Speak to My Finger

I actually never thought of going to Japan. I have always been avoiding this country for 2 mainly reasons:

1. Because of my ex- when I was still with my ex... every savings went to buying tickets to spend time with him... thank god... now I can use the money anyhow I like!

2. Because of radiation from Fukushima.

However, I cannot deny myself from the yearning of wanting to go to Japan so badly.

I have been experiencing a series of burnout since 2014. And I keep asking myself if I wanna travel, where do I wanna go. Japan always popped up in my mind but due to the above two reasons, I kept demotivating myself that I can't because it's expensive country and I chose my ex! That's at that time la...

But in 2015... my burnout worsened: my energy was so spent that all I could think of is to go on a holiday. It was so bad that all I wanted was to drop everything and just fly there the next day.

At that time, it was not because I don't want to do so but the major deterrence was my credit card debt. It was so high that it was frightening and if I were to buy the air ticket, I won't be able to reduce the debt at all. Even if I go, I won't even have cash to buy food or window shopping.. then what's the point of suffering in Japan? Everything is so beautiful but will be limited by the size of my pocket? That sucks.

Despite all these limitations, I almost proceeded to booking in October to fly in January until many of my friends in Japan were slamming on my idea. Their argument was why in January when it's still winter? It's freaking cold and all you wanna do is to stay in bed. After considering this statement I thought for a long time. I have arthritis and what's the point of going in winter?! OMG! So when the hell am I going for a damn holiday?!

So in the end with all these limitations... I prayed to God that I want to have a chance to go to Japan for free. Food, lodging and even air ticket will be paid for.

I even dare to dream that I want to attend my favourite Jpop singer concert back in last August if I had the chance. Here is one of her songs... It's Beni Arashiro.. She is so damn pretty!! And her voice is angelic!

Being absorbed into when and where I wanna go in Japan, I often viewed the map and for some reason I told myself "If I happen to be in Japan, I will go to Hiroshima to pay homage." I got no idea why I said that.

That prayer was in December 2015...