watching: nothing
listening to: U2, War
mood: okay
I'm posting my introductory paragraph for my big, huge, research paper. It has to be ten to twelve pages, and it's on my opinion on animal research. I'm sure you'll be able to tell what my opinion is once you read the paragraph. Also, feedback would be nice.
In 1996 when I was twelve years old I conducted an animal experiment. It was a project that I came up with that met the requirements of a class project. My father and I built a wooden maze with a wooden framed, wire-mesh lid that clamped around the outside of the maze. The inner walls of the maze would be moved around so that the maze would change. I borrowed two gerbils from a friend of mine and then set food in the middle of the maze. My hypothesis was that rodents have a very keen sense of smell and would be able to find the food in the center of the maze under a certain amount of time, even after the walls had been moved around. I conducted my experiment during recess and was not supervised by a teacher. The experiment ended up failing when one of the gerbils was accidentally killed and the other gerbil did not move from the start mark. I believe that if a teacher had been present to do the rodent handling, instead of only twelve year olds, the gerbil which was crushed under the lid of the maze may have been spared its life.
Animal testing is important when being used for the right reasons. If scientists are using animal research as a way to better find cures for a serious illness in human or even in other animals, I believe it should be legal. I also believe that these scientists should abide by strict laws so that animals do not have to suffer any unnecessary pain. It is sad to think about cats, dogs, and even rats, being subjected to pain so that humans can live longer, healthier lives. It is also sad to think about a family or a person suffering because of a disease that has no cure. Animal testing in biomedical research is very important if we want to advance in discovering causes and cures for things like cancer or AIDS. While biomedical research is very important, I find that animal testing for the purpose of cosmetics, pesticides, or other household products unnecessary. I do not feel that animals should be subjected to pain or termination so that large cosmetic companies can make a profit. Shampoos and eye shadows are not having new products or chemicals added to them that could potentially threaten people’s lives. Animal testing is very important and helpful in biomedical research but is unnecessary and cruel when it is used by commercial cosmetic companies.
So, let me know how you feel on the topic and what you think of my introductory paragraph. You can be mean, I don't mind.
hey
looks great so far. you did way better then what i could do. good job! anyways, whats up?
» djjester on 2004-04-07 10:02:58
=)
that was fabulous and I agree with you. i think if there is any testing at all on animals, it should be something they(the animals) could benefit from. chemical testing on animals for human purposes is wrong, and shouldn't be done... yup yup yup. anyway, good job again, and good luck =D
» MorosePhoenix on 2004-04-07 07:21:57
um...
i think the last 3 sentences need to be changed. reword them to get rid of the bias or omit them. they also kinda repeat eachother...
the rest of the paragraph is good though.
and 10-12 pages isnt huge... wait... single or double spaced?
» monkeymeister on 2004-04-07 10:26:39
well,
it's supposed to be an argumentative paper so i kind of need the bias. i hate the last paragraph, but i need it as my thesis. oh yeah, i'm a wimp, it's double spaced. i'm just not used to papers that have to be over 5 pages.
» Chloefoxx on 2004-04-07 11:00:05
I think it's great so far. I have been going through a writer's block phase recently which is seriously preventing me from concentrating on writing. I'm sorry I don't have any criticism but I think this paper is going in the right direction
» Ajibalaji89 on 2004-04-07 11:35:10
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