ok, to add on to the last entry. i got promoted to the paygrade of E-4, which is the rank of Third Class Petty Officier. its ok, i don't get paid for it for like another 3-4 months. but i did score on the advancement test in the 93% meaning i scored better than 93% of the people who took it.. i guess it was about time i stepped up and showed my true knowledge. now i can't claim to not know something because i'm just a seaman. ha! yea, i know 'seaman', o shut up.neway

so my relationship with my wife is kinda odd, she's digging into that darker area of my being and bringing out the darker desires in me. i know your wondering what these darker desires are... but should i tell you? hell, why not? you'll never meet me or know my legal name. my wife likes sex to be rougher than ....whats socailly acceptible. .... well, let me back track a little, i am what you would call a medium sadist, i do take sexually enjoyment from cause others pain but it is not a must to have sex. so, in the true pyschology sense, i'm not truely a sadist but however, i believe all of that is but perception. now, why is this change in our relationship worht mentioning? well, i once had a relationship with a younge women, before i joined the service. her and i relationship was very destructive to one another, we.... 'enjoyed' the harsher, darker, and less acceptible ideals of sex. (though i must say that i enjpyed it throughly, i mean, it was some of the best sex i had ever had). but i decided to lock that part of me away due to it not being accepted by most females as part of a 'normal' relationship also due to the fact that for some reason i begun to believe that enjoying such things was wrong and immoral, though i maintained the opinon of "violence is accpetible in three places.. the ring (meaning boxing, wrestling, marital arts, etc.), the mosh pit (if you don't know what that is, than don't worry about it), and the bed room. i just choose to not accept a part of myself by dening myself those pleasures related to that past relationship, i guess due to me not wanting my marriage to end up like that relationship. torn, broken, and in no way repairible. but for some reason it seems to work with my wife and i. her wanting to feel pain and me wanting to cause it. perhaps, i have found one that will make my happy. i find peace afterwards and so does she. i don't know if its the same peace i had so long ago in va with kushiel but.... it is peace. ...

but what is peace? well, lets look it up
n.
The absence of war or other hostilities.
An agreement or a treaty to end hostilities.
Freedom from quarrels and disagreement; harmonious relations: roommates living in peace with each other.
Public security and order: was arrested for disturbing the peace.
Inner contentment; serenity: peace of mind.

interj.
Used as a greeting or farewell, and as a request for silence.

Idioms:
at peace
In a state of tranquillity; serene: She is at peace with herself and her friends.
Free from strife: Everyone wants to live in a world at peace.
keep/hold (one's) peace
To be silent.
keep the peace
To maintain or observe law and order: officers who were sworn to keep the peace.

ok thats what dictionary.com has for it. now, what is my diff of peace? to be without anger, worry, and .... to be free of mind. .... its too hard to define what i feel, its like i can commune with the Source. i feel the pressence of the Source, more so than at any other time..... hmmm... its something to think about...

woo
E4. Movin on up. I've been smoking since highschool. Chris made me quit, but we aren't together so fuck it. uhm. Sorry I didn't respond when you messaged me, but I wasn't here so *shrug*. Calling's a lot more effective now a days since I'm gone at odd times. And the sex thing up there, you should lay off that on a regular basis. I mean, mix in some damn love too, or you're gonna be opening something you might not want to get to. Because when you're in pain all the time, you want everything else to hurt too, and you both have had pretty fucked up younger years. Start the healing biatch, because you know sex heals.
» EngelGenannt on 2005-12-04 11:01:30

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