so i just watched the King Arthur movie. i liked it. i mainly liked it because of the lengths a man will go to for the right reason. i love seein movies like that cuz it doesnt happen anymore. you see people in the movie fighting what seems like an unwinnable war just because their friend is staying to fight. thats so awesome. but then you go to work and people lie and act scandalous just to get out of a difficult job. or theres people sneaking around your room and you have to go buy a lock to keep everyone out. or your friends cant tell you they're dating. its amazing to see these stories of unaltering loyalty thru the most extreme situation and i have yet to have a full sense of loyalty from someone. obviously my immediate family is excluded from that because they actually love me and have genuine honesty. and not honesty like "oh id tell you if that dress doesnt look good" why cant i trust anyone? well i know why i shouldnt trust anyone and i know why i dont. but i mean why does EVERYONE have to lie and sneak around and shit. is everyone that insecure, afraid of responsibility, ashamed of themselves, or whatever other reason everyone lies? id like to think people uphold values that are unbreakable but i have yet to see a situation to back that up. you have a job, it is your responsibility, just do it and stop bitching. dont say "oh this person did this and that" and lie to get yourself out of doing your own job. what a bunch of pussies. you hit my car, tell me. dont act like you dont know what happened. grow some balls and take responsibilty. you're out doing drugs again but hide your cokehead friends from me and make up stories like 'someone stole my money (while i was at my moms house)' because you're so scared to face yourself. youre so scared of who you are and too lazy/stupid to change it. so you lie yourself into the disillusion that you are something that you're not. THEN when you finally believe that you start to judge others and tell everyone else how they should live their life because you actually lied to yourself and everyone else so much that you dont realize you're a cokehead/asshole/slut/etc. fuck that. be open with who you are. even if you dont like who you are. you cant change your problem if you act like you dont have it. everyone in AA acklowledges that they have a problem and stop lying to themseleves and everyone so they can change that problem. and i understand everyone has slumps. no ones perfect. and i give so much respect for those people like the recovering alcoholics because they stopped lying and stop fucking around and got their shit together. i love it. it starts to regain some hope in humanity. but unfortunately the situations ive seen is they stop drinking and start being a complete asshole all the time. or they are broke and live off everyone else, and they befriend people til their friends help their broke ass out. then that broke person gets a lucky break and they ... i dont know... start their own business as a result and then all of a sudden act like their hot shit. no motherfucker you are fooling no one. ive seen you drunk, ready to sleep in the street crying your eyes out and sat next to you the whole time. i gave you money when you needed it. i even gave you money to further help your business in addition to being free labor at times, only to get this in response: "brian youre such an idiot for not starting a business, everyone can, you're so dumb, oh wait, i wouldnt have a big part of it if it wasnt for the money you gave me THAT I STILL OWE YOU, .. um yeah ... you're dumb brian" yes, yes i am. dumb for trusting. fuckin chester proposes such a good question "do i trust some and get fooled by phoniness or do i trust nobody and live in lonliness" goddammit. why is everyone such a fucking asshole? why do people act like complete idiots then wonder forever why other people are mad? why do people take a situation they caused, and distort it when they talk to their friends to get sympathy. its only to make themselves feel better about being an asshole. so even tho they dont directly lie to themselves, they lie to others so the other people project ideas that it is not that persons fault as to what happened or that they did nothing wrong. stop being such a fucking idiot. you know what you did was absolutely ridiculous and uncalled for. and I know you twisted that shit around when you talked about it to everyone else to hear them say "oh brian and everyone else is taking it wrong ... blah blah" jesus christ are you that scared of admitting you cant function in society? or is that another character flaw that someone like you cant accept because you always have to be right. or even when you're wrong you're still somehow better than the one proving you wrong. then even when you admit that you project all this fucking retardation on everone you wonder why no one wants to hang with you. DING! heres an idea: stop being a fucking asshole, stop enforcing your opinion on other people, acknowledge the fact that you are wrong, quite often actually, and that people just go along with what you say most the time just so youll shut the fuck up. "uh well fuck him he has no reason to be upset" of course you with the rationality of decaying feces would think something like that. and as all other closed minded people you cannot even fathom the fact that you are wrong, which is the first sign of people who are wrong all the time. it goes back to you lying to yourself for so long that its just default that when you say/think/feel ANYTHING it is the automatic absolute truth, and anyone who disagrees with any of it is stupid. even when they have proof to back up their disagreement. but know, its so much easier, to lie/twist reality/distort the situation to your favor so that you're not wrong. and i guess you're so confident in your ability to do that that you automatically assume you're right, becuase no matter what you say youll be able to make yourself BELIEVE that youre right. ya know, i see alot of 8 year olds following that same behavior. way to go. but the funny thing is that most 8 year olds would put a fork in the plug socket once then realize: "wow, that hurt. i would be so stupid to do that again. im gonna go play nintendo instead" as opposed to doing the same dumb shit over and over and gettin hurt and expecting sympathy. fuck that. how dumb are you? dumb enough to say "oh hes not talking about me" and lying to yourself, distorting the truth, once again to escape the responisibilty of change your fuck ups. goddamn i hate people.

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