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le_battement
Age. 37
Gender. Male
Ethnicity. White stuff
Location Sunnyside, NY
School. Rutgers Univ
» More info.
How to Become a Pirate in Four Easy Steps
Tuesday, Afternoon
Have you ever wanted to be a man of the sea? Have you ever wanted to plunder and pillage seafaring vessels? Have you ever wanted to be known not by your name, but instead by the color of your beard?

Screw that, that's gay. That stuff may have been cool back in the early to mid 1800s in the Mediterranean Sea, but being pirate nowadays takes on a whole new definition. Pirates today are cooler and more serious. We don't wear tights and sing jolly seaman tunes, we don't like filthy parrots, we don't hobble about with a peg leg, and most of us have two working eyes.

Sounds awesome, huh? You might be asking yourself right about now, "Well, how the hell can I be a pirate?" It's simple. Below I'll list the easy steps to becoming a pirate. Now, this may sound ridiculous, but I assure you that this HAS indeed been done.



How to Become a Pirate

1. Declare war on Great Britain
Yes, you read that right. Write a letter to the British Parliament [you can find the address on your own], saying that you are declaring war on them. For example, someone I know is named Scott. He declared war on Britain because he didn't think Scotland should be under British rule.

2. Receive your Priority Mail Shipment from Britain
It might take some time, but eventually you will receive a response. Basically, Parliament writes that you have no authority to declare war since you, as an individual, are not a negotiable country. Therefore, you will be labeled as a pirate, and your letter will be documented.

3. Showcase your Piratehood
What's the point of being a pirate if nobody knows about it? I suggest you frame the response from Great Britain, as it is a proof of your Piratehood. Then, go around and tell everyone you can. You will be instantly admired and respected.

4. Never step foot in Britain again
Unfortunately, you will never be able to go to Britain. They have no authority to come to your house and detain you, but if you were to step foot in England with your passport, you would be arrested and sentenced. I would play it safe; You don't want the Crown tracking you. They're quite the bitch, trust me.



So, I hope you find this experience as enthralling as us pirates have. If you decide to become a pirate, then we wish you the best of luck in your endeavors. Have a nice day.
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Recommended by 1 Member
ikimashokie
22 Comments.

hehe...
lucky for me i'm a pyrate instead..
» nonexistent on 2004-03-02 04:24:58


what the hell is a pyrate, ye blubberin' fool?
» le_battement on 2004-03-02 04:35:18

it is...
a pirate/pyro...and stuff...yeah...arg!
» nonexistent on 2004-03-02 04:36:50


ah i see, ye actually opted to use the real latin roots to make a new word, not just switchin' ye letters 'round te be trendy.
» le_battement on 2004-03-02 04:40:39

it is...
a pirate/pyro...and stuff...yeah...arg!
» nonexistent on 2004-03-02 04:41:40

sorry didn't
mean to do that...
» nonexistent on 2004-03-02 04:42:27


ye already be piratin' my page! arghhhhh!
» le_battement on 2004-03-02 04:43:12


I'll be the first to start a pirate gear shop, complete with peglegs and hook hands.
» yourname on 2004-03-02 05:08:04


why would i comment at your site if i dont know you and ive never been here before???
» Noodle on 2004-03-02 05:09:02


for the same reason i commented on your site: nutang is a weblog community.
» le_battement on 2004-03-02 05:45:06

HOORAY
I WANNA BE A PIRATE...i will complete these steps by tomorrow afternoon. i'll be the best pirate of them all!!! and there's nothin' you land-lovers can do about it. arrrrrrr.
» frodos*lover (67.168.22.99) on 2004-03-02 06:27:58

That's awesome
And so are pirates. And so will I in a matter of a few weeks...
» son.of.a.gun on 2004-03-02 08:32:39

Hmm... I think I'll do that,
I'll just use my friend's name and address, she needs a pick-me-up, plus it's going to be her birthday soon and she loves to hate Britain. Thanks!
» desertsnowstorm on 2004-03-02 09:24:21

PIRATES!
ARE AWESOME!
Oh yeah..

Why Britain? Why not someplace like.. snobby France? or Spain? Italy? Hungary?
*gasp* Or even The United States of America?!

Then again, we don't have royalty, and such.
Oh well.

I wanna go boating. Feel the ocean breeze!
shrimp is good.
» invisible on 2004-03-02 10:28:17

brilliant.
because a war with Great Britain just sounds cooler than a war with France. or Spain. Or Italy. Or Hungary. Especially the U.S. ;-)
» MorosePhoenix on 2004-03-02 10:34:20


because not everyone can read french, hungarian, italian, or spanish. most people in america can read english. there's my reasoning.
» le_battement on 2004-03-03 07:44:18


that could work too...
» MorosePhoenix on 2004-03-03 01:21:11


my other reasoning is.. i dont' know if those other countries would call you a pirate. england does. case closed.
» le_battement on 2004-03-03 03:49:59

thought so
..after I clicked "Add comment."
» invisible on 2004-03-04 07:02:07

now heres somethin for ya.
http://www.arrrrrr.com/
» ikimashokie on 2004-03-05 06:32:57

Blimey!
Begad!
» monkeymeister on 2004-03-27 12:37:32

ARRRRRRRRR

» le_battement on 2004-05-06 09:33:35

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