welcome to my mind ...

This is the third time in less than 6 months where I've been sick enough to miss work. The first time back in Oct I just pushed through and dealt with it, even though I was sent home twice during that week, because we were short staffed with someone on vacation. It took about 2 months for me to fully recover. Long enough for me to be really good for about a month. Then the beginning of Feb, I was knocked on my ass with a horrid head cold. I missed almost an entire week of work. I forced myself to go in too soon, and was sent home. Then just dealt with it for the Friday. Then had to spend the weekend trying to rest and recover again.

Now? I've got the same head cold, with the addition of what was apparently a low fever at the beginning. I spent all day this past Sunday with extra sensitive skin. I didn't feel chilled or feverish. Just sensitive to the touch. Around 4am, I woke up drenched in sweat, which would typically indicate that the fever had broken. I apologized to my coworkers and let them know I'd not be in.

Monday I had a friend bring me some airborne, and I paid to have some groceries delivered. One of my coworkers was also nice enough to bring me a small care package consisting of more cold meds, Gatorade, and chocolate (because what care package doesn't include chocolate?).

I've been out of my apartment long enough to let my two friends in, to grab my dropped off groceries, and to move my car so that it wouldn't be towed. Otherwise, I've remained contained inside my abode. Thankfully I'm alone, and don't have to deal with anyone causing me stress. However, despite the fact that there are plenty of times when I'd prefer to be hermitted up like this, I don't like that I feel I have to be. Out of precaution, I am choosing to stay indoors until I've healed. With the non-contained coronavirus happening in my state right now, and my immune system compromised, it's safer this way.

My cold has definitely improved since Saturday, when I got sucker punched in the face with it. Again. My nose blowing frequency has lessened, and I slept better last night, still with the sleep aid cold medicine, than I have since Friday. My nose is raw from blowing it so much. I'm super thankful that I didn't get a cough with this. Normally when I have this much nasal congestion, it drips and drains in to my lungs triggering the chronic cough I've had my whole life.

Because I still spent most of the morning not being able to breathe through my nose, I am planning on remaining locked at home the remainder of this week, returning to work on Monday. I don't believe I had any plans this coming weekend, but if I did, they are no longer to happen. I feel bad leaving my coworkers short, again, but it seems like this is the smarter way to go about this. Everyone is panicking about the virus, and me coming in with a stuffed up, snotty nose would just add to the panic. I'd likely be sent to UC for testing, and then sent home against my will, requiring a doctor's note clearing me back to work.

I don't have enough PTO for this; it will create a deficit on the already planned out trip I have next month. Thankfully the way my job manages extended illnesses like this is that starting the third consecutive day forward of an absence comes out of a separate bank that is reserved only for this type of instance. My upcoming vacation will leave me only about 12 hours without pay, instead of a whole week. I'd likely have had to cancel the entire vacation if that were the case.

My mind has been wandering today. This seclusion is not good for the wandering thoughts. I want to go back to work, so that I have a distraction, but I know that's not smart right now given the reasons already provided. I don't feel myself wandering down a depressive path, but the reckless thoughts have been trying to seep through. Maybe I will go for a short walk tomorrow, just to get out. I won't get close to anyone. I'll make sure not to touch anything with my bare hands, nor will I touch my face if I happen to come in contact with anything. But opening the blinds and the window only does so much.

We'll see if the weather holds out long enough for me to get out. Otherwise, I will have to do something to keep the thoughts at bay. I can only hope that this is the last time I get sick this year. I'm really fucking tired of a shoddy immune system.