The Vanilla Pepsi Scandal
It all happened one somber night when I was sitting back, relaxing with a fresh glass of effervescent Vanilla Pepsi. As my parched lips met the cool, jaded glass, and the refreshing elixer of life slithered along the slippery surface of my chalice, I couldn't help but inhale an odious odor.
That's right,
Vanilla Pepsi smells like vomit. I'm not even kidding, go take a whiff yourself. That shit is disgusting. It tastes fine, but damn. I thought that Doritos smelling like dirty feet was the worst. Boy, was I wrong. It appears Pepsi posesses a penchant for putting pungent pieces of purged particles in pop.
I decided to take a look at the ingredients to see what could be causing this repulsive reeking.
+ Carbonated water: Eh, never caused any problems before.
+ High Fructose Corn Syrup: I'll leave this scandal for another day.
+ (Possibly) Sugar: What the fuck do they mean by "and/or"? Don't they keep track of what they put in this shit?
+ Caramel Color: I didn't know you could actually just take the color off of something and put it in soda. I wonder what color the caramel is now..
+ Natural and Artificial Flavor: Ah hah! Wait, what? Everything is natural. Matter can neither be created nor destroyed, so it's not like scientists can just go "Poof! Here's a chemical." No, everything we've ever made has been found on Earth. Anyway, they seem to be pretty reluctant to share exactly what flavor has been added.
+ Phosphoric Acid: Neither the kind of acid that will instantly burn holes through your organs nor the kind that will take you to lands you've never fathomed, Phosphoric Acid is the poor man's acid. "Phosphoric acid is prepared commercially by heating calcium phosphate rock with sulfuric acid." Sulfer. Now we're getting somewhere with the stench. It's also used in fertilizers and detergents. Yum.
+ Potassium Benzoate: Oh, thanks for telling us it preserves the freshness. That's suspicious; you didn't seem to tell us about what any of the other things did. Sounds like you're trying to hide something, ol' Pepsi. "Approved for use in the U.S., Canada, and the E.U." Can someone smell an international conspiracy brewing? Nope, just vomit.
+ Potassium Citrate: "May cause mild irritation to the respiratory tract." I thought my respiratory tract felt a little tingly.
+ Citric Acid: Holy shit, I think we found a winner. "Citric acid is used in soft drinks and in laxatives and cathartics (Agents for purging the bowels)." Mmm, the fresh scent of stool!
I needn't go on.
Oh, for more information, visit our website, eh? Fine then, I'll play your game.
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Pepsi Ingredient Info<--
Look carefully.
hahah That's some interesting stuff.. citric acid is in a lot of stuff.. basically all kinds of junk food. Ha.. it makes me think.
» Cher_lyn on 2005-03-13 01:11:18
No, my friend, High Fructose Corn Syrup is what's to worry about. It's in EVERYTHING.
» le_battement on 2005-03-13 07:45:23
weird ass mofo eww, who drinks vanilla pepsi?
and also who the heck have tried those 'feet doritos'?
i can just look at them and figure out that, that shit is nothing but VOMIT!
oh yeah, the ingredient list is pretty fucked up, you see that is why i don't drink no carbonated shit!
» Hetvi (141.151.62.182) on 2005-03-13 07:48:26
You're a tool.
» le_battement on 2005-03-13 07:50:45
she's not a tool; you're the tool wow...you have uncovered yet another conspiracy!! Actually the real problem that should be solved is...why the fuck are you drinking shitty vanilla pepsi??!! Yeah, and also you should stop eating doritos, because of the keyboard situation that peturbs and disturbs my mind everytime i look at a bag. Thanks for that asshole!! haha:-)
» Minna (68.40.58.42) on 2005-03-13 08:09:52
I drink it because I like the taste of vanilla. However, vomit is another story.
» le_battement on 2005-03-13 08:11:56
hmm... I don't ever remember Vanilla Pepsi smelling that bad.
Then again, it's been a while...
Vanilla soft drink flavoring is what makes the world of convenience stores go 'round.
I like to fill my 32oz. QuikTrip cup about 2/3 with vanilla, and the rest with DrPepper. yum.
» invisible on 2005-03-14 02:10:28
hey thanks for the sites syd
» eXiled on 2005-03-14 07:06:09
No problem, eX.
Okay, to properly smell the vomit, it needs to be a freshly opened bottle, like the first glass out of the bottle. Then, you need to drink about half out of your glass, so you have the scent hammered into your cavities. Then just put the soda underneath your nose while you're drinking, and take a big long whiff. Vomit. It's subtle, but it's vomit.
» le_battement on 2005-03-14 09:47:55
Hey, you. Thanks for the comment. omagah, thanks also for checking out my pix. lol, cute . . nawww . . hahaha, thank you =)) » Sha_Sha on 2005-03-15 07:28:55
=] tnx for the congrats
» JeN_eLLo on 2005-03-16 07:49:56
Nasty dastardly acts You see my friend, you've been going at this the wrong way. The pukey smell of Vanilla Pepsi may not be due to the different chemical combinations concocted by the labcoats at House of Pepsi, but rather to the presence of actual vomit itself. Yes. Organic vomit. It's reasonable to believe that vanilla pepsi is collectively stored in a huge vat before being bottled. Therefore, it would be a simple matter for a Pepsi employee to regularly stick a finger down his throat over the vat. Depending on the size of the vat, the vomit would be diluted by its fellow vat-mate, and this would thus explain the subtle, but definite smell of vomit in Vanilla Pepsi. But the question remains, why? Ahh...simply because the Pepsi employee above is secretly a spy sent from the Coke HQ on a mission to keep Vanilla Coke one up over their rival vanilla-flavoured refreshment in the consumers' ratings.
» theZEBRA on 2005-03-16 08:44:34
Doritos Regarding the smell of Doritos...the powdery stuff on the surface of the chips isn't artificial flavouring/seasoning as the folks at Doritos would have you to believe. Oh no. That's all organic too. It's actually powdered toe cheese. Hence the smell.
» theZEBRA on 2005-03-16 08:48:40
ewww, theZEBRA that just made me feel all gross.. and... not want to eat my apple.
*shiver*
» invisible on 2005-03-19 07:34:03
theZEBRA: Making apples inedible since 3/16/05.
» le_battement on 2005-03-20 10:15:20
ugh....i can't stand doritos....now i know why..
"It appears Pepsi posesses a penchant for putting pungent pieces of purged particles in pop."
How many "p" words can you use in one sentence?!
» Ajibalaji89 on 2005-03-20 03:33:08
Many, as you can see. My skills are incredible.
» le_battement on 2005-03-22 05:33:58
Hello...do you have aim or aol...?
» The_Oogey_Boogey_Man on 2005-03-22 03:11:33
Yes, my screen name is grahfzeppelin.
» le_battement on 2005-03-22 06:29:19
G-Mail Invite
would you like a G-Mail invite? if so, email me at [email protected]
» XxSirLancelotxX on 2005-03-23 09:32:07
Nope, but..
Would you like a G-Mail invite? If so, e-mail me at [email protected].
» le_battement on 2005-03-24 04:51:10
Aw great tusks of Mother Alaishka!
If you lads are gonna start giving them out for free, i can't sell mine for exorbitant prices anymore!!! Have some consideration! Some people are trying to make a living you know.
» theZEBRA on 2005-03-25 10:16:24
I doubt the supply is less than the demand at this point. People with Gmail accounts were given 50 invites to send to whomever they wish. I was, anyway.
» le_battement on 2005-03-25 05:05:48
Goddammit
i thought i was special...sobbeth
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