Between My Toes and out My Tail
Sometimes the hair on my tail transform into icycles when I get really angry. And oftentimes that does not happen. I will now recount a tale of my tail when such an event did not occur.
This didn't happen too long ago. In fact, it happens in the future. The year was 2873. I had embarked on a terribly long and dangerous journey from Lumskler, a beautiful planet filled with foot-sized creatures, back to Earth (aka Uranus).
The entire trip was to last almost 256 hours, and we were on our last 16. I took an uninvited step into the cockpit to ask the pilot for a glass of his urine when it happened.
There was no pilot.
Hence, there was no urine.
I was left in a state of panic, but I calmed myself down by removing cow hearts from between my toes. Finally, with my eyes staring at the most beautiful statue of a kiwi ever, a dog entered the room holding a small broom.
I looked at the broom and realized I was mistaken -- it was no broom, but rather, a brown room. Inside the room, two pelicans named Gilbert and Mosaic were pulling on two ends of a three-ended string. The third end was filled with butonic-oxide, a rare chemical found in the anal canal of young hermits.
And then, a young stewardess helped me up from my cramped position and placed her hand between my toes and removed another cow's beating heart. She asked me if she could keep it and I responded affirmatively. I then saw her shake it a few times, and I heard a quarter bouncing about inside it. I didn't have time to react, because there was a cumulus cloud outside. The cloud was in the shape of a German monk. The monk started to blink rapidly and cooed "Behind you... behind you..."
I looked behind me, but it was too late. Messiah, the son of Jonus, already began stuffing the corn into the pigeon hole. I told him he shouldn't do that, but his cheeks fell off from his face. I knew it was too late at that point.
The ship was near landing. I could see Earth (aka Pluto) at the brink of the horizon. I yawned, and in doing so, defecated all over the young stewardess. It happens, I thought. It happens. It always does.
I turned my head, looked over at the monk, who was still there, now fishing beyond the Milky Way, and he looked back. He had a look in his eyes. A look that said "Yup, nothing ever changes in the Milky Way. Welcome back to Neptune, Papagoya." I smiled and continued the impenetrable defecation. It was simply impenetrable.
How'd the dog hold the broom without thumbs?
» Dilated on 2006-01-09 03:07:25
Using his teeth. Perhaps a better question is how did the dog hold a brown room without immortality and omnipotence? I think what Papagoya is trying to say is that dogs are the pinnacle of Jovian evolution.
» le_battement on 2006-03-14 11:14:09
Remember, my children, to read between the lines is to sleep within the winds.
» Papagoya on 2006-06-21 12:12:02
"There's too much future" is a line from the chorus of a song by the artist I was listening to at the time. ["Blackout" by Amusement Parks on Fire]
The line is "There's too much future to get out of the way" and it seemed too long to put the entire line in the title of my entry, so I just shortened it and added "..."
Thus, the method to my madness.
» invisible on 2006-07-01 10:44:13
Thanks so much for the PPS points.
» Shannon on 2006-12-02 04:24:45
thanks for the PPS points. I have no idea how to get points. I was going through life thinking that I might live out the whole thing pointless. Then you came along. Thanks!
By the way, Mosaic is a splendid name for a pelican.
» Zanzibar on 2007-01-05 07:53:09
I've heard of people using urine to fix the plane... but it was in a tabloid.
» ikimashokie on 2007-02-17 01:47:42
That story confused the HELL out of me with the time variance. (the present, the future, the hours) I was not sure how you were going to speak of a time that has not come yet.
Ingenious! Just talk about pee! ha ha!
» kKAMa67 on 2007-02-21 03:22:41
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