I went to the gym for two hours yesterday... Probably could have stayed for a third class, but it was Terrible TV Thursday with Alex, and I didn't want to get over there too late. Also, I fell off the Bosu Ball in my first class and I think I might have injured my foot, because it hurt a lot when I fell off, and the pain mostly went away, but walking on it certain ways kinda hurts...

Terrible TV Thursday lived up to its name in more ways than I expected. We watched the season finale of The Magicians, which ended on an obscenely huge cliffhanger, but the next season isn't coming out until NEXT YEAR. WTF SYFY, WTF! I am passionately disgruntled about it. I guess Rick and Morty did the same thing though, and I certainly got over that... -Sigh-

I've been reading articles from Paging Dr. Nerdlove tonight. I had a post about Nice Guys bookmarked for years because I liked it a lot, but hadn't really read anything else on the site until now. The guy talks a lot about self-improvement as a means to reaching your goals, which I guess is cool, if... I dunno, a bit hokey at times. I sort of hate the term "self-improvement" even though it's probably in like, my top five values. It just has this lingering stench of hippie dippy fluffy meaningless bullshit about it. Self-improvement as a means to an end just doesn't really... appeal to me, I suppose. I want to be a better person... to be a better person. Not so I'll be happier or more successful or whatever.

That little side rant wasn't why I mentioned this site, though. In one of the posts, the author talked about how certain people have this belief that they shouldn't have to change...

They make a virtue of not changing because they see standing steadfast to their beliefs and identity as being something noble and good� even when it�s those beliefs, attitudes and identity that�s been holding them back.

This quote reminded me of at least one of my exes. I know we get a lot of messages in popular culture, like "be proud of who you are," "don't let anybody tell you who to be," "accept yourself for who you are" etc., but sometimes there really are things you should legitimately change about yourself, instead of scrambling about in a panic, trying to defend yourself against criticism by saying other people just don't accept you and you're fine the way you are. Or, worse, guilt tripping those who might have criticisms by acting like they're being intolerant and uncaring.

---

In the IRC channel I sometimes go to, there's this overly "supportive" attitude where it's... sort of frowned upon to be frank about not liking certain characteristics or people. Too much head-bobbing and pacifying cooing. Oh, you're sad? Ah, well clearly the world has wronged you. How terrible other people are, to have treated you in such a way that it forced you to be sad! Yes, there was certainly no responsibility on your part to do anything differently. It's so disabling... disempowering...

On the other hand, sometimes things legitimately aren't a person's fault, and things really did happen to them, and they couldn't have done much at all differently. I also recognize that if someone is feeling bad, it's not necessarily a good time to shove in their face that they have agency and can affect how they react to things. Immediately interrogating the person about what their part was in something without regard for their feelings is a pretty standard Dick Move.

I guess I just wish there was a little wiggle room in more of the contexts I find myself in.

Situations I don't like:
A: I'm sad.
B: Why?
A: I failed my test.
B: omg no u poor bby, cry ur precious bby tears on my shoulder, shhh, shh, it's ok, it's ok. omg ur teacher is a demon, they def have it out for u.
C: Did you study that much?
B: GO AWAY YOU HEARTLESS CRETIN, BBY IS SAD.

D: I'm sad.
E: Why?
D: Someone punched me in the face and I don't know why.
E: Maybe you made them angry. Probably shouldn't have done that. Also, you should have ducked.

Obviously both of these are somewhat exaggerated, but... I feel like the general idea is conveyed.

Better situation:
F: I'm sad.
G: Why?
F: -Gives details of situation-
G: -Tries to understand as best as possible before deciding whether F had some responsibility (within the bounds of what you can reasonably expect from a person)-
G: -Acknowledges F's feelings, sympathizes, but still gently points out responsibility if applicable-

I don't always manage to follow this formula 100% perfectly, but wow, some people are just absolute rubbish at it. I guess it's easier to be at the extreme ends than somewhere in the ambiguous grey zone of the middle, but man, there are just too many coddlers and dicks out there.

Wasn't really intending to rant so much in this post, oops.

Having people do that to you constantly is what makes it hard for you to go back to them when you want someone to listen. Being blamed for something, and then my feelings come as an afterthought, is exactly what I'm referencing in my most recent blog.
» LostSoul13 on 2016-04-23 05:06:16

Thanks, RJ.
» LostSoul13 on 2016-04-23 09:37:09

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