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Memores acti prudentes futuri


You're unsure if I am a loose end or a strand
that waits for you to mend or understand
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
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Disturbing...
Friday, April 29, 2011
Don't have a new router yet. I'm still using the front computer.

I just took a nap, and I had... kind of a disturbing dream.

In it, I started out pregnant. That was uh... all fine and good, I guess. When I had the baby, all I did was squat down in what felt like an isolated/abandoned bathtub and it... came out without a hitch. There was no labor.

The "baby" was a sixteen year old boy. I had no affection for him.

I went to talk to my mom about the pregnancy. She was surprised that the birth wasn't intense, and told me that it had been for her. I thought to myself that I had been clever doing it the way I did, and was... kind of smug about it. I guess I was also pleasantly surprised that taking advice from Cracked had been such a good idea. [See HERE]

My body even seemed fine. I had on a shirt, and it felt like I was exactly the same weight that I had been before getting pregnant. My tummy wasn't flabby or anything at all.

But... when I lifted up my shirt a little to see if I had stretch marks, I was rather horrified to discover that I had two patches of what looked like tractor marks on the sides of my stomach. They were very deep grooves.

Like this, except in my flesh, and scaled down.


There were also a ton of quarter-sized itchy red patches on my torso. I had no idea what they were, but their presence worried me.

Later, I was again horrified, because all the red patches had apparently been new nipples sprouting up on me. They weren't clustered close together or anything, but were spread out on the skin of my stomach, chest and back. You could only see them if I lifted up my shirt...

I wondered if they were there to nurse my child, but he was already sixteen, so it seemed like that couldn't be the reason. They were still red, just kind of dark brown in the middle where the new flesh was poking out. I looked like I had been infected with an alien disease...

---

Yeah, I woke up feeling extremely freaked out, but I couldn't remember the dream, so I didn't know why I felt that way. My mom thinks I had it because the room was too hot...

---

Yesterday I had a dream that I was going to the environmental studies center at school, and it was raining. When I got inside I was dry though. It looked nothing like the building it was representing... actually it felt kind of like a larger version of my grandparents' house in Hawaii. Tropical.

People were gathered around a TV in the room I entered first. They were watching a movie where people with shovels were mechanically raising them up and bringing them down on the ground beneath the frame. I could hear sobbing screams of pain from the left area outside the camera field. Then it panned to a naked blonde girl on the ground who was covered with little red gashes. They were beating her to death with the shovels.

Feeling disturbed, I walked away to see what was on the other TVs. Some old people were watching something in black and white, but I didn't find it interesting.

I left, and went to talk to my dad about the movie I had seen. He recognized it, and said "ah, yes, that's Marsh Alley or Marshmallow." Apparently it was a classic movie from the seventies. He said "you used to do the Pledge of Allegiance, right?" I nodded. "Well, it's like that."

---

I don't know why I keep having these creepy dreams...
3 Comments.


I dont know if those were better than running for your life dreams...
» Nuttz on 2011-04-30 03:04:32

I dreamed last night that Jacob was attacking me. He would get angry at anything I did and at one point stabbed a shot of some sort of paralyzer in to me and I could no longer move my arm or leg. Oddly enough, I think it had to do with way I was laying that actually caused my arm and leg to fall asleep. But it bothered me knowing that he was trying to hurt me. Your dreams just keep getting stranger and stranger. In a not-so-good way. Maybe if you tried sleeping with a fan blowing on you? If it's heat related, then that might help ease the weirdness.
» LostSoul13 on 2011-04-30 05:24:42

I do need a rest
I know for sure that I did badly on an Econ test because I didn't sleep the night before, but I definitely got a lot of sleep before my last calc test. It would make sense, but unfortunately something else is going on here.
» middaymoon on 2011-04-30 10:57:11

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