Many things can happen in a year. And some things are even beyond my imagination. I remember how much I was looking forward to next year's bonus and increment but I didn't have to any more. The rest I wanted to badly since the lockdown didn't come true when I shower myself with several online courses that I can feel my body screaming of exhaustion. I am so due for a rest spiritually. I don't think many people don't understand that. I really feel like doing nothing everyday. Just do things in the moment not plan for the next minute and then curse myself stupid for not achieving the things-to-do list. It's very tiring. People marvel at my list of friends but I can also tell you how marveled I am when so many just cease talking to me one day. I do that to others too when they said things I dislike.

"I didn't know you are busy sleeping around." Just because you bought me an isotonic drink, I don't belong to you.

"Sorry to tell you you just miss the boat." I didn't know there is an age limit to dreaming. I really hope that's not the excuse to make me give up so you can court me. You just didn't know how disappointed I were when I heard this sentence coming from your mouth. "Oh you know I am a good kisser." No use when your heart stinks.

"I love you." No, grandpa, no. Are you even a rich grandpa? "It takes time to grow love." No no no. I am not interested in grandpa with a baby.

"You only use your friends." I do. If you even read what takes to be friends, it's about you-use-me-i-use-you currency. Of course, it's not as crude as how I put it. I am just saying frankly. We usually say 'help' instead. Anyways, you don't even help others who are as suicidal as you or others who are already ahead of you. Being silence on people's cry is not a way to help.

"You are not sexy enough... dress like her la. Then you can get any guys." Yea, I know it's normal animal instinct but then my eyes and ears are polluted enough with this kind of shit. That's why pets are better than humans. They don't judge. You give them food and cuddles, they are your slaves or gods for ever.

I am enough. I have to learn to let go of all the friends that hurt me. I have to let them go so I can find happiness in myself. I don't need to know why they hurt me. It's not necessary for me to know. They are answerable to themselves.

I am tired with some social interactions.

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