Written by Yenamaboya

For ages, the story of Dr. Mushroom, the very first baboon with a PhD, has been kept clandestine on the island of Ishbu in fear that the morals hidden within would spark a revolt of the emu population around Yousafi Village. Many false versions of the Dr. Mushroom incident have been created over the years, but few mammal-like creatures know of the true, original story. Finally, after over a century of arduous research, the story may once again be told in a circumspect manner.

Dr. Mushroom was once hunting in the wilderness for wild tigers, when suddenly he tripped over a goose and lost his only shoe to the fowl bird. The goose, named Dove, told Dr. Mushroom that there was only one way to recover his shoe. Dr. Mushroom was presented with an intricate and seemingly impossible riddle. “Oh no, my friend,” spoke Dr. Mushroom, “there is indeed another way to circumvent my problem.” With that, Dr. Mushroom slowly raised his rifle.

“Please don’t shoot me!” pleaded Dove. “I promise to give you nearly thirty lemons, a magical chain made of amoeba colonies, and a toenail rejuvenator!”

“No deal!” shouted Dr. Mushroom. “That is, of course, you throw in a free scuba diving lesson, a pearl-lined emu leg, and a juicy cactus steak.”

“Okay, I’ll throw in the scuba diving lesson and the juicy cactus steak, but I’ll only give the pearl-lined emu leg if you give me your binoculars made of fajitas.”

The haggling continued on for at least and hour and a half, until the two finally concurred. Dr. Mushroom, now shoeless, continued on his search for wild tigers. Suddenly, like a scene out of the movie Peanut Brittle, a comely gorilla named Bear parachuted from an obscure location above the jungle, and landed right on top of a finely crafted Portuguese coffee table. Seemingly complacent with his mischievous deed, the Bear strutted over to Dr. Mushroom and asked if he knew where his friend Abu was. He responded with the then cliché phrase, “Maybe he ate a plastic orange!” Displeased with Dr. Mushroom’s obvious lack of respect, Bear bestowed upon the great doctor cursed giraffe ear. “Sorry, I’ve already got a cursed giraffe ear,” Dr. Mushroom informed the silly gorilla. Bear instead gave him a cursed protista ear. Then it happened.

The giraffe ear and the protista ear collaborated and constructed a giant curse that would not only rid Dr. Mushroom of any lice infestation that threatened his shiny coat, but would create a massive, ultraviolet storm above his head for three days and nights. As the clement weather was quickly replaced with a howling storm, Dr. Mushroom frantically searched for shelter from the radioactive drops of rain. As he stumbled down a path laced with shredded Monterey Jack cheese, he was reluctantly coerced under a giant tarantula by an old lady. Who was this lady? Where was she from? How many eastern empires prohibited her entrance? The history of the old lady, which was shrouded in mystery, may very well be revealed in the next installment of Dr. Mushroom’s picayune adventure.

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