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Thursday. 9.22.05 9:26 am
no its not just the disturbed song im ironically listening to at the moment. it is my current state which is a good feeling. they say alcohol is a truth serum which i believe. massey was eyein up this broad and im seriously yelling at him to go talk to her. my truth is i want to see my battle happy which would involve nailin this broad to the wall. grant it, not his words, my words on the action i know he wants to do. so im yellin at him for him to get the internal courage to go talk to her and he doesnt. irrelevant to the point.

my main focus for the night, even in my drunken stupor was to watch after massey. which paid off on a few times. there was this douche, i forget his name, but he seemed like he was 15 and was really pissin me off. heres the deal, we go to a juicy bar (near prostitution as i like to call it) so im ready to leave as soon as we get there, but he holds the other 5 of us up by bein a douche. then we get to a cool, chill place where we can just sit and hang out and NOT push hookers off of us, and this prick is like "oooohhh this sucks, lets gooooooooo!!!1!" (yes reverting to the old 1 in the !!!! to prove the 15 year old mentality, very relevant in this case) and im like fuck dude, i just want to get out of the barricks, not pick up a whore.

and ive expressed my comfort with prostitution as a whole, its just not my gig. sorry. wait no im not fuck you. i dont want a prostitute: deal with it. if you do, fine, but go out on your own to get it. dont hold the other 5 of us down who want to get out and explore seoul. its my last nite here, you think i want to watch you fumble around trying to pick up a whore? oh ho ho you are quite mistaken.

listen, it might be superficial, or even pretentious, but my personal take is that i found a girl, gave her what she wanted, and she will be here soon to further reap those rewards. true or not, thats my mindset and i dont need to go and blow that, along with my pride and stubborness on a $20 whore. again, im not gonna knock you for doing it, but dont bring down 5 other people in the process. i finally said to him (yelled at him according to the others) that "fuck you. if you want to buy some sex, go the fuck ahead, we're going here to this bar" and now that i see it again in my head i was yelling, but he was being a dick. fuck him.

the funny thing is: when people get drunk, they do what they want. most of the guys were hittin on broads left and right. i put my headphones on, blasted them, and remembered good times in the last few months. like that first movie, she was rubbin her foot against me in the class A uniform, and i was so confused, then finding out was like the best feeling ever. im still not completely sure what love is, but when you get lost in your head and picture one person above EVERYTHING, i think its a good sign.

so fuck it. people may laugh at me, say it will never happen. fuck them. i still have hope. its my own personal something to fight for. everyone here needs something to fight for. otherwise they get miserable, like so many people ive seen here, and its actually quite depressing. fuck that. its quitting in my opinion. im gonna fuckin truck on knowing it will all be good. no matter what, my hard work, and devotion to a cause (and person) i believe in will pay off. fuck you if you say otherwise. we all earn what we get, be it negative and positive. so im stayin cool and keeping my stubborn ass ways for that which i love.

but seriously, you have to love seoul, $20 to buy a girl a drink and she'll bone you. damn being alone makes that hard to walk by, knowing you can do it and get away with it. one of our group did so but i will not say his name. he told ONLY me of the 5 because he trusted me. fuck you if you think ill give it up. the others were asking me, including my battle, massey, who i left early to make sure he was safe, and they'll get no satisfaction from me.

this is all part of why its good to be a stupid, stubborn taurus. if we believe in something we DO NOT give in. fuck you. i dont care if north koreans are shootin at me, i believe in the US and defending our allies so im gonna shoot back til im dead or their all done shooting. fuck you. hopefully it never comes to that but im too stubborn to see it otherwise. just like ill wait here for her, regardless of what else is thrown in front of me. fuck you. it like having that perfect peice of the puzzle and throwing it away for a quick fix. fuck that. thats for the weak. ill be damned if my stubborn ass wont stay true to what i believe is right.

oh and i know the religious people dont think my view of right is right but fuck them. their the first to fuckin twist reality and distort facts to justify their pussying out and not owning up to their weaknesses. i know my weakness, true courage and fortitute is overcoming them. yeah im hornier than, i dunno, something really horny, but fuck that. im not gonna give in. i fuckin refuse. ill wait. some things are worth waiting for. and i think she is. time will prove whether im right or wrong. and if im wrong ill feel like a complete fuckin idiot, but if not. ooooohhh nasties. the reward i would have rightfully earned is immeasurable. so ill take that risk. ill risk a while of heartache for a long time of heart fulfillment. risking a dollar for a million dollars isn't logical for me so i dont play the lottery. but this is. and fuck you, im too stubborn to deviate from it.

fuck you i wont change, ever. even if im wrong here, ill do it again later. better to be an idiot than a quitter. if my heart is set to something i WILL NOT quit, otherwise my heart is obviously not set to it. example: my heart is set to my family, if someone like in High Tension is trying to kill them, then either he or i would die that same night. no in between. my heart is set to them, so their safety is of the utmost importance. even above my own. fuck you. and if youd kill me with all the adrenaline and desire to survive, namely to protect my family, then fuckin credit to you for defeating alot comin at you. cause fuck all that shit. fuck sittin around at watchin. fuck not doin anything. fuck JUST calling for help. you call for backup in case you get caught up in the effort to overcome said attacking party.

listen if you love something, you will fight to the death and beyond to keep it or protect it. and thats for non-stubborn people. imagine me, i take it to an extreme beyond that. thats why i was told to go off and do my own thing. fuck that. i will still wait. im to stubborn to do anything that. i will always be here, waiting. ready to defend at any cost. fuck that shit.

ok im about to pass out now,

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high tension
Wednesday. 9.21.05 5:46 am
possibly the best movie ever. listen, i love the movies where someone is fighting with all they have for survival. thats the best. fuck which guy birttney spears is dating in high school - type movies. i want to see someone crazy try to cut you in half with a powersaw and see how hard you fight to survive.

so this broad, sees the guy come up and start killin shit, and she panics some, but not too much as to not pull her head out of her ass and do some intelligent crap to stay alive. the whole movie. and one step better, is even after she escapes and is clear, she goes back in the doodie to save her friend. thats balls, and its a chick. and its awesome because the killer is no idiot, but she manages to stay one step ahead. the thing that sucks is in the bathroom, he checks all the female stalls, but not the male stalls. this guy is ridiculously thourough and methodical. theres NO FUCKING WAY he would not have checked there. i hate when they change a character to make the script easier. ooooohh nasties, it pisses me off so.

and naturally, this broad is staying ahead of the game, until when? WHEN SHES DRIVING! so shes smart, physically able, andnot scared. but goddamned if she can keep a car on the road. listen i dont write the movies, i just repeat what i see. and the movie is such a good statement for women empowerment, yet she wrecks 100% of the vehicles she drives. and this had the part like jeepers creepers i hated to. this broad has a pimp ass mustang, safe to assume it was modified for spee purposes, and this rickety ass truck that weighs like 2 tons keeps up with it. on a windy road at that. theres no way it would have near the pickup as that mustang. again: easy way out to keep the story goin, pussies.

but i digress from the cool shiznit of the movie. the entire time its the chick whos crazy and fuckin people up, and so the entire movie is her fighting herself. remember the dream in the beginning where she's runnin from herself? forsight bitches, always good. and of course not everyone understands what happened, so once you say, "remember fight club?" it all clicks for them. its an awesome idea. i think your best enemy is yourself and this movie portrays it beautifully. because its a vicious fight, even at the very end where they're tryin to choke each other to death. i love it. disturbed's "enemy" song was stuck in my head from that moment on.next time you see it play that song there, id bet it would rock.

speaking of disturbed i had the fortune of pickin up their new cd. im clawin eyes to use someone cd player tolisten to it, and i think ill be able to soon. so i have no comment yet on its undoubted greatness. but i did think of somethin: the cd is called 10,000 fists. remember the band 10,000 maniacs? maybe it a reference to punching each one of them in the face. you would need 10,000 fists to do it. think about it bitches

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devils rejects
Tuesday. 9.20.05 3:18 am
word to the comments. sorry about the women driving thing, to a point. just a comment on the world i've seen. but speaking of the ladies bein silly, this movie has the perfect part (like saw and we all remember my speil on that) where the girl who is a victim, has a chance and blows it. she took the gun from her captor and just waved it around at her. fuck that. if i saw you kill someone, and threatened continually to kill me, then as soon as i had the gun you'd have one right in your face. (they were 5 feet away it doesnt matter how well you shoot {and shooting an M9 on a pop up target range doesnt make you good dear, do it on the single paper target for a score, good job all the same}). still, the point is, as soon as you have a chance to turn it around, shoot her in the fuckin face. or, if somehow you decide do go against the laws of nature and fight your primal instinct to kill those who will kill you, and you feel sad and decide not to kill her, shoot her in goddamn leg or something to disable her. fuck. its like a shark chasing you then you swim into deeper water.

now, besides all that stuff, the gun was not loaded, but she did not know that, and she did not try to shoot anyway. my point is the ideology behind not killing those who wish to kill you. in discussing this today, someone said 'well killing is wrong' so instead of killing, you will be killed, and the 'sin' is done anyway. another situation where someone could have killed but didnt was the cop.

listen, this guy rocked, especially because a) he was crazy, b) he had that mexican guy who playes a thug in EVERY movie, and c) he had the undertaker too. bad stuff bitches. so he concocts a good plan (thru beating up a pimp, always entertaining) and captures the killers. but instead of killing them right away, he takes them back and tortures them. which i agree with in this situation based on all the people they fucked with similarly. good old justice. get some. but then hey toys with them a little too much. he let the broad go, and it all went down from there. he grabbed an axe, and was willing to chop her in half, which is more than admirable. but he should have killed her in the house.

PLUS, right, this cop was fairly intelligent. and he had a whole investigative team. a logical person could deduct the fact those cops would know who all was involved in the family. they should have known tiny was still somewhere. they knew they got the 2, and the 3 ran, so tiny was still somewhere. its too easy with 40 cops to comb the area around the house where he obviously stayed. but tiny was good stuff. i love that guy.

in the first movie, he was nice with the chick, he just wanted someone to like him. but no, Ms. Cheerleader was thrown off by how he looked and turned down an obviously nice guy to go get her shallow ass tortured. good. bitch deserved it if you ask me. but whatever, tiny was nice to her, then he let her go. they never hint towards him hurtin anyone until the cop was threatening to kill his family. then what happened? tiny had his hands on the cop for 2 seconds before he killed that mofo. its that simple. listen, if your fighting for your survival or the survival of those you love, theres no fuckin around. sure he could have incapacitated the cop and the other 3 would have their fun torturing him in return, probably 3 fold. but tiny's like fuck all this dumb, baskin robbins, runnin around crap. im gonna end it right fuckin here. the only smart one the entire fuckin time. then rob zombie had him walk into the fire. what the fuck rob? seriously. the best character, bar none, commiting suicide. what is the point? hes obviously the defender of his family, so then he just decides fuck it and kills himself? especially when he could have went with the family he JUST RISKED HIMSELF TO SAVE? listen, i understand you wanted the dramatic ending, which did rock, but you cant just throw capt. cool away because now hes a burden to the script. i think that was gay. besides if tiny went with them, he would have killed all the cops on that road and they would have survived. damn people killing off the smart ones all the time. sigh.

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more religion
Monday. 9.19.05 2:38 am
ok, so i get the interesting question of all questions today: what is your religion. and of course for me its not a simple one word answer. hence my dog tags say N/A on the religion line. and of course the person asking is all out christian. so why not just say are you chrisitan? i know if i say anything but, you will automatically surpas me in worth for my not belonging to your faith. and thats the way it is, to some degree, i dont care who says otherwise. if you devout yourself, without question, to one set of beliefs, then obviously you KNOW that is right. therefore if you are right, and someone disagrees, they are wrong. therefore, you are right, they are wrong, so you obviously are smarter or better informed, or in some way have a leg up on that now proven inferior person. my fault along those lines, is that if you are a woman, i know you cant drive. its that simple. sure it may not be true for everyone, but i drive around all the time, and see a nonstop slew of women who just are bewildered by the idea.

more digression. i know that had nothing to do with the religion discussion at hand, its just they piss me off so bad on the road. none the less. we're talkin about how everything is based on your perception of life. she brought up the point about worshipping false idols and not believing in god will bring doom upon you. i reminded her, that is based on her interpretation of a book in which she believes is the word of god. no real grounds for die hard devotion in my book. but the phenomenal part of the discussion was her rationalization of it, kind of her proof.

she mentioned the american indians, who lived here realtively peacefully for a long time (i know they fought each other too). but all the same, us crackers came over, and one way or another killed them all. my opinion: its sucked ass and id call it a tragedy. she says it was gods will and it was a GOOD thing. it was god punishing them for worshiping false idols (like nature i guess, it doesnt really exist, god plants every seed by hand, duh). so i of course thought she was joking, and my retort was 'yeah, im still waiting til they name him Saint Hitler' and she didnt get it. but its the exact same fuckin idea. where do you come up with this shit? ok, they worshiped trees and animals, things they could see and held respect for (which are creations OF god by your definition anyway) get slaughtered by fat, lazy, honkeys whose religion (which you are preaching to me today) was not accepted where you were and instead of god toppling that society you ran here, and killed those people who were doin fine. if thats gods will then fuck your god. yeah i said it.

listen, if you want to worship a god that decides to kill an entire continent of people so you can worship your contradicting book, created, edited, and misrepresented by lying, cheating, power hungry humans for 1500 years, then im gonna have to disagree. and if you feel that makes me inferior (what, with all my crazy THINKING i choose to implement) then fuck you too. i have my own believes, i dont expect anyone else to agree or follow, and i can deal with others' beliefs, but once you become so engrained with a belief, you'll make shit up to justify it, of distort reality to fit your belief because you cant change it now, its a part of you. example: today i saw a pink dragon walk down the street. i saw him, i know hes real. what you dont believe it? fuck you then he will kill you and send you to hell. you are obviously an idiot and are uneducated. hey, i found a dollar, the pink dragon wants me to be rich. hey, you gave me herpes, the pink dragon will punish you, regardless of the fact that i was wrong to have sex with you, he'll disregard my wrong doing because i believe that pink dragon is who he claims to be: The Pink Dragon. how does a brain come up with this shit? its starting to hurt mine. i need a slushie.

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Seoul bitches
Saturday. 9.17.05 7:11 pm
word. goin to seoul today for the week course on handwriting analysis. thats some kick ass stuff. seould is like 4 hours northwest of deagu. the awsome thing is we're takin the KTX bullet train. se we'll get there in like 2 hours, less actually i believe.

so heres somethin funny. i saw an add for a show called 'how i met your mother' and im thinkin like 20785923 add on lines that would be hilarious. it could just be the first line of a book and the book could have a milion possibilities. shit the waters done

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Thursday. 9.15.05 8:10 am
listen. heres the situation: you go to the commissary, buy some delicious honey glazed ham, and white american cheese. then you have your sandwhiches and an omlette. but whats this; you run out of ham (which was delicious, and glazed with honey), yet you still have like 16 slices of cheese. my question is this: isn't it logical to make 2 big ass grilled cheese sandwhiches? you have no ham for the cheese so its the best remaining choice am i right? so when you see a battle makin a huge grilled cheese, dont look at him or her questioningly. nay. instead praise his or her glorious sandwhich, de la cheese (thats french for cheese sandwhich).

oh another thing. we have a new saying. we were watchin the behind the scenes to black hawk down. and it shows the actors doing the 'army orientation' basically a week of pussified boot camp. anyway, as has been our experience in the army, the 'instructors' teaching the actors said in an interview about how the actors 'pulled together and worked as a team.' no they didn't. they were all ate up. soup sandwhich style. they didnt do a damn thing as a team. yet its said so much around here about how everything is as a team, that now we say it all the time in reference to anything. "hey massey, that guy failed his driving test" ... " well he should have pulled together as a team" funny stuff. also funny how the week long basic training 'preview' for the actors, issued them much better equipment then we got who actually trained in the stuff because we will actually do it. i found that to be quite amusing. its like putting a good engine in a display model car, yet putting a box of crayons in the engine compartment of the car to be raced. silly stuff bitches.

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