Speak to My Finger

Tell me what do you guys think of this plate. Is it too ugly to be given as gift?

My department organised a potluck cum gift exchange today, and yesterday was a devastating day for me.

The budget for the gift is USD 7.50 and we were supposed to buy in group in a nearby shopping mall but I know I could do better so I asked the chairperson if I could just buy elsewhere and she said it's not a problem as long as the gift is within the budget, and I just have to declare what my gift is and its price before wrapping.

And so I passed my gift to my colleague who took it to the chairperson, and then the ladies in my department gathered hush-hush in the chair's room. I could see the manager holding my gift with a serious look from outside the door window. As I was passing by, she called me in.

Majority of the staff were in the room. Wow. This is so happening.

She neared me and said "Hey, this plate doesn't look like worth RM22. Can you buy a new gift?" with a mild disgusted expression.

I crinkled. "There's a price tag down there ma..."

"I don't like your gift. Please buy a new one." Suddenly the chairperson said from her chair with her blackened face. (I think she even lifted her finger to accompany that gesture. I was just suddenly thrown into confusion.)

"But I bought this from Bangsar and it's from a Germany brand. I think it's practical because you can use it as a plate and decorative item."

"But we don't like your gift. Please buy a new one." She echoed.

"I don't have budget."

Then one of the colleagues showed two items that they were looking for. One huge photoframe and the other is a salt holder. They wanted something BIG and NICE.

Ah.

Being hurt (very raw), I hurled back "What? I don't want a photoframe? Is that practical in the digital age?"

The colleague who showed me the items then replied "Then you don't join the gift exchange la."

The manager beside me was kinda torn but she surrendered to the situation.

"OK. I don't join. I don't join tomorrow's eating session also!"

The chair "Like this ah? Then we don't have any gathering anymore" with a disgusted face.

The manager "Don't be like that la. Let's settle it now... So you are ok not to join the gift exchange?"

I studied her expression and decided to give her face. "Yea."

I was so hurt and I really wanted to talk to someone about it... Imagine containing the sadness in the heart and I was able to be myself during a meeting after we exchange those hurtful words.

I did pour my heart content to someone and the first word came out was 'rude' followed by 'ungrateful.' I'm not trying to get people's sympathy. I was just trying to pour out my sadness and reflect what went wrong... I just simply need a non-judgmental listener.

I kept playing the reel the whole day even during the supermarket shopping for the potluck...

When I came home, the hurt didn't decrease a bit even. So I told my family about it, and decided to make the salad without presenting myself. But mum shot back "What's the point?"

Yea. What's the point in that?

I called up the manager in the evening to withdrawal and she sent me a text. First glance was enough to make my heart further plunge. I'm very traumatised with the word 'team.' Don't go telling me about 'my team'.

So the next morning which is today... she asked to see me. The damage further plunged and I was teary. My voice cracked. The first thing she said to me was the same thing she wrote in the sms. Again and Again.

Before that, she showed who's the boss. God. I just said openly "Why some people don't use their brain before talking." And I wasn't even referring to any colleagues just general people.

And she shot me? "How dare you use such harsh words? You are talking to a manager!"

Oh how lovely. You are squirming in front of someone who hits bulleyes?

She kept repeating the same sms message. And I was cringing. Are we not in the team to begin with? So why kept mentioning 'my team'? Just because I don't report to you? But in the same department? Oh come on. Be more open minded.

There were lot of exchanges and then the best part was "You hurt them by saying their gifts are not practical."

So.. I hurt them. So who the hell hurt me?

Another best part of all, no one is talking to me since yesterday. Oh great. Speaking of professionalism.

I'm moving on.