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le_battement
Age. 37
Gender. Male
Ethnicity. White stuff
Location Sunnyside, NY
School. Rutgers Univ
» More info.
Picture Book
Thursday, Evening
I know you're not going to believe this, but I'll tell the story under the assumption that you're mentally retarded and will believe anything.

So yesterday, I was mindng my own business walking down Edinburgh Boulevard, when suddenly, this guy came up to me. He asked me, "Mister, would you happen to be carrying the Scarab of the Seven Wisdoms?" I immediately retorted with, "Who sent you?!" I could hear the snake coming out of his nose hiss. His eyes lit up like two or three exploding peanut carcasses. Suddenly, he vanished into the sands of time, and his essence crept through the sidewalk like a lemur searching for his car keys.

Just then, a real lemur came up to me. She was short, stout, had pink skin, pointed ears, a big snout, and a squiggly tail. Before I could say a word, she swept me off my feet with this catchy phrase: "You're standing on my java." I peered down below me, and to my surprise, a crate of java was submerged into the dewy sidewalk like the ship of that pirate you can tell had a few too many. Then it happened. Rays of light as brilliant as Einstein's fingernail protruded from the cracks. It was judgement day.

So, I walked away from the crate and forgot about the whole incident. Yet, I felt something funny in the way I was walking. I took a glance down at my legs to realize some hobo cat was getting a free ride clinging onto my shoe. I politely stated, "Excuse me, but the fee to ride is $2 and a pack of licorice." The cat stared daggers at me. I knew that look oh so well, but couldn't determine where from. I thought I recognized his face, but the cat from my past had a smaller nose and didn't wear glasses.

At that point, a weeping man stumbled in my path. He was tossing three small balls about the air in a hypnotizing pattern. I suppose something brought up depressing memories at the sight of juggling. However, I was concerned about the black spades above his eyes. If one were to slip, it'd sever his cornea without a hitch. And by the nose of Gafaldi, if his skin weren't pale like the elbow of a Portuguese mongoose! Suddenly, a Portuguese sandwich was expunged from his nostrils at the speed of smell.

Everyone stood in awe of this rare occurence, while I proceeded to consume the tasty treat. Then, the foulest knave arose from a crest of the Sea of Monte Appendix. He was sitting there staring at my delicious sandwich, so I knocked him one right in the teeth. He replied, "Dost thou desire a voyage to the very depths of the River Styx?" As he stood there, showing off his little guns, I lifted my .226 caliber AR-15 semi-automatic gas-powered carbine rifle and said, "Mister, we can do this my way, or the gun's way."

To Be Continued
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66 Comments.


let me tell you, the weeping man was weeping for a damn good reason. he is my cousin, after all. but i won't tell you, because i don't feel it is my place to tell you.
» jamie on 2004-07-15 08:16:58


That was fun to read...
» orli_my_love (198.81.26.105) on 2004-07-15 08:39:37


yes very fun to read...
» 2%milk on 2004-07-15 08:45:42

loving the pictures!
there was one time this penguin looking this came up to me, i swear it really was a penguin thing, and it told me "The world is coming to an end! all the glaciers in the world are melting and the world will drown!" so naturally i shook him by the wings and told him "dude! it's below 0! get a hold of yourself!" and he waddled off, muttering to himself...
» dis1girl on 2004-07-15 10:11:08

that made my day!!!
but now it's night... aww the weeping man reminds me of a weeping willow...but he can't be a tree because he's jamie's cousin...unless....unless she's part tree!!!!
» Ajibalaji89 on 2004-07-16 01:10:36

it's official!
youre the coolest person ever and thats the best story ive read all day! i hope this shall be continued today.
» ladyeyeliner on 2004-07-16 09:01:25


No, it'll probably be continued in about 5 months.
» abel on 2004-07-16 09:08:14


i like the new look
» seewun on 2004-07-16 12:37:52


me too. lots of people going with the orange and blue. it works.
» 2%milk on 2004-07-16 03:53:02


Well this design is based off of Dave's classic design of icemelon.com. Since he closed it down "for now" I felt the need to commemorate the awesome graphics of the site.
» le_battement on 2004-07-16 04:35:39

wow.
nice layout. i can never make sumthin like this. well ermm.. maybe i can.. juss need photoshop. lol =] anyways.. great job! and that was interresting.. haha
» anonymous on 2004-07-16 06:33:19

wow
I like the new look, and the story was great, nice site man
» Morpheus on 2004-07-16 08:41:59

Wow,
People.. suddenly.. appreciating.. my work? Whoa.
» le_battement on 2004-07-16 08:57:37


like the layout!!!!!!! i forgot to comment though "Have a slice of this melon of ice" and my cravings for water melon.......thank you for the cravings XD
» Ajibalaji89 on 2004-07-16 11:24:04


it's very happy
» jamie on 2004-07-17 01:58:13

i gotta say
you're an original. can't wait for part 2. and i posted a comment in response to yours on my entry from yesterday. thanks for the curiosity. and though people from new jersey are somehow more conscious drivers, they are all a little crazy. i mean, what do they really have against turn lanes?
» joanieloveschachi on 2004-07-17 03:04:40

Wow
Im speechless, no juss kidding it's was happy & very funn to read =]. The first pic scurred mee!! haha. Loves it. =] Much ♥, Sha~Sha
» Sha_Sha on 2004-07-17 04:42:21


The fourth picture scared me the most. I think I had a nightmare about it. It's just creepy.
» le_battement on 2004-07-17 05:53:39

Blah.
Well it is truely obvious that you are the man cause it seems everyone here loves you. As for your story... what are you doin with your life. And you call me weird. And about your feet.... thats just scary.
» RedKryptonite (68.39.90.176) on 2004-07-17 06:10:31


you mean because he's my cousin??? psh.
» jamie on 2004-07-17 08:27:20


cirque du soleil music is absolutely brilliant.
» roshan (68.40.58.114) on 2004-07-18 12:27:39


Whoa there that was pretty close - the river of styx and all...and jeez that guy really better watch out for the spades above his eyes! Did you warn him?!
I'm diggin' the layout. I'm trying to similar skills in my spare time. Needless to say - it is a slow proccess
» AshleyEverhart on 2004-07-18 05:02:10


gain similar skills*
» AshleyEverhart on 2004-07-18 05:03:39

Man, I wish I could write like you.
Well, I probably could if I got enough inspiration of the right sort, but I obviously don't have it. Kudos, I'll be waiting for the next part of this.
» desertsnowstorm on 2004-07-18 01:15:33


your avatar is different!!!
» Ajibalaji89 on 2004-07-18 05:17:23


I know!!!
» le_battement on 2004-07-18 08:11:07


yayyyyy captain obvious! =)
» jamie on 2004-07-19 12:20:08


Captain Obvious saves the day, once again.
» le_battement on 2004-07-19 09:34:57

you are soooooo screwed....
for that site you sent me.
» roshan (68.40.58.114) on 2004-07-20 12:09:47

mmm, licorice
yes, the clown has a bit of that weird innocent-creepyness.. like some dolls. because of the twisted media, I've never liked clowns much because of the demented ways they've been portrayed in movies, etc.

but I love the old fashionedcrying ones. for some reason, I like the concept of tears in the midst of laughter.. [o.O?]

i'm back.
and rockin' layout. I like the clear-cutness and the colors and! and!.. it and you are just awesome.
» invisible on 2004-07-22 03:06:55

...lucy in the sky with diamonds...
hhmmuuhh...I see you're back at ...good for us !!!!
» rockie on 2004-07-24 04:53:34

a future business
Hello, this is a promotional comment. I'm advertising for the future's biggest business catch: that's right, pubic hair extensions. I understand you weren't completely comfortable with the idea earlier, but I'm opening up the option once again. If you think about the possibilities, you'll see what i mean. If you're interested at all, make sure to join the group I've created. Thank you for your time!
» roshan, from Pubic Hair Extensions Inc. (68.40.58.114) on 2004-07-24 11:50:23


do you braid?
» jamie on 2004-07-25 06:51:14

You and your priest have some trouble comin' your way

» JINX!!! on 2004-07-29 12:19:55

You and your priest have some trouble comin' your way

» JINX!!! on 2004-07-29 12:20:22


oops why isnt it working? well nevermind... you get the point
» JINX!!! on 2004-07-29 12:22:53


[IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v91/virus1231/grim.gif[/IMG]
» JINX!!! on 2004-07-29 12:24:57


oh forget it
» JINX!!! on 2004-07-29 12:25:07

simon says
it's time for a new post, mister sir
» jamie on 2004-08-02 02:49:10


well... continue already!

okay, I'm done.
I miss my scroll mouse
» invisible on 2004-08-03 12:39:48


Part II. I need a Part II. Please. I'm suffering from anxious-waiting-on-part-II attacks. And they are starting to get worse.
» ladyeyeliner on 2004-08-04 04:50:31

he'll wait until you're dead.
=P
» jamie on 2004-08-04 06:23:48

Lemur...
Are you sure that was a lemur and not a pig? lol
» PhrygianX on 2004-08-04 11:38:15

uh whoa
u have a lot of comments i might say... popular you are. just adding to the numbers... didn't really read it. HI
» PlatinumPistol on 2004-08-06 10:19:17


yah, neither did i.
» jamie on 2004-08-08 02:04:06


>=
» le_battement on 2004-08-08 05:16:21


>=/ ***
» le_battement on 2004-08-08 05:16:33


<3
» jamie on 2004-08-09 02:01:46

lol
I don't think anyone bothers to read the crap Syd pulls out of his ass. But he's gets alot of comments nevertheless =P
» eXiled on 2004-08-09 09:24:13


laaaalaaaaalaaaaa. once again. i am really bored. and full of sugar. :)
» cherrylicious on 2004-08-10 12:43:01

weird
git-r-done
» Minooka on 2004-08-10 02:44:35


git-r-done? hmmm =DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
He has 15 mouths....that's a lot of feeding

» Ajibalaji89 on 2004-08-10 03:32:01


No, it's only a lot of feeding it it has 15 stomachs.
» le_battement on 2004-08-10 04:43:04


damn it man! Tell us what happens!
» JINX!!! on 2004-08-11 02:16:08


i agree with jinx.
» ladyeyeliner on 2004-08-11 04:02:38


I agree as well.
» le_battement on 2004-08-11 04:06:37

then update pleeeeeaaaaassssseeee.

» ladyeyeliner on 2004-08-12 09:23:52


yeah. pifffff.
» jamie on 2004-08-12 11:15:55


by the way, the sex was GREAT last night!
» jamie on 2004-08-12 11:16:29


You're welcome.
» le_battement on 2004-08-12 11:47:24

Nice design
Wow, and I thought your Jet layout looked cool. Where do you get all these ideas for your layout? I mean whenever I try to redesign my nutang, I can never find out a perfect color scheme or good banner. Wow, you do have some great stuff. I especially like how you can have the whole body of your page in a table. how do you do that?
» Chenman278 on 2004-08-12 08:27:49

Nice design
Wow, and I thought your Jet layout looked cool. Where do you get all these ideas for your layout? I mean whenever I try to redesign my nutang, I can never find out a perfect color scheme or good banner. Wow, you do have some great stuff. I especially like how you can have the whole body of your page in a table. how do you do that?
» Chenman278 on 2004-08-12 08:30:01


its all in good fun. right le_b?
» JINX!!! on 2004-08-12 09:17:05

sigh,
oh brother, where art thou?
» jamie on 2004-08-13 11:13:53

le sigh
he's probably le tired
» Ajibalaji89 on 2004-08-13 08:53:36


nicely done, but things are alittle to cramped together if you ask me, but regardless, nicely done.
» JINX!!! on 2004-08-15 04:18:34

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