hey, my internet is getting cut off on monday, i doubt i'll check back in before that cause i don't care right now
amber

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hehe, hey, its snowing, and its cold

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yay!! get paid tonight (partially) yay!!! im hungry yeah! food is good yeah! bye

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ok, so im trying to figure something out, ok God never does anything without a reason, ok, so does this mean that i have a lesson to learn from this (obviously) just trying to figure out what it is, I think it maybe to appreciate what you have because it could all go away, but we already know that, we know at the end of the week right before payday that everything is bad, that what we had at first was really good, and we wish we had it back. but we also make do with what we have at the en of the week, even though we want something else we don't have anything else to get, I wanted to eat the oatmeal, was gonna eat it even though it makes me sick, (actual sick, not being figurative)

I think its cause im not working hard enuff to be a better Christian. I am trying to stop cussing, trying to put all my faith in God and that he is going to make it all work out but its hard when you are hungry, and i guess im really not all that hungry i ate some Ramen noodles earlier.

Maybe God sees me as a Glutton and thinks i don't need to eat as much anymore. Which i can understand, I do eat a lot and could stand to lose weight.

Maybe it was because when i said i was giving up cokes it was for a Fasting type thing but i thought people would think i was stupid so i said it was just a notion to lose weight and then had to quit because i wanted something to drink and didn't want to drink water. I think you do get punished for breaking a Fast.

I rationalized it in my head saying we don't have much money, can't be picky about what i drink, but i don't think Lying to God is very smart, God knows why i drank the coke when i vowed not to. I did it cause i was thirsty.

anyway i fell much better now gonna go try the microwave

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ok, its not fair, first the gas gets cut off. We have been here 3 months (gas was cut off mid last month) First gas bill we get is 160.XX which makes since 50 for intalation charge and the normal gas bill, second month (mid to end feb) its 250 march its 427 its almost doubling each time, Which i guess make sense since our heater is sitting on a grate over a hole that goes out side, so i guess it heats there before the heat comes in side

So of course we have no way to pay that. thats a whole paycheck. So it gets cut off, Bye bye showers, bye bye heater (which normally isn't so bad because normally by the end of march its hotter than heck outside but not this year, this year it snows the begginning of april) Which the showers i can remedy by washing my hair in the sink, which isn't that bad if its a normal temp outside.

So normal meals went away, no spaghetti nothing like that, now we eat Ramen noodles, oatmeal, hot pockets, which is great (thats when we have money, when we don't its mashed taters and veggies well the oatmeal is on either side so yeah) But then toay the microwave went out which really sucks, now no showers, no stove food no heater and no food at all unless you like it cold, which you all know cold oatmeal is nasty.

God i can't wait for friday, I get paid then so does Axl, we should get about 900 dollars which 350 is car pmt, the rest is moving. yep im hungry dammit this is fair, i dont' know why the thing has to break. I don't get it. it doesn't make any sense.

Now i know there are other people who don't even have a house but if they live in my area they still have it better because they can go to Faith City Mission and get a meal and a shower and a bed, or the Salvation Army,

Which if i didn't have a job i could go there to, but if you have a job i don't think they allow you, i know last time the only way they would help me with anything was if i stayed in the shelter for 2 weeks to prove i was homeless and didn't have a job, all i needed was $20 to get my ID so i could get a job, but they wouldn't help unless....yeah anyway this made me feel a little better im gonna go pray and hope that GOD will turn the microwave back on,
Always
Amber

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Is it normal that when i stop talking with someone i forget they exist? I start to erase you as soon as you are out of site. A week and you are barely there a month and i couldn't tell you if i ever knew you. Some people stay vaguely, but only just so cause i loved or disliked you so much. I remember kati, shes the first or second friend i can remember having, I remember my Gramma, Shawn, my first b/f. But other people fade so slowly idon't realize they are gone till they talk to me and i can't place them at all.

But that doesn't make much since.

Anyway got 2 invite codes yay!

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holy crap its cold, our gas is off and its like 30 degrees outside....*shivers* my feet are frozen to the floor and my fingers to the keys.... well nto that bad but yeah. Anyway holy crap my feet are cold. i have 3 pairs of pants and 4 shirts on.... anyway gonna go watch American Beauty some more

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my layout and stuff looks so much cooler on internet explorer than firefox.... that stinks, oh well

anyway in other news decided not to drink cokes (soda's) for a month and a half and see if i don't feel better, i hate water though
bye

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