What makes a man a man?

I always thought I knew the answer to this.
I thought what makes a "man" meant nothing more than the male genitals. Culturally speaking, it's about the only thing everyone can agree on.
Then things began to get fuddled. Middleschool began and everyone started seperating. The girls wanted to be with girls and the guys wanted to be guys. Each discussing similar interests. Boys spoke about cars, tv, hunting, sports, and sex. Girls spoke about boys and petty social things, like how Jenniffer totally looked like a slut with all that make-up and how she used to be cool until she totally backstabbed her best friend for some stupid boy.
I never really fit into either of those catagories. I felt boys were too insensitive and rather stupid about things they spoke about. Girls never really invited me into their circles because I was a boy and who really wanted to hang out with a bunch of giggly, moody girls anyway?
Slowly I began to make friends with those who also seemed to be social outcasts. Luckly it seemed that outcasts thrived in public schools. However, the more and more I made friends I noticed that the most accepting where the girls. Guys were so stand-offish and never really talked about anything REAL.
This is when I started to get educated in the real difference between the two...

Now, I'm here.
Still at a loss.

It seems to me now that girls are absolutely the most evil creatures on this planet with nothing but selfish desires to drive them. Meanwhile, though men are slower in thought and make frequent mistakes, they are more sensitive, more loyal, more honest, more true. And let me assure you, not every package carrying bi-ped is a man. Being a man is far more than just that. It takes something that not everyone can achieve. However, the most important trait that I've noticed that true men share is this: they have trully, deeply been hurt by a woman.

I hate to sound so masogynistic. I love women. I love my own mother more than any other thing on this planet. My closest friends ARE women. Not just girls, but women, the utter true and best definition you can find of one.

Yet, through out my life I've done nothing more than to try and please them... Every single one of them. Why? Because I love them. Individually. Not because of their looks, nor their bodies, nor their sex, but because of all that they are, but most importantly, because of the love they've shown me. Love that I have come to fear now. A love that I now recoil from.

A glance. A smile. A second look.
I get them. Not often, but on occassion. They look at me. They see me. They want me. Mentally. Emotionally. Romantically. Spiritually. Sexually.
I speed up my pace. I avoid eye contact. If I could, I would flee in terror.
They no longer offer the same blessings that they once did. A comforting embrace has turned to a bed of thorns. Each thorn pulsing with desire to make me bleed, to draw out my life source and leave me to die. What I claimed to be love has turned sour and bitter in my mouth. And all I can do now is choke on the poisoned apple that once slid so smoothly down my throat.

What has happened to me?
Am I trully as doomed I feel?

I am not content.




But I don't want to fooled again.

The next time...
Well,... there won't be a next time.







P.S. to the PC:

Come on, oh my star is fading
I swerve out of control
If I, If I'd only waited
I'd not be stuck here in this hole

Come here, oh my star is fading
And I swerve out of control
And I swear I waited and waited
I've got to get out of this hole

But time, is on your side
It's on your side, now
Not pushing you down
And all around
It's no cause for concern

Come on, oh my star is fading
And I see, no chance of release
And I'm dead on the surface
But I'm screaming underneath

And time is on your side
It's on your side, now
Not pushing you down
And all around
Oh, It's no cause for concern

Stuck on the end of this ball and chain
And I'm on my way back down again

Stood on the edge
Tied to a noose
Sick to the stomach
You can say what you mean
But it won't change a sin
I'm sick of the secrets
Stood on the edge, tied to a noose
And you came along but you cut me loose
You came along and you cut me loose
You came along and you cut me loose

- Amsterdam
by the band that inspired the phrase "You know how I know you're gay...?"

It could be because I'm a woman.....
But I strongly disagree. Most of the women I know, Myself included, are fueled by the opposite of selfishness. They are fueled by whats best for their family, their friends and their future, often putting their own needs and wants aside to help others. While most good women have been severly hurt by an asshole it isn't a requirement to be a Good woman nor is it one for being a good man. It has nothing to do with gender it has to do with being a good human being. I find that all the good people I know have some common ground. A few basic morals, A want to help people, A generally (but not always) happy and optimistic disposition, and most of all Maturity. Maturity can do alot for what kind of person you are, bc until you mature your still on the journey to who you are and you have to make mistakes, and have situations which make you realize the kind of person you are.
» lyndeep on 2008-02-08 08:22:50

Men sound a lot like dogs. Sensitive, true, loyal..

You're a very cryptic writer; you don't tell your reader (ME) the full story and leave it to us to piece things together.
» Dilated on 2008-02-08 09:26:50

i'm only interested in myself and achieving my dreams...
» renaye on 2008-02-08 09:35:41

WOW, Elessar. wow. Let me tell you: wow.
Interesting. I find you to be such an interesting and complicated person. Now I really want to know what's going on here. Somebody really got you bad, it seems. Or maybe more than one person.

I think that there are evil people in this world. They are very few. They do evil mostly because they are selfish and they lack both empathy and clarity. Many more people do evil things... they are not evil people, they try to do what is right, but either because they do not struggle hard enough or often enough with deciding what is right, or because they delay their decisions until any decision will do wrong to someone. Either way, someone who consistently does evil to you and does not seek forgiveness should not be allowed a place in your life.

But Elessar, you may disagree with me, but I do not think that such people are gender-specific. Whether or not we choose to go along with the stereotypes of our gender, we are all outcasts of varying degrees.

But your entry struck a deep chord with me. I think everyone who has suffered a thorough and resounding heartbreak is left with a level of empathy and sensitivity that reaches far beyond the naive "head over heels" love of youth. I think people who have suffered this misfortune are better for it; and when they finally find true love, which they WILL eventually find, they are more likely to keep it because they know its true value.
» Zanzibar on 2008-02-08 03:31:27

My apologies
When I write I tend to get carried away.
I assure you that I meant no offence to either gender. Please keep in mind that I wrote this out of fear. Most of what I say in this entry is how I feel, not how things are. I doubt that every girl on this planet wants to tear me to pieces just for her sadistic satisfaction, but that doesn't change how I feel.

And FYI, Dilated, I'm not a cryptic writer. I'm just cryptic you can ask any of my friends starting with Helena/Kristina. I don't mean to be, I just am.
» elessar257 on 2008-02-08 03:37:00

Human
Its not just a woman or a man thing...its human thing. Humans are not perfect, therefore we all fuck up. I am not offended that in the very first couple of lines you thought women were evil....I felt the same about me...til I realized that some women are evil LOL. EVERYONE is evil run!!!
» Art4TheHomeless on 2008-02-13 08:47:40

Sorry, you do not have permission to comment.

If you are a member, try logging in again or accessing this page here.