I'm back from Australia (by which I mean, I'm in Hawaii again). I actually missed my flight on Friday morning, which was briefly pretty stressful. Got the time zones mixed up because of Google Calendar... Rebooked for the next day for $75. I had to call my uncle to pick me up from the airport, and we ran a couple errands before going home. My uncle was very understanding about it and told me not to feel bad, but my mom started lecturing me on how I needed to be more careful and that my mistakes were affecting everyone around me. She has a knack for bad timing, so she basically started lecturing me as soon as I got home, which wasn't that long after everything happened at the airport. I already felt bad about it, and she just made it worse. It was whatever though... I told her I didn't need a lecture, and she was like "I'm not lecturing you"... as she proceeded to lecture me. -__- She's done this more times than I can count, and I knew it was only going to escalate if I stayed, so I just went to my room and stayed in there for most of the rest of the day to avoid her. Didn't need things to turn into a heated discussion of how selfish and careless she thinks I am.

Honestly, I don't really have much to say about Australia. I feel like I should, but I just... don't. It was cool seeing how it differed from the US in various ways, but I felt a bit nervous the whole time I was there. Good ol' anxiety at work. For most of my stay, Becka and Joel bought/provided food for me, which was a relief, since I kept feeling anxious about trying to pay for myself and whether there would be any complications around that. I guess it's actually pretty straightforward and you can just use your credit card like normal, but I think the unfamiliarity of it was stressful for me. I'm not sure what it is about foreign money that's so... anxiety-provoking for me, but I bought almost nothing while I was there.

It feels like my anxiety levels have been increasing over the past few years. In a way, it feels like being in high school again? Although back then I just thought of it as shyness, not anxiety. It's been feeling harder to do new things than it used to, which seems... counterintuitive? I mean, it's easier to do certain things, like meet new people, but it's harder to do new-new things, I guess? Flying internationally for the first time by myself was stressful, though I got through it without too much trouble.

Feeling kind of unsteady, unsettled about things. Too much uncertainty about the future. There's always going to be some amount of uncertainty and ambiguity about life, yeah, but at the moment I feel there's too much, and I wish things were more defined.

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Spotify suggested this to me. Getting pretty annoyed with hearing the same three ads on Spotify over and over again, but sometimes it does an alright job recommending new music to me.

"Who Loves the Sun" by The Velvet Underground.


I'm feeling really socially drained. I haven't had a solid chunk of alone time in awhile and the effects are noticeable. Sometimes when I'm feeling pretty social and enjoying the company of others, I forget that this can happen, and I wonder why I ever think I need to be alone, but... yeah. Still looking forward to seeing the guy I like soon though, before he... leaves... for months... At least we'll get some time together, I guess. Talking to him isn't draining, which is really nice.

My very first comment!
Aw, sorry about the initial flight situation. Your situation reminds me when I was in Taiwan with my cousins and the anxiety I experienced was completely uncalled for. Nothing about being with those people should have led to anxiety, but yet I was constantly taking deep yoga breathes to try to seem cool about it. So, yeah.. just saying I relate to some level.

Your crush does seem like the kind of guy who puts you at ease. :) It makes me happy seeing how happy he makes you.
» watermelon on 2017-07-20 03:05:04

Er...
I think my second sentence in the comment went on a completely different topic than the first sentence. I shouldn't have referred to the missed flight situation, that hasn't happened yet to me. *knocks on wood* Why aren't we allowed to edit our comments?! :b
» watermelon on 2017-07-20 03:18:25

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