so i know that next to no one reads this anymore and that next to no one reads this anymore but every so often when i get into a certain mood i feel like i need to do something shout scream or end up trying to write even a little bit of what i feel down for the total of no one to read but its like an outlet some where i can let go for a minute and not worry about all my problems large or small that all ball up inside of me until i finally explode and have one big melt down that many people close to me know about usually they are panic attacks or some type of long cry that worries everyone because it lasts pretty much close to forever i just wish sometimes things work out for me for the best and not make me feel this weird empty feeling that comes over me sometimes when i just want to curl up in bed and not get up and believe me i have done that before with out two thoughts to whether i needed to be doing stuff or talking to people i just wanted to curl up and stay in my dark room and not be bothered by anything and right now you don't know how good that sounds i just want to hide and forget about everything and everyone and hopefully everyone will just forget about me too.........

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so i am pretty much ready for summer even though i have to go to school still but its still going to be amazing i have concluded hung with the most amazing girl ever miss jessi barnes today it pretty much rocked ass umm oh and saw a certain boy gave back his clothes and actually had a conversation with him that lasted more than two words was pretty awesome tonight should be fun tonight anywhere i go tonight so i am pretty excited oh and i look totally hott today i could tell just by his look on his face...hmmm......

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soundtrack to the movie of your life -

So ... what you do .. open your music player (Limewire, Ares, Kazaa, iTunes, whatever) and put it on shuffle. For each category, hit next .. and put the first song that starts playing! Don't cheat, it's actually kind of weird!

Opening credits:
Colt 45 - Afroman

Waking up:
In the Deep - Bird York

Average day:
I am Lost Without You - Blink 182

First date:
I Don't Like the Look of That - Da Backwudz

Falling in love:
Gravity - Dresden Dolls

Fight scene:
Best of You - Foo Fighters

Breaking up:
We're All to Blame - Sum 41

Getting back together:
Still Waiting - Sum 41

Secret love:
Like the Rain - Clint Black

Life's okay:
Another One Bites the Dust - Queen

Mental breakdown:
Amsterdam - Dresden Dolls

Driving:
Sway - Pussycat Dolls

Learning a lesson:
In the Shadows - Story of the Year

Deep thought:
Reasons Why - Nickel Creek

Flashback:
Good Morning Beautiful - Kieth Urban

Partying:
Shake - Ying Yang twins

Happy dance:
She's Perfect - Jimmy Eats World

Regretting:
Mistake - Fiona Apple

Long night alone:
All of This - Blink 182

Death scene:
Open Heart Surgery - The Bravery

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Last Person Who...
x. Slept in your bed -meeee of course who else would there be
x. Saw you cry - my mom during one of my numeroud panic attacks
x. Made you cry - everything
x. Spent the night - sarah and lauren
x. You shared a drink with - no clue
x. You went to the movies with - lauren
x. You went to the mall with - my daddy
x. Yelled at you - erik
x. Sent you an e-mail - derek sent me an awesome email

Have Your Ever...
x. Said "I love you" - unfortunately
x. Been to New York - yes
x. Been to Florida - yes
x. California - yes
x. Hawaii - yes its amazing i want to live there
x. Canada nope its too cold
x. Ecuador - nope too hot
x. Danced naked - of course do it in the shower all the time
x. Dreamed something - probably

Pick One...
x. Apples or bananas - bananas of course
x. Red or blue - blue
x. Walmart or Kmart - target
x. Math or English - math duh
x. Drawing or Painting - drawing i am a master doodler
x. High school or College - college
x. Last time you went out of state - march
x. Lucky number(s) - 13 and 8
x. Things you like in a girl/guy - confidence takes it the right speed and not too oh i love you sooo much or like you sooo much all the time scares me off
x. Weirdest thing about you - does everything count
x. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend - nope i am single but i am sure i will have to eventually tell some of the guys yes or no at some point
x. What book are you reading now - must love dogs
x. What's on your mouse pad - ballerina
x. Favorite magazine - don't have one
x. Worst feeling in the world - failure it kills me
x. Do you like scary or exciting roller coasters - of course they are amazing
x. How many rings before you answer - depends on who it is, if i can get to it, if i want to talk, and who is in the room with me
x. Future daughter's name - i have always liked saphire
x. Future son's name - dean
x. Chocolate or vanilla - chocolate syrup
x. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal - nope
x. If you could have any job you wanted, what would it be - an awesome position in a ballet and modern company where they actually liked me and didn't think i was fat
x. What are you going to do after you finish this survey - probably making a cake maybe laundry
x. What was the last food you ate - doritos at like 11:30 last night
x. you bored - i guess a little but it doesn't bother me
x. How many buddies are on - probably not they are probably all at school
x. Last movie you saw - stick it " call me ....stalk you"
x. You get embarrassed when - when i do things wrong or say something weird or when my fam makes a sport of telling stories of me at my worst
x. What upsets you - things not working out panicing about things not happening right and so forth
x. You keep a diary - sometimes
x. You like to cook - only when i want to and can make what i want to
x. You have a secret you have not shared with anyone - probably probably wish there are a few people didn't know
x. You set your watch a few minutes ahead - No, why would I do that?
x. You bite your fingernails - sometimes
x. You believe in love - umm i guess in a sense but sometimes i don't believe its for me
x. The sexiest person of the opposite sex - i know every girl on earth says this but brad pitt really gets me his voice his looks gah i could die
x. The weirdest person you know - josh from illinois still can't get over fred the pet mole
x. The loudest person you know - lauren
x. Your close friends - sarah lauren alex
x. Most boring teacher - ms. wentworth

What is?
x. Your most overused phrase on IM - o ok
x. Your best feature - eyes but if you asked a guy they would probably make a comment about my boobs ......(lauren: motor boat)
x. Inside joke - strap on or real dick

Do you?
x. Take a shower everyday - of course i love showers and being clean
x. Have a (any) crush (es)- i think i might have a few
x. Think you've been in love - i thought but we all have moments of bad judgement don't we
x. Want to get married - Yes
x. Piercing/where - ears
x. Get along with your parents - most of the time

FAVORITES...
x. Color - pink
x. Day - friday kind of girl
x. Month - may
x. Drink - i drink a lot of water

PREFERENCES....
x. Cuddle or kiss - cuddle while kissing
x. Chocolate milk or hot chocolate - chocolate milk
x. Milk, dark, or white chocolate - milk and white seperate or together

[IN THE LAST 24 HOURS, HAVE YOU]
x. Cried - nope
x. Helped someone - nope
x. Bought something - nope
x. Gone to the movies - watched a movie didn't go to the movie theater though
x. Gone out for dinner - nope
x. Said, "I love you" - no i haven't
x. Written a real letter - nope
x. Talk to an ex - ya for some unknown reason i talk to him all the time
x. Missed an ex - nope
x. Written in a journal - nope
x. Had a serious talk - i don't think so
x. Missed someone - no clue if i do
x. Hugged someone - ya no not really
x. Kissed someone - nope you guys just like me saying no
FOUGHT WITH YOUR PARENTS? nope

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I like things like this basically you only have one choice because its your b-day month and when most of the descprition is rights its even better so you now get to read what i am me being a may baby and everything


~*may baby*~
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Shy towards oppisite sex. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited.

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so basically pneumonia and antibiotics are a bitch

and i officially ended something that needed to be done with

it sucks but if i hadn't it would have swelled into a huge problem

and just added to my pile of problems

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