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Speak to My Finger
Books
Books I have completed reading since January 2021:

1. The Enchanted - Rene Denfield
Sigh
Friday. 10.21.16 5:22 am
I received a long lecture from a friend about my complaint that friends are not talking to me anymore. His points are

1. I am too straightforward that my words hurt others.
2. My sense of humour is very mismatch. People don't get it.
3. I asked questions like a hawk that people don't like.
4. People here dislike my western oriented educated character.

These words hurt me very painfully.

He asked me to reflect on myself why friends of more than 5 years have ceased talking to me anymore. Or any amount of years. He wanted to me say the problem lies within myself. I do agree that we ourselves sometimes is the cause of the problems.

I knew somewhat myself has been not myself as of this year. Been overworked and underappreciated for coming 10 years has really taken a toll on me. Especially this year. So much of lending my ears n eyes to others that I myself have no where to express such concerns. Do they even appreciate me for being there for them?

I have been trying to be myself and yet I have been told that from the view of art of communication is not somethig allowed. I have to learn how others speak and then talk like them. Have I not known that? Yes, I know but I don't like the topic. Seriously. It is a waste of my time.

And then I realise perhaps people stop communicating with me perhaps

1. They have moved on.
2. They don't like me.

If the latter please don't ever come to me for help neither to listen to your sufferings. No. I am a tired person. I have enough.

So if they don't like me, why do I even want to spend time with them? No wonder people say pets are the best companions. They don't judge maybe because they need a sheltered life.

Yes, I can find new batch of friends but I am not really solving the problem. But what else can I do? I have lived a life that is merely following others and it does not work.

If like this, most of my friends should be deleted from my list.

He also said people would want to get near me because of the resources that I have. Yea, that is also the reason why friends have also stopped talking to me. I agree. Again, please don't find me back. I am very tired in this human shell.

If what I said is true and you cannot accept it isn't it your problem? I can change my straightforwardness whatsoever but the truth is the truth. How do you want to change the truth?
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