...if we call attention to the individual, that is a distraction and you can't work as a whole...a gay person can fight in a war just like a straight person...a gay person can become a hero just as easy as a straight person can...i'm not disputing that...what i am saying is that you don't need to create distractions and you don't need to call attention to yourself because the military is built upon a group effort, not individual efforts...the reason this creates a problem with gays and lesbians is because the vast majority of them like calling attention to themselves and like being distractions...don't give me shit about that comment, you know its true...did i need to hear that Ellen was gay? no, keep that shit to yourself...why did she come out with that? because she likes calling attention to herself...not only that, but the vast majority of gays and lesbians feel they need special rights and privilages...so that is why gays and lesbians are so pissed at the military and this rule...you know what? nobody needs to hear about your sexual preference so shut it...do i parade down a street with a sign that says i'm proud to be a heterosexual and wear some weird outfit? no...do i go up to people and say i'm straight? do i come out in front of tons of people and say i'm straight? no...why? because thats none of anyones business and i should keep that shit to myself...so i don't see a problem with the "don't ask, don't tell" policy in the military...just means don't call attention yourself and don't be a distraction...and if you do call attention yourself, and are a distraction, you're not apart of the "whole" therefore you're discharged...just like you can be discharged for saying certain other things...you're not a civilian...you're in the military now and you do not call attention to yourself...so i say, don't change it, theres nothing wrong with it...nobody needs to know your sexual preference anyways...i'm not trying to be an asshole to gays and lesbians...like i've said before...i view them as my equal and i'll treat them like i'd treat any other person...nuff said

Praying Before a Football game
A lot of people are against that but i personally don't see a problem with it...i just read an article by Gregg Easterbrook who said if you're going to pray before a football game is should be something along the lines of this:

God, let me play well but fairly.
Let competition make me strong but never hostile.
Forbid me to rejoice in the adversity of others.
See me not when I am cheered, but when I bend to help my opponent up.
If I know victory, allow me to be happy;
if I am denied, keep me from envy.
Remind me that sports are just games.
Help me to learn something that matters once the game is over.
And if through athletics I set an example, let it be a good one.

Its not saying "please God, give me the strength to crush my opponent"...i thought that was a pretty good prayer...its also not saying "God help me win the Super Bowl" or anything like that...you always see players after a touchdown point to the sky indicating God helped them score...tis not right...but if you are going to bring God up during a sports game or before or after one, it should be along the lines of what Easterbrook said.

Well theres more stuff to bitch about but i'll cut it short...i'm sure at least that last section will generate a lot of talking in my comments...enjoy!

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Political Issues, Valentines Day, Doom 3 Etc.
Thursday. 2.3.05 4:06 pm
Well my parents recorded the State of the Union speech so i watched that today...i thought it was pretty good...so i'll talk about that...my history professor is an idiot and i'll explain why...some issues were brought up concerning what i said about Valentines Day...so i'll splain further on that...and i'm sure i'll think of more crap to say...so enjoy!

Regarding My Last Entry on Valentines Day
My section on this holiday can be and probably is viewed as me being 100% against it...I'm not against Valentine's Day...all i was trying to say was that you shouldn't celebrate your love and affection for a person on only certain days of the year...some have argued that people need holiday's like this because those are the only times of the year they can get that kind of love and affection...well first of all, its quite sad that you have to rely on a national holiday for you to be given love and affection from that special someone...second of all, if thats the case, and its a major issue for you in your relationship, then you need to find someone who's willing and maybe even more than willing to give you that love and affection throughout the whole year and not just on certain holidays...the impression i get from this holiday is that people obviously don't care enough about their partner throughout the year so we need this holiday to remind them to show love and affection towards that special someone...i'm sorry but if you need reminding of this, what are you doing in that relationship?...you could argue guys don't like showing their love and affection for the person they're with...well ladies, if the guy you're with isn't making you happy then you need to either talk it over with him and make a change in your relationship or find a new man...we shouldn't need a holiday to remind us of these things...we should be showing our love and affection for the person we're with throughout the whole year...one thing that bothers me about this holiday is that looking at it from a certain perspective, you can get a general feeling that you're being forced to buy gifts, being forced to show your love and affection towards the person you're with...some might be willing, some might be more than willing...but the holiday itself is demanding you to do these things...i don't like that...i like a holiday telling me what to do...i want to be able to do something because i want to do it, not because a holiday is demanding these things of me...looking at it from the perspective of a single person, this holiday can actually hurt you and make you depressed...a holiday shouldn't bring these feelings...a holiday should be purely about bringing joy and happiness to every person...it does not do so in the case of a single person...the only reason i bring that up is because i'm sure theres a large population of single people out there who have to go through this holiday...those are the reasons i don't like the holiday...HOWEVER (before you jump all over me because of what i've just said) assuming i was with someone i would enjoy the holiday...although i would show my love and affection for the person i was with throughout the year, i'd be more than willing to show it on valentines day as well...sure, the hearts and cupid and all the cuddly little stuffed animals are cute...and i'd enjoy and be more than willing to give these things to the person i'm with...so i would enjoy the holiday a great deal...but i wouldn't be doing those things with and for the person i care about because the holiday demands it...i would be doing those things with and for the person i care about because i'm more than willing to show my love and affection for her...so in a sense i like the holiday but in a sense i do not...take my arguements as you want to...that i just my opinion of the holiday

My History Professor is a Dumbass
So every class period in History we debate over many issues...the war in iraq, discrimination, the role of the government, etc etc...i can't help but join in these debates because he's not only an idiot but he pisses me off...don't get me wrong, he's a nice guy with a good sense of humor and i enjoy the stories he shares with us but when it comes to political issues such as the ones i just listed, he's an idiot...i'll give you some examples and what i feel about the issues i mention

"The US is the World's Police" - Professor Dumbass
So my History teacher brought this up sometime last week and i actually got into it with him a great deal...his opinion is that the United States should become neutral, get rid of all the military bases across the world, and leave everyone alone...don't fight in any wars, don't have anything to do with other countries...he feels that because we have all of these military bases and we fight wars like the war in iraq, we're being the world's police and it is totally wrong...not only that but he feels its unconstitutional what we are and what we have done...now you can take his side, i don't mind, i won't think any less of you but i'll most certainly disagree...he even went so far as to say that in World War II, we never should have gotten involved...he said that Hitler would have taken over Europe, he would have left us alone and eventually over time, his Empire would crumble to the ground just like the Romans and Greeks...is it me or is he just the biggest idiot in the world?...so let me get this right...you're saying let Hitler take over Europe and so on, and just screw everyone else we're not getting involved...what an idiot...Hitler was a murderous dictator...he believed all jews should die...he believed anyone with brown hair and brown eyes should die...he was rotten and evil to the core...you're saying we should let millions of people suffer and die...just stand there and do nothing...by fighting in that war, we saved more lives than by just sitting there and letting Hitler do his business...if i was a soldier, i'd be more than willing to die in order to save 10 people, 100 people, 1000 people however many...i would put my life on the line to save people from suffering and maybe dying...it was a great thing we got involved in that war...theres no telling what Hitler would have done if it wasn't for us getting involved...yes, american soldiers died...many of them died...but they died to save the lives of millions of other people...it is totally and completely selfish for a nation with such power and technology to simply stand by and let something like what Hitler did happen

i'm not talking about being an american here...i'm talking about being a human being...and as a human being you should be more than willing to help save the lives of other human beings...whether they are Iraqi, French, British, Vietnamese, Austrailia etc etc...i would gladly lay my life on the line if it meant several good and innocent people would live to see another day...and i will always stand by that...no, i'm not in the military...but if there was ever a time either my nation called upon me, or i felt my nation needed me, i would be there...one life instead of ten other lives is worth it...one human being instead of ten or more human beings is worth it...so don't tell me that we should sit back and watch innocent people dying and not help them you selfish asshole

I feel the same when it comes to the War In Iraq...many people are against it and i do not know why...say all you want to about weapons of mass destruction...say all you want to about oil...what it boils down to is that you had a murderous dictator evil enough to be mentioned with the likes of Adolf Hitler...are you telling me that we should sit back and let millions of innocent and good Iraqi people suffer under this dictator?...are you telling me its okay for these people to be murdered and raped and tortured?...they can't overthrow Saddam...why? because they live in fear...they've been living in fear for decades because of this man...should we sit back and let this keep going?...while you're sitting at home in your lounge chair, eating potato chips, and watching football on your big screen TV, innocent people are suffering and having to live in fear and all you have to say is we shouldn't help them?...yes, i believe Saddam had weapons of mass destruction, argue with me all you want on that issue...but i do not and never will say that that man should ever rule a country...the mear fact that we're giving innocent people the chance to live in freedom and democracy is enough for me to say going into Iraq is a good thing...60+% of Iraq's people voted in their first election...thats an unbelievable number...in the United States, we don't even come close to 60% of the population voting...thats quite sad...those people wanted and needed this...can you believe it? their lives were at risk when they went to vote but they did it anyways...why? because thats what its like to be free...the Iraqi people have broken down to tears because they can't believe it...they can vote...many years ago we fought for our right to vote and many people died...many years ago we fought for our right to be free and many soliders died...are you telling me we should sit back and not let these millions of Iraqi's have freedom?...because we have freedom we should say screw everyone else?...NO!...as a human being i feel other human beings should be just as free as i am and i'd be more than willing to risk my life to have others be that way...shame on all of you for thinking this war is wrong...shame on all of you for being so selfish...i have lost respect for you if you feel it was not the right thing for us to go in there and free these people of this murderous dictator and his regime...shame on you

Continuing more...
Not only are we giving freedom to the people of Iraq but we're making the United States safer along with surrounding countries safer...and yes Iraq is a main front on the war on terror...my teacher likes to say that the terrorists had nothing to do with Saddam and Iraq...tell me something, how do you think the terrorists get all of their weapons and intelligence?...by themselves? i think not...they had help you idiot...by supporting terrorists, that makes you a terrorist too...and rather than sit here and let another 9/11 happen, we're taking the offensive and taking them out on their own ground...so therefore, we're not only saving the lives of Iraqis but we're saving the lives of Americans and other people of other nations...you can't tell me this war is not the right thing...i won't believe it...and maybe someday you'll wake up and realize this is the right thing...maybe someday you'll wake up and realize that President Bush is a good man doing the right thing...if you're too selfish to think we only went in there for oil then i have lost respect for you

Whew mas continuing..
I stand by every word i've said on this issue...you can debate me all you want but i know i'm right...as a free human being i feel other human beings should be free as well...not only do i feel it but it is a basic human right to be free

And even more continuing..
Should the United States of America sit back and let these things happen? No...being a neutral country not only shows that you're a pussy, but it shows you're selfish too...why do we have bases all around the world? to make sure that every human being has the right to be free...the United States is considered a super power...shouldn't we help others and do good around the world if we have this kind of power and technology?...shouldn't we help nations like Iraq where millions of innocent people are suffering and living in fear?...i say yes and if you want to call us "the world's police" then fine...if thats how you'd like to sum it up, then go for it...but i feel this is a great nation doing a great thing in Iraq...not only am i proud of this nation for going into Iraq but i'm proud of the soldiers risking their lives so that not only the people of this nation can retain freedom but the people of Iraq can now live in freedom...and like i said, i would be more than willing to lay my life on the line so that many others can live in freedom as well.

Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness
Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness (or private property if you'd like)...those three things my teacher feels should be the only things the government should get involved with...he's an idiot though...one thing he said was that if he owned a restaurant, he should have the right to allow and not allow anyone in that restaurant...meaning he should be allowed to put up a big sign on the door that says "no blacks allowed" or "no mexican's allowed"...he's not racist he just feels he should have the right to do that...now in my opinion, thats wrong...not only is it immoral but i feel the government SHOULD be involved in an issue like that...if we let one person do that then more people will do that and it'll snow ball so bad that we'll end up back where we were decades ago...we'll be back to having whites only bathrooms and black only bathrooms...no, we should not allow people to do that...the government should be involved in making laws and rules on issues like this.

Along with the legalization of marijuana, my professor feels all drugs and prostitution should be legal...now, i'm okay with prostitution being legal as long as they pay taxes on the money they get like every business in america along with being checked for diseases on a regular basis...thats fine, i have no problem with that...concerning the issue of legalizing drugs, i do not agree with...i'm okay with cigarettes and alcohol being legal but not drugs...why am i okay with those two and not drugs being legal? because assuming you're thinking people take things in moderation, tobacco and alcohol won't kill you in a short amount of time...it takes in most cases, many years for that to have an affect on you...it'll most likely reduce the amount of years you're alive if you do it often but it won't affect you in the short term, most times...with drugs, you can drop dead much more easier and much more quicker...legalizing these drugs will only lead to a higher death rate...i'm totally against it...i'm also against marijuana being used for medicinal purposes...there are alternatives people...marijuana is not the be all end all of drugs that can be used medicinally...so on this issue i'm 100% against the legalization of drugs of any kind...alcohol is enough

Gay/Lesbian Marriage
Heres another issue...you can go either way on it...i'll just tell you my side of it...it is my belief that marriage should only be between a man and a woman...i'm pretty much saying it goes against my religion...theres in holes and theres out holes, you don't put stuff in the out holes lol jokin...i do not think gay people should be given special rights...and i do not think they should be able marry eachother...being a male, yes it does turn me on to see two girls go at lol HOWEVER it goes against my religion and therefore it is wrong in my opinion...now, it is not my place to judge people...being religious, i feel it is God's place to judge people...therefore, like i treat everyone else as my equal, i will treat every gay and lesbian as my equal...yes i feel they're doing something wrong and against my religion but i do not hold that against them...it is not my place to hold that against them...so you can believe all you want on that but theres my take on the issue and i stand by it.

This is another big issue...i am against it...now i've never been put in the position of having to deal with my girlfriend being pregnant and blah blah blah but i'm still against...yes, you can bring up a girl being raped and having to deal with that...but i have one thing to say...put the baby up for adoption...concerning the rape pregnancy issue there...concerning some little 15 year old getting pregnant, if you were stupid enough to not use protection, tough shit...either take care of the child or put it up for adoption...do you honestly think that a baby isn't going to find a family? theres tons of people out there who can't have children and would be glad to adopt your child...now, as of right now, if i were put in the position of my girlfriend having a baby, i would not want to put the child up for adoption...she, whoever she would be, might disagree but that would be my opinion...i'd do everything i could to take care of the baby and its mother...so yes, putting the baby up for adoption or taking care of it yourself are the only two options in my opinion...abortion is out of the question and i'm 100% against it.

Social Security
I liked what Bush had to say about Social Security...assuming you don't know about this i guess i'll explain the situation...if you work, in every pay check you get you have to pay a certain amount to social security and starting when you're 60 you get some of that money back every month...well everyone pays into it...you're never told how much you're gonna get but you do get some money when you're 60+...a while ago it was 16 to 1...meaning for every 16 people who paid into social security, that paid for 1 person...so say that person gets $1200 a month, each of those 16 people would pay $75 a month...well that ratio has changed...its now 3 to 1...and soon it will be 2 to 1...in the year 2018 social security will have more money going out than coming in...in the year 2042 the whole social security system will be bankrupt...this is a major issue that needs to be dealt with...why is the ratio rapidly increasing? because of the "baby boom"...so Bush is pretty much saying we should change social security to privatized accounts...by that he means every person will have a choice of investing a percentage of their money into 5 things...one is stocks, one is bonds, etc etc...i forget all 5 but yeah...so that means you will get a nice profit when you're 60 and needing that money...not only that but these private accounts are a willable asset...meaning instead of a husband dying and the wife not getting any of his social security, these private accounts can be willed or given to the husbands wife and family...now in my opinion this plan sounds pretty good...and like Bush said theres still a lot to be done and a lot to be talked about...but i think that idea is a pretty good start

So in his speech he talked about the Iraqi's voting and the soldiers who died over there...so as guests he had some Iraqi's who voted and some parents of soldiers (god i can never type soldiers right the first time) who died over there...so when he mentioned these particular parents, there was an Iraqi woman sitting in front of them and she turned around gave the mother a hug...i thought it was really nice...it was like the Iraqi woman was so proud of that soldier for what he believed and what he died for that she felt she needed to say thank you by hugging the parents of him...it was moving...good moment

I'd mention other issues like these but i think those are probably the most talked about...as you can see i'm a conservative republican who is for Bush...several of my friends are not lol...but those are my opinions...eat shit if you disagree haha joking

Meh Class
See you're sitting there in a class of like 25 to 30 students and the professor starts going into some of these issues...well the way my History professor lectures, he's pretty much saying his view is the right view and all other views are wrong...this really gets to me...cuz he'll have 90% of the class automatically on his side just because they think he's smart and knows what he's talking about because he has a degree and he's older...well fuck you, just because you're older and have a degree doesn't mean you're smarter or know what you're talking about...you can eat shit if you take that approach...and thats the approach i take with him...and when i see that 90% of the class is on his side on an issue that i happen to have a different opinion on, i'm gonna talk...and you know me, i'm probably the shyest most anti social person you'll ever meet...i have a lot of problems in those areas...but the one way you can get me to talk is by pissing me off about political issues...this guy really gets to me...so i'll raise my hand and spout off my opinion...i don't just talk when i'm called on...no sir, just like he does, i pound my opinion in his face...and i raise my voice...make sure i'm heard and my position is known...and of course he'll be a jackass and interrupt me then call on someone else so i have to raise my hand and lay into him again...concerning the war in iraq i believe this happened like 5 or 6 times...but i'll stand up for what i believe in...and just because you have a degree doesn't mean shit to me...you can kiss my ass...i'm not afraid to stand up for what i believe in...and like i've always said, i believe i'm always right and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it...so i'll pound my opinion in your face all day long and never get tired of it if you get me in the mood...so your bull shit isn't gonna pass here...no sir...if you're gonna put your views out there and feel they're the only way to go then i'll give it to you like that in return...and you better be prepared to cuz its not coming at you lightly

Doom Tres
Well i'm thinking of buying Doom 3...i think i can get it for around $25 on ebay...maybe less...probably less cuz well i'm just that good...but the demo runs well on my computer...and i love first person shooter games...i seriously was addicted to Half-Life...i downloaded a ton of those addons and i bought every addon...i was awesome at that game...lol jokin...i was alright but it was fun...i'd buy Half Life 2 but a) i'm too cheap to pay $55 and b) i need to save money...i walked into Best Buy today and it was just screaming "spend money!!"...it was so hard walking out of there having not bought anything...cuz i looked at movies, CDs, ps2 games, pc games...i was like "ohhhh i need this!! and this!!! ohhh man how am i going through life without this!!!"...it was tough but i made it out of there with all of the money i went in there with...three things i need though...yes, need...Gran Turismo 4 when it comes out (greatest racing games ever)...one of the first person shooter games IE Doom 3, Half Life 2 etc...and the new 3 Doors Down CD...yes i like 3 Doors Down, if you don't and feel the need to bitch about it, you can kiss my ass...i liked them before they were popular so ha! there too...but yes...those 3 are a must and maybe just maybe i can get my parents to pay for some of it cuz well i'm broke and jobless lol

Well i'm sure i've rambled on enough...if you made it this far, congrats...i do have more on my mind but i'll save it for the next entry...actually i have a lot more on my mind...hmm...no i'll save it for the next one...don't worry...i know, 8 or so pages isn't that long but hopefully you'll enjoy it hahaha...at least in this one i'm talking about serious issues here...feel free to tell me your views in the comments section...if they're different from mine well, its not gonna do you any good cuz i stand by everything i say and i know i'm right but go for it...talk to you people later (most of you will be like "holy shit, way too long *goes to next person's journal*)

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My Birthday, Valentines Day, Other Thoughts
Tuesday. 2.1.05 11:06 pm
I hate texas...okay i'm done, thats your entry...alright well i hate the weather...my day was very boring...some people piss me off...i need to get my shit together on some things...and Madden NFL 2005 on "All-Madden" level cheats!

My Day: Damn Car
Well i had an okay day...got my happy ass up at 9 am to go to class...9:45 i get in my car and guess what? won't start...so for 20 minutes i fuck with it and nothing...it starts and dies immediately...and you know, you can push down on the gas and it'll keep it going a little while you're in park but once you let go it dies...so i tried kinda revving it up and throwing it into reverse...worked until i had to brake and go into drive and then it died...did the same when i revved it up, threw it into drive and then stopped for a short time...dead...i didn't feel like doing that at every light and stop sign to the college...so i called my dad and he's like "yeah i'll give you a ride just give me a few minutes"...about 2 hours later he shows up...so i took the day off...i know, its horrible, i was forced to take the day off on my birthday...if i would have known my fucking car wasn't going to start i would have slept another 4 hours...oh well...when my dad came home he did the same thing with the revving it up and throwing it into reverse and drive and of course it worked for him...piece of shit...so i guess i just have to keep fucking with it until it works...the conclusion we came to was that its the gas that i got on sunday...the car worked perfectly up until i got gas...can't wait until tomorrow morning...exciting!

Middle part of my day
so i pretty much waited in the living room for my dad to get home and watched TV...then i went in my room when it was decided i wasn't going to school and played some ps2...i really didn't want to miss class today...ugh...pretty much did that until it was time to leave for dinner...well, my brother called me and said his wife is in the hospital with gall stones or whatever...i guess she has to have surgery and everything for that...oh and whats my birthday the anniversary for? the space shuttle colombia explosion...kinda weird cuz my aunt's birthday is on 9/11...but yeah boring middle there

Dinner and now
We went to Salt Grass...steakhouse...had my usual meal there...ah tis good...24 oz porterhouse steak, baked potatoe, salad with rach, bread, cheesecake...what a great meal..."hit the spot" you could say...also had two beers...which i wasn't carded...surprisingly...its not like i look my age...i probably look 17ish...its funny because my brother gets carded all the time and he's 29...i don't really like beer that much...i consider it on the same level as water...it doesn't taste good, doesn't taste bad either...but you know, alcohol and your 21st birthday go together...and no i did not get wasted tonight...i don't mind maybe drinking some and getting tipsy and all...if its something i enjoy drinking...but really i don't have a strong desire for drinking...i'd rather have dr. pepper lol...the last two times i got "wasted" ended up in me having two extremely bad hangovers...we won't go there...so i really don't desire going through that again...getting "tipsy" you might say is fine every once in a while but i don't feel the need to get trashed...and for a beer, Heiniken (however you spell that) is not bad...better than the other beers i've tried...coors light tasted like shit...miller light wasn't bad but makes me birp constantly lol...bud light was decent...what other beers have i had...thats probably it...so not bad...now i'm sitting in front of a screen typing

People who remembered my birthday
Well thank you...i appreciate you remembering my birthday...when it comes close to your birthdays, i probably won't get the date right, just remind me often...i usually get the general area of your birthdays though...see some of you give me shit about this but at least i get the general area...i should be given credit there...a couple of you forgot my birthday...for some i can understand cuz i don't talk to you that often and we're not close...for a couple others, you could at least remember the general area assholes!...its okay though...a couple of them, i actually spent money on them for their birthday but they forgot my birthday completely...which, trying not to get detailed here about them, in some ways is understandable but if you still consider me a friend, i don't think its too much to ask for you to remember the general area here...one was like "ohh i feel horrible i'm sorry" when i mentioned it...meh eat shit, i spent money on you!...and february first really isn't hard to remember...its okay though...i can move on from that...assuming i still talk to you by the time your birthday comes around, you can eat shit cuz not only am i not going to give you anything, but i'm not going to say happy birthday to you...i'm not big on my birthday...and i don't like going nuts over it...but a simple happy birthday and actually remembering my birthday can go a long way...i don't like surprises, i don't like to make a huge big deal of it...and although very nice, i'm not big on people giving me gifts other than my parents of course...why? i dunno...i'll be honest...partially, PARTIALLY, because i probably don't wanna feel like i have to get you something lol...for the most part its like "well what have i done for you for me to really deserve this gift"...i dunno, we don't need to do the whole gift thing here...a girlfriend, and family...gifts from those are well you know, expected...well depending how long i've been with the girlfriend...if its not that long then don't worry about it...maybe its just cuz i'm a guy...so i refused to give my address to a couple of friends i know online...one i've known for like 3 years...the other i've only known for a short time...i'm sure they think i'm an ass for doing that, and maybe you think that too, but you don't need to give me anything...just remember the general area and i'm happy with you...i don't wanna sound like an asshole here? and really its not that big of a deal either way on these things...i don't like going nuts for birthdays...today was alright

A couple people actually surprised me...one of my friends who in the past year i've hardly talked to actually came online and said happy birthday...impressive...another has been really busy lately and i haven't talked to her in like two weeks but she called me up and said happy birthday...impressive...one i try talking to whenever i can but she's been really busy too and we don't talk that much and we really don't know eachother THAT well but she made an effort to come online for a split second and say happy birthday to me...impressive...now if these three can do it, certainly the two or so people who forgot who i've known for quite some time can at least remember the general area here...its not this big of a deal...i'm making it out to be a big deal but its really not that big of a deal...but those three i mentioned impressed me...especially the third one...wasn't expecting it and it was sweet of you...moving on!

What i got
I got a receiver and a round trip ticket to anywhere in the US...okay, not that i'm saying my birthday presents suck, and not that i'm saying i don't like them, i'm just never really impressed with what i get for my birthday...they're usually things i need...3 years in a row i got a coat for my birthday...although very nice, and something i needed at the time, its not something i really want for my birthday...last year i got a desk chair...i don't want to sound ungrateful...well i probably do sound it...but i dunno...the round trip ticket would have been useful maybe last year or the year before i dunno...what am i gonna do? go see my brother? i do that every year anyways...the receiver...well its a great receiver...one little tiny problem though...i have no speakers...just depending on the sound of my TV...which right now i don't need speakers...but that also means i don't need the receiver...the only thing it does is a) make it so i don't have to reach a foot and a half to unplug and plug cables to switch from DVD to PS2 and b)take up space...got $50 from my grandmother...guess i should write her a thank you note...i always forget that too...and i always feel awful when i'm sitting there like a month later and i'm like "hmm shit, didn't say thank you for the money and card"...most likely i won't spend the money but save it...who knows...depending, i wanna get a couple new shirts...hair cut eventually...maybe a CD or two will come out that i want...we'll see...and of course i got a bunch of happy birthdays...i appreciate it...i may not sound all enthusiastic or anything but i appreciate it

See thats the thing with me...i never know how to act when given a gift...maybe thats also a reason why i don't like people giving me gifts...cuz i don't know how to react...i may absolutely love it but still not seem enthusiastic about getting it...like with my parents giving me stuff...i usually pick it up, check it out, and say "thanks"...done deal...well they take that as "ohhh he didn't like it and he's ungrateful"...so then they bug the shit out of me for at least a couple weeks afterwards asking "so do you like it?" blah blah blah...if i didn't like it, i wouldn't have said yes the first time you asked!!!...then my mom will be like "your father doesn't think you like the gift, you need to show you like it"...i'm just not the kind to get all happy, jumpy and "WOW I LOVE THIS! THIS IS AMAZING! WHAT AN AWESOME GIFT! THANK YOU SO MUCH" when it comes to this...yeah maybe that is why i don't like people giving me gifts...huh...usually at christmas and on my birthday i try pulling the "oh i just woke up so i'm extremely tired and thats why i'm not jumping up and down happy right now"...i like the receiver, i like the plane ticket, thank you, now go away lol

Valentines Day
I have a few thoughts about this day...i'm not like totally against it or anything but it is a bull shit holiday...its pretty much sending out the message that this is one of the only days of the year you're suppose to show your affection towards the other person...stuffed animals, balloons, chocolate, cards, jewelry, flowers, etc etc...plus it makes the single people feel like absolute shit...and for some damn reason i'm always one of those single people on this holiday...thats not the point though...in my personal opinion you should be doing this stuffed animals, balloons, chocolate blah blah blah stuff throughout the year...most people would feel obligated to give these things because of this holiday...now is that something you want?...your boyfriend/husband to give you a gift because he has to?...or would you want your boyfriend/husband to give you a gift because he wants to?...not that i'm saying everyone feels they HAVE to give a gift on this day...i'm just saying you know theres a lot of people who are feeling like they have to, they don't want to, they have to...maybe i'm a little different in my thinking, who knows...i personally have no problem giving gifts and such to whoever i'm with...in fact i like doing that...i like seeing whoever i'm with get that smile and get all happy...makes them feel good therefore it makes me feel good...plus these things aren't a surprise or spontaneous on this day...you're expecting it to happen...wouldn't it be better if out of blue your boyfriend gives you flowers for absolutely no reason other than he cares about you and loves to see you happy?...you get what i'm saying?...i bet st. valentine or whatever was probably someone who was like "well shit, i'm not getting anything from the person i like throughout the year so why not make a holiday over this and force them to give me something"...this is why valentine's day is bull shit...yeah the whole hearts and cupid thing can be cute and all but its bull shit...you could argue the same concerning presents on christmas...cuz really, what are we celebrating here? the giving and receiving of presents? no you moron, the birth of christ...shouldn't we be doing these things throughout the year without feeling forced to?...i hear it all the time, especially coming from myself "ugh shit, i forgot to get a present for this person"...isn't that what birthdays are for?...i'm not saying i don't enjoy christmas and the gifts, i do...and i'm not saying i wouldn't enjoy valentines day, i would...i'm just saying that holiday and the gifts in christmas are absolute forced bull shit...now being with someone i'd not only love giving things on valentines day but i'd love giving similar things throughout the year...but i believe i've proved my point when i say that valentines day is a bull shit holiday...i personally would rather give that beautiful expensive necklace or whatever it may be to the person i care about sometime throughout the year when they don't expect it...the reaction would be much better don't you think?...but i guess i'm different because i would do these things...i like giving things to the person i care about...and i wouldn't limit this gift giving to just a few days of the year...gift giving should be something you're willing or more than willing to do and it should come at a time that you want it to...my opinion, take it or leave it...like i said though, if valentines day rolls around and i have someone to share it with it, i'll be more than happy to give her things and shower her with my affection, i'll still believe valentines day is a bull shit holiday

Madden NFL 2005
Okay so "all pro" level wasn't a challenge for me...so i bumped it up to the hardest level "all madden"...which i'm 3-0 so far...but its very frustrating...lots of missed tackles, dropped passes, bad passes, etc etc...now i'm fine with a game being challenging...i'm all for it...but the game doesn't need to obviously cheat in the process...nevertheless, i still kick ass on this level too...i was killing teams on all pro like 60 - 14...here i'm only winning like 24 - 7...we'll see...doing good so far!...i'm the master at this game...i think the only reason why all madden level pisses me off is because i demand perfection...dropped pass, you just pissed me off...stopped for no gain, you just pissed me off...giving the opposition's RB 8 yards, you just pissed me off...i demand perfection...but again, i am the master and the master always wins!

Alright, alright i know you people skip over this one...you'll only have to go through this another couple of weeks...super bowl and then pro bowl...jerks

Dating, Seeing, Going Out With
Okay...dating is not too serious...you're just going to movies and out to dinner stuff like that occassionally and its not too serious...you could go start dating other people in the process wouldn't matter all that much...going out with someone means you're boyfriend/girlfriend...aparently "seeing" someone means they're "fuck buddies" you might say...correct me if i'm wrong in my terminology here...dating is fine, going out with is fine, i'm not all that big on the idea of "seeing" someone...now i'll admit that i'm a very horny virgin male here but i still don't like this idea...why?...because sex should have meaning here people...it should be with someone you care about, maybe even love...not some friend you don't even think of in that kinda way...i'm against it...and people who do this whole "fuck buddies" kinda thing, well my respect for you has been lowered...if you're really that horny either find someone you truely care about to have sex with or go masturbate...it may surprise you but i have been in the position to have sex with someone...why did i not have sex? because i didn't think of the girl that way...i saw her as a friend...therefore the sex would have been meaningless...sure i may complain from time to time about being a virgin but i'm not gonna find someone to be "fuck buddies" with...i'd rather have sex with someone i truely care about...and i want it to mean something...yes corny but i feel this way

Being 21
Well theres a few thoughts...its nice to be able say i can legally drink, even if i don't really drink but once or twice a year...makes me feel good though...that whole "you're not old enough" kinda thing or that "you're a minor" kinda thing is lifted off of my shoulders...so pretty much, i can legally do whatever you can do and there isn't a damn thing you can say about it...i'm not ecstatic about turning 21 but i'm slightly more than content about it.

*sighs* i dunno what else to write...i mean i could go on about other things but you've probably heard some of them...theres a fair amount of issues that come up that i can go on and on about over and over again...but i won't subject you to that...besides i think 5 pages is a decent sized entry...so enjoy and to those of you who said happy birthday to me, i appreciate it...TTFN taw taw for now (whats that from!??!)

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Band(s) of the Week
Metallica, U2, Elvis
Currently Doing
Well my usual...which is procrastinating
Mini Entry
I'm hungry...got any food?

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