I'm feeling increasing tired of consumerism and neoliberal ideology.

I don't want stuff for the sake of having stuff. I don't want stuff because I think having stuff will in itself make me happy.

On the other hand, this doesn't mean that I'm resolving to become a minimalist and get rid of all my possessions, either. I like having physical books because I find them easier to read. I don't think I need them by any means, nor do I think it's particularly important that other people know which books I own. There's something about the physicality of books that helps me remember information better. The discreteness of the pages compared to the infinitely scrolling walls of text online. I can place something I read by recalling generally where it was in the sequence of pages. The motion of turning the pages, the slight movement of my head as I look from one page to the next; these are helpful somehow to my memory.

As much as I read on the internet, it doesn't seem to stick with me as well.

I'm finding it hard to care about clothes as well. I appreciate the aesthetics of various fashions, but have very little desire to spend any time building my wardrobe. As long as I have clothes that are functional and meet the minimum requirements of appropriateness for the situation I'm in, I don't know how much any of it really matters. It can still be fun to try on clothing in stores, but I rarely want to buy anything. Even when I do really like something, if I sit on that feeling for a day or so it goes away. I still wear a lot of the t-shirts I got in high school because I haven't grown out of them and they don't have holes yet.

The constant cultural messages about being productive and efficient and using the things you consume as the building blocks of your identity... I'm just exhausted. I don't want to live this way. I don't have any grand diatribes about how humans weren't meant to live this way or anything, I'm just tired. It doesn't feel like I can keep up.

I want to live more slowly, I guess. But... I don't want to do it alone. That's what makes it hard more than anything else. I don't fault people who feel differently than me and want to live a fast-paced life, but I wish I knew how to find the people who are looking to slow down. The ones who aren't crazy, I mean.

There seems to be a lot of overlap between people who are interested in slow living and people who are into like... astrology or healing crystals or whatever. Or on the other hand, there are the people like an ex of mine, who went so far down the rabbit hole that he said he'd like to do literally nothing all day. That's not what I want at all.

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