Sometimes I reflect on how my counselor at St. John's talked to me. He wasn't just a head-nodder like that therapist I had when I got home. I always felt really... I don't know... patronized by her, because she would analyze my dreams

("maybe you feel like a walrus inside")

and it seemed really ridiculous, especially in the wake of my breakup with my ex. She was kind of like my mom, didn't really challenge me in any meaningful way.

But my counselor did disagree with me on things and he voiced that, not in an aggressive way or anything, but in a way that seemed... reasonable. Like when I got way too wrapped up in philosophy and confusion (probably related to derealization) and was telling him I felt afraid to walk because I really didn't know if the ground would be there when I put my foot down... He seemed slightly disbelieving I guess, and not like he was just going to take me seriously about that.

("You know that's not real, right?")

I guess it took me by surprise that people would separate philosophical ideas from their concrete realities. Once I really started thinking about that though, it made a world of difference for me. It was like... all this stuff in my head is fine and well and all, but it's contained and it doesn't have to be screwing up what's outside my head. I can separate that.

Maybe that approach wouldn't work for everyone, but I think I really needed someone to basically tell me, "cut the crap and be more practical about this. You aren't as bad as you think and you're capable of handling the situation."

In a way that's what all the authority figures in my life have always told me though, I guess... but it was more like "I know you're capable of doing this, why aren't you trying harder?"

(My report cards always said "bright but needs to work harder")

My parents just assume I can figure things out on my own and I don't need help. It's very hard for me to ask for help because of that, since it seems like everybody thinks I should be able to do things on my own. With my counselor it was a bit different, because although he did want me to be more practical and realistic, he didn't just say that and walk away. There was more support.

I'm in my twenties now and still just starting to come to terms with the idea that it's okay to ask people for help. -__- Even if it's just something small like asking directions in an area I don't know... I don't know if that's just getting over shyness or realizing it's okay to ask for help, though.

I'm having to learn this too. I was the kid who looked like he had it all together, and as I grew up I sort of slid all my failures under the carpet. I've only gotten used to making them known in the past year or so. Even moreso this week, haha.
» middaymoon on 2013-09-07 04:52:54

(walrus inside)





» invisible on 2013-09-08 03:32:00

Utilizing community resources--the people. I'm sort of teaching myself to be more open to talking to people while out and about, to ask questions, and be available to have these things asked of me, too. (Such as not much public headphone use.)

Growing up, man. You'd think we would have been told more about it. Or, even, what growing really is, as a person.
Anyways.
» invisible on 2013-09-08 03:32:58

Re
I saw it on memebase, actually. My life is there.
» jabberwock on 2013-09-08 09:17:08

Gotta agree with midday. It was only in the past year that I started actually announcing that I had a disability standing at the school, and it's surprising to see how many people relate and look into it.

re: I try to portray my life as realistically as possible, while still being a first person with limited perspective--so, I would say that, if it seems that way, it typically is so.
» Unicornasaurus on 2013-09-10 09:44:52

Re:
Ask for help. Friends will neither begrudge you it nor think less of you. Throughout high school and university, many friends/acquaintances needed help, whether to weather academic difficulties or emotional/family issues. Ask your friends, they will be there for you~
Also glad you like your new counselor more. There's truly a quality difference there.
» SylphFeather on 2013-09-19 03:07:40

Re:
Ask for help. Friends will neither begrudge you it nor think less of you. Throughout high school and university, many friends/acquaintances needed help, whether to weather academic difficulties or emotional/family issues. Ask your friends, they will be there for you~
Also glad you like your new counselor more. There's truly a quality difference there.
» SylphFeather on 2013-09-19 03:11:03

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