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Memores acti prudentes futuri


You're unsure if I am a loose end or a strand
that waits for you to mend or understand
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
TICoSME
Musicalities!
Online Radio
Soma.fm

More Fun Shtuff
Newgrounds Audio Portal
Pandora
SoundClick
Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics

Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Aquapunk
Axe Cop
Basic Instructions
Bear Nuts
Beeserker

Blue Milk Special
Bug
Buttersafe
ChannelATE
Cigarro & Cerveja
Crunchy Bunches

Curia Regis
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Diesel Sweeties
DUBBLEBABY
Eat That Toast!
E-merl.com
The End
Evil Diva
Evil Inc.
Existential Comics
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Forming (Explicit)

Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
Mirror
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
L.A.W.L.S.
The League of Evil Genius

Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
Meaty Yogurt
Medium Large
The Meek
Metacarpolis
Monsterhood
Monsterkind
The Moon Prince
Moth (Some nudity)
Mr. Lovenstein
Muddlers Beat

Natalie Dee
Nedroid
The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
Optipess
Out There
Owen's Uncles
Phuzzy Comics
Political Cartoonists Index
Poorly Drawn Lines
Powernap
The Property of Hate
Red Meat
Rice Boy
Robbie and Bobby
Rosscott, Inc.
Safely Endangered
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Savage Chickens
Scary Go Round
Scenes from a Multiverse
The Secret Knots
Serenity Rose
Stand Still. Stay Silent
Stinking Hellebore
Strong Female Protagonist
Subnormality
Tales of Pylea
Three Word Phrase (some nudity)
Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy

Wilde Life
Witchy
xkcd
Yellow Peril (PG-13)

Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
The Abominable Charles Christopher
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
The Adventures of Ellie Connelly
American Hell
Bag of Toast
Bear in Mind
Bobwhite
The Book of Biff
Brat-halla
Brightest
Broodhollow
Bullfinch
Camp Weedonwantcha
Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Chainsawsuit
Conspiracy Friends!
Daisy is Dead
Distillum
Dream Life
Dumm Comics
Ectopiary (Some nudity)
Edemia
Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED
Floodmud
Freaks!

Green Wake
Gun Show
Hark! A Vagrant
Head Doctor Productions
Hello with Cheese
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Inscribing Ardi
Intragalactic
The Intrepid Girlbot
JBabb Comics
Kyle & Atticus
Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space
Letters to a Wild Boar
Lovecraft is Missing

Manta-man
Meat and Plastic
Minimalism Sucks
Mis-
Moe
Moon Town
The Nerds of Paradise
Nimona
No Reason Comics
Odd-Fish
One Swoop Fell
Patches
Pictures for Sad Children
Raymondo Person
A Redtail's Dream
Riotfish
Roy's Boys (PG 13?)
Run Freak Run
Saint's Way
Shortpacked!
Sin Titulo
Snowflakes
Split Lip
Spooky Doofus
SubCulture
Super Buzzkill
The Super Fogeys
The Super Gay Adventures of Ross Boston
Thermohalia
Troubletown
Mirror
Ugly Girl
YU + ME
2815 Monument

Pure Flash Awesomeness
Aardvardkbutter.com
Angry Alien
Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
The Frown
Hoogerbrugge

Other
Bogleech
Clients from Hell
Brian Despain
Creatures in My Head
Damn You Auto Correct!
Jhonen Vasquez's site
Overheard in New York
Passive Aggressive Notes
Submarinechannel.com
Superdickery
UHpinions
Whirled
Gym/good things/other... things
Friday, February 26, 2016
Gym time today: 2 hours.
Total this week: 14 hours.

Bootcamp, then an hour (close to an hour and a half, but I'm rounding down) of random other stuff. I took it easy today because Bootcamp is usually tiring, so I just walked on the treadmill at 3mph at a level 9/10 incline for half an hour, then did Stairmaster for half an hour. Also did some upper body stuff on the weight machines, because... I dunno, they were there. In high school I could bench 75 lbs, but I can't do anywhere near that now, and I feel like I could probably build back up to that if I tried. There's no bench press at my gym, though, just a chest press machine, which I guess is basically the same thing anyway...

Good things today:
-Only had two babies at work this morning, so it was a super easy and relaxed few hours. That was super nice, because I was really really tired from last night, haha. I only got about four hours of sleep and my perception of time was really distorted. The two babies we had were also ones that are pretty happy just doing their own thing, so didn't have to deal with crying for the most part.
-I went grocery shopping with my dad and he bought me a chocolate bar from Trader Joe's. :D It's this new Fireworks one that has chili and Pop Rocks type stuff in it. Normally my dad doesn't want to get any "frivolous" stuff when we go grocery shopping, so that was cool.
-SL sent me a short message saying he just wanted to check in and see how I did on my interview! It'd been awhile since his last reply, so I was surprised (but happy) to get that it.
-I woke up lookin' cute today, despite only getting a few hours of sleep. Not that there was anybody around to appreciate it, but oh well. I was pleased.

Tomorrow I get to hang out with my friends! Looking forward to that. I'm going to try to remember to talk to them about going to Maker Faire in a few months.

---

I had a dream that I ran into the ex before my last one and asked him how he was doing. He said he had adopted two kids since we broke up. I was somewhat surprised, and said it was funny how things turned out, but that I hoped he was doing well and was happier with his life.

Alex said it was amazing that I've been able to forgive that ex for everything that happened between us, and that I genuinely hope he's just doing alright and can find happiness. I'm not sure if I personally consider it amazing. I want to be able to forgive anybody, ideally. Have had some trouble with forgiving one person in the past few months, because I felt like they made almost no visible efforts (and yet complain I don't acknowledge their efforts-- but how can I acknowledge something they aren't showing me?) to make up for what they did, and they've treated me pretty poorly overall. No respect, no trying to figure out to make amends, no real work put into being better in the future. Just weak, empty wishes to be better with no substance behind them.

But maybe that's all you can get from a person like that. Someone who won't make promises because it's too much of a commitment, or too hard, or they'll just forget. I'm done believing them when they say they want to be better, because the reality is that they don't stick to that at all. I'm tired of being disappointed and hurt by what end up feeling like lies. It just seems like this person has lied to me over and over again and only told the truth when it would hurt me. I know they've read my blog in the past-- I doubt they're bothering now-- but I feel that they could read all this and either not feel particularly bad or just uselessly apologize without supporting the apology with any forward-moving action.

And I need to give up on ever hoping this person will change, or make up for all the wrong. They're not going to do that. They are going to run away because problems are scary, or they're going to withdraw and avoid it (which is essentially the same thing). A shell of apathy around a core of cowardice. And they justify this cowardice by claiming to seek some kind of... I don't even know... inner peace? Tranquility? I have nothing against these concepts per se, but I find them despicable when they come at the cost of showing true compassion and care for others. I don't find anything redeemable about goals that are entirely self-serving in that way, regardless of what they are.

Typing all that up made me feel kind of irritated, but this came on in iTunes and had a soothing effect. I'll count that as a good thing for the day.

"Tristram" by Matt Uelman.


This song always reminds me of being a kid and watching my dad play Diablo. It's comforting and familiar and right now it's wrapping me up and gently trimming away those unproductive angry thoughts.
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