So how lame were the lame Teen Choice Awards? Pretty lame. I can't believe that, as a teen, I used to vote on this show. I stopped after a couple of years when I realized no one I picked won, and that it's just a huge popularity contest (duh, Lily, why didn't you figure that out sooner???).

This year was the first time I'd seen it in a while. Everything is still the same. Basically, the celebrities that are there will win. Oh no, I figured out the secret! Seven years ago!

I wonder how much money the bikini-clad chicks were paid for sitting in what appeared to be tepid and stagnant hot-tub water -- at least, it only seemed to be tepid and stagnant for the first half of the show. That was lame, too.

The saddest part of the show wasn't Kevin Federline's debut performance, surprisingly (don't worry, it's second), but Brooke Hogan, who easily spent the longest time up on the podium because she was discussing and thanking everyone from her fans to her family (father) for winning best grill. The fact that she seemed genuinely sincere to win a surfboard for best superfluous braces and the fact that "best grill" even exists as a category is tragic to mankind. The fact that the cameraman and producers seemed to ignore Brooke's come-hither gestures for a closer look at her busted teeth gives me a little hope, however.

The only good parts I remember: Jensen Ackles and Jessica Alba. Wouldn't they make the prettiest babies, and have the best interchangeable monogrammed towels ever?
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Categories: television [t], celebrities [t]