Written by Folk Story

Once in a time where rolling aqua filters perambulated in the mid-evening Jello, there was a mountain of a thousand cocoa beans. The Cocoa Monkeys would climb the knolls, valleys, and gulches of these cocoa beans, forever cultivating the sacred ground upon which they expunged their acids.

One fateful day, the leader of the dormant cocoa beans, Sir Mambishi the Timid, was ejected from his chocolatey casing and let out the wail of a dozen crickets. From all directions, spoons flew in unison into a forcefield that turned them into forks. For one split second, they were sporks. And for that reason alone, the cocoa beans errupted in an orgasmic array of color and odor and were transformed into a can of giraffe milk.

Everybody, even Seymobugi, knows that giraffe milk is a particularly cursed item. It was once transcribed that such a substance could awaken the 2097 year's curse of Fig Penguins. However, all that seemed to happen was a flock of dodos materialized out of the scraps of worm entrails left about. For 17 days, nights, and weeks, the Cocoa Monkeys and the Entrail Dodos fought valiantly with one another.



Many lives and limbs were lost and rediscovered to be chucked into the Vat of Miscellany. As the dust settled, it was clear to see the Entrail Dodos were the victors. One such dodo, KR-17, shed a tear in reverence of their defeated opponents, and later baked a turkey with the amino particles deposited into his cheek.

The Entrail Dodos were destitute, and thus wandered the lands, consuming most if not many of the mushrooms juxtaposed to the path of their limpid itinerary. Without warning, the lands suddenly became flooded, and all of the dodos drowned except for one cunning fellow who found refuge at the peak of the Purple-Toned Mountain Range. For many, many years, XJ-22 starved atop a rather slick, but attractive slab of rock.

One day, XJ-22 arose and found that the water had all been drained down the Sink of Eternal Ambiguity. He gazed upon the dried lands and spotted the most holy of mushrooms. He made his way down the indignant mountain trail only to realize there was a baboon checking out the mushroom as well. XJ-22 said "Yo homie, you best not be steppin'." The handsome baboon replied with much chagrin, "I know!" XJ-22, surprised by the baboon's merciless cunning, inquired about his name. "I have no name, I am the first or last of my kind; I haven't figured out which yet," the baboon insisted. XJ-22 did not care, he only wanted a piece of that fine mushroom, and thus began plotting a devious scheme with the brain in his liver. His first attempt of "Can I have that mushroom" resulted in a quick reply of "NO! You must not consume this towering titan of a treat!"

"Oh come on, can't I just have a handful or three?" inquired XJ-22. The baboon produced a sledgehammer and thrust it at the dodo, who transformed into a wormhole using his entrail powers, and dodged the metal contraption.



Soon after, the baboon asked about the intrusive dodo's name. "Well," XJ-22 replied, "my name is You-Can-Eat-This-Mushroom." The nameless baboon replied, "Well hello, You-Can-Eat-This-Mushroom."

"Oh? I can? Thank you very much," XJ-22 sheepishly screamed. He dove in for the mushroom and took a huge bite, consuming it all in one foul swoop. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO," the baboon was quoted as iterating. XJ-22, enjoying the delicious delight in his stomach after years of fasting, began to glow a very vivid tone of sepia. Unaware of what was happening, he began mouthing the lyrics to "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Protista." Little did he know that the second stanza was the ignition to the curse that was beset upon him after consuming the Mushroom of Brominatio. His entrails exploded and were transfigurated into the worms they were unjustly ripped from at an age too young for a kneecap to swallow. The worms landed in a formation seperate from but identical to the word "Hoya" in Siamese hieroglyphics.

After the worms were drained into the subterranean meat kettle with the aid of the Oboe of the Seasons, the baboon took up the name Hoya and asexually reproduced to create more than 50 baboons. The baboons lived, for the most part, and reproduced in more ways than baboonly imaginable. After those memorable three fortnights, the baboons were the dominant species on the Island of Ishbu, all thanks to the heroics of Hoya.

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