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secret thoughts Saturday. 2.19.11 2:20 am Sometimes I still think about how crazy it is that I love driving as much as I do. Compared to 5 years ago when I was terrified and didn't want to have anything to do with driving a vehicle. No matter what size it was. I really like the way I look when I dress up, but I'm still not comfortable enough with it to just go out and buy something. Besides, I really don't go anywhere that would require me to dress up. Hell, I barely went anywhere when I was living in a city that's full of dress-up places. I've been looking at shoes a lot lately. I want to buy a new pair of heels, preferably wedges or something that's not stiletto. Something that has support on the balls of the feet as well. Basically I want to find a high heel that doesn't put a lot of strain on front of my foot. But here's a problem with that ... I don't have anything that would go with the shoes. I mean, sure, I could always find something, but then it goes back to the question as to where I'd wear it to. Next payday {Friday 25th} I'm going to be starting a diet. The Slim Fast diet. I'll basically be starving myself, but getting all the nutrients required to stay healthy. See, according to the box, I'm supposed to substitute 2 meals a day with either a shake or a meal bar and then eat one, sensible, 500 calorie meal. As well as 3 healthy snacks throughout the day. Such as an apple or one of their 100 calorie snack bars {which is probably what I'll be doing.} My goal? Lose the 20+ pounds I've gained so that I can go back down to my 130, 135 pound frame. I want my jeans to fit me again. Comfortably. I can still get them on, but they're extremely tight. Even the strap on my bra is squeezing a little more than it should be. It's not fun. And I refuse to buy bigger clothes. I'd rather really starve myself than give in and buy bigger clothing. No way am I giving in to that. Here's another secret thought. I wish I could starve myself again. I wish that I were able to go 3 weeks without eating. I've also thought about puking up a meal or two here and there. I won't do it, though. It's just a thought that crosses my mind. Anywho, that's pretty much it. I want to buy dressy outfits, nice shoes and I am dieting so that my clothes will fit again. The dieting isn't a secret, just the dress thing, but I wanted to write about the diet as well. Okay, I'm gonna go read some of my new book. Till next time NuTang ... 1 Comments. The Slim Fast diet sounds tricky. Good luck! Sometimes I think about having an eating disorder too, and also dismiss it. I guess I'm getting to the point where my weight depresses me. :| » randomjunk on 2011-02-19 06:24:41
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