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theZEBRA Lick Those Stripes! I Be Gallopin' After Ye The Herd Zebra Poo Black Stripes, White Stripes Songs of the Plains
Family Court One would be in less danger From the wiles of a stranger If one's own kin and kith Were more fun to be with. Ogden Nash | Liftophobia Wednesday. 11.16.05 9:01 pm There is a technique to riding the lift at Uber Bitch Jason’s apartment: I press the button. And stand well away, putting as much space as possible between myself and the window and the lift. The lift dings and the doors slide open. I lean sideways to peek into it and hesitate, giving anyone or anything in it time to make its presence known. I duck in. And immediately jab frantically at the button to shut the doors, hoping fervently that a hand won’t shoot in between them at the last minute. The lift makes strange noises. It always does. Perhaps it’s saying hullo to the other lift on its way up to the 15th floor. Or perhaps it’s the cables protesting the cable cutters someone up there is wielding. I tense (because tensing up is a great help when a lift free falls twelve floors). The lift dings again. I hide in the blind space behind the control panel. In an ambush, the slightest moment of surprise can be the key to survival. There is no one there. I run to my car. It’s only Jason’s lift. It’s partly the way the lift doors refuse to move till I’ve given up hope, and then suddenly shoot open, making me wet my pants. Partly also the horror stories reported by Jason, for instance when the doors repeatedly opened 3 inches before clanging shut, clang clang clang, forcing him to climb up the stairwell in pitch darkness. Mainly though, it’s the lovely view of the huge, moonlit cemetery right next door from the lift lobby window. I try not to look. But it’s like being witness to something truly horrifying, like Will Ferrell’s naked ass in Old School. I can’t help peeking. 18 Comments. OI! what is this! Talking about the lift that I take everyday! Don't you jinx it with your half truths! Sure the lift makes me think about the scene in Final Destination 2 where the lift clamps on the woman's head and she gets decapitated.. or the recently showing horror/thriller taiwan movie COMA 2! But still! it's the god damn freaking lift I take! Stay your foul tounge for the moment and atest to the true usefulness of the lift! Next time you come, you better take the stairs.. cause got knows what neighbours of desa kiara might be waiting in there for you... » jase (211.24.253.211) on 2005-11-16 10:42:40 Oh dear - perhaps NOT a good idea to watch that Emily Rose movie before going to visit your friend then. I watched that movie last week and am still trying to recover from it. Ooh err... » Shan (60.48.40.26) on 2005-11-16 10:43:51 ooo..neat !! i'm still tryin to figure how to use this..damn i'm slow on all this thing.. » arcanawar on 2005-11-17 12:58:10 Jase: Hah! Serves you right for wishing horrible things on me just as I step out of your house. And for slamming the door shut right after!
Shan: No thanks. I avoid horror movies like broccoli. I'm still scarred by "It" back when I was eight years old. I blame my parents for letting me watch it. What were they thinking?!
Will: It's the first one and also the fear of theevil undead ambushing me in the lift and performing unspeakable horrors on my body (e.g. giving me a brazilian *ouch*). Jase: Mmm..you should try offering yourself as a sacrifice. But leave the keys to your door out first.
Fred: It was either that or fly on Christmas day. Spending either on a plane is equally sad, but at least New Year's might be more enjoyable if I have a hot seat-neighbour.
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