life is really weird right now.
I'm stuck between doing the "right thing" and making decisions that may lead to consequences.

let's face it, I am not as good as I once was. I am not as great as I used to be.
I desire things I used to think were stupid, and I yearn for material things that cannot fulfill my life. I know it's stupid, and rebellious, and really not going to do anything positive for my future, my relationships, or my future plans. And yet, I sit here, choosing them. Wanting them.

But deep down, I know I want more than this. I want love, I want abundance, I want joy, I want peace. I yearn for these things, and yet to get there I must give up my own desires for the wrong things in order to gain the good things. I can't find the courage to do it. I find utter apathy in myself, such complacency in wanting who I used to be.

I'm telling myself that I just get one more time. I have one more time, and that's it. I'm dumping it all down the drain. Kind of like a last hoo-rah, before I actually go back to abundance. But if I have such apathy, how will I truly give it up? I don't trust myself. I mean, I do, but I don't. Will I give it up? Will I let it go? I hope so.

I'm playing the fence, and quite frankly, that doesn't exist...

heh heh. That makes me think of this Jack Handey quote, "It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And
I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there,
rocking back and forth, wanting that money."

But seriously, maybe you can give something up for Lent?
» Zanzibar on 2012-02-11 03:47:18

what if ... u just change ur priorities for the moment? who doesn't want love? but u will never find love when u r desperate or in the seat where u have to choose.

i don't think god is so unkind to us to let us live alone in this life. why not ... work on ourselves first ... improve on ourselves. u never know what changes can it do to ur love life too.
» renaye on 2012-02-13 06:33:50

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