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    Flavor of Love: Shake It Like A Saltshaker!
    Tuesday. 9.5.06 11:14 am
    "We don’t want it if you let Bruce Bruce hit it." - Master P

    Ying-Yang-Twins-hannnnh.jpg

    In all honestly, you can extend that notion to Flavor Flav as well. I don’t want his sloppy seconds. This week on Flavor of Love 2 the contestants fixed up the backyard all nice-like for a collective of rappers and rap accessories that included G-Unit, Three 6 Mafia, DJ Quik, Ying Yang Twins, VH1-subsidized rap legend Warren G and The Archbishop Desmond Magic Toto.

    Splashin, flashin, slappin and clappin abound! Welcome to the BET UnCut audition room!

    As expected, these girls appear far more geeked for G-Unit and them than for “their man” Foofy. He must have been watching with those binoculars feeling dejected as shit. Shit with a pimp suit from the costume store, that is.

    My favorite part of the episode may have been Michael Clark Duncan’s announcements of the surprise guests. I’ve never seen that nigga so excited. Nigga looked like he just got the fill-in gig for Showtime at the Apollo. I mean, we got more emotion out of him this episode than his best titty grab or fried chicken scarf-down of either season. I wonder what’s in his iPod.

    Oh, and of course Nibblz/Tyson greets Bishop Don! “He ith the snathieth drether I’ve ever theen in my life!” Didn’t thee thay the thame thit about Flav in the firth epithode? I think thee did.

    Upon Warren G’s return, Like Dat proceeded to continue the salami and cheese hoagie-style cock rinse she started when she cleaned blood and boo-boo juice up off of the VH1-arranged party floor. She wasted no time in reminding him that if he wanted to fuck a fold or something, he was in there. No questions asked.

    Now Bootz know she wrong. The first broad to call the next woman a ho puts on her best P-Poppin routine for all the world to see. Niggas saw beef curtain, mooseknuckle, pumps and a bump and whatever other clever, disgusting noun you could come up with to describe the once-sacred female genitalia and hindparts now readily on display if you’ve ever been part of a hit recording.

    To make it even better for me, she reeeeally told Kane that she wouldn’t be in their video (again) because she didn’t wanna ruin her chances with Flavor Flav. Damn, I don’t know how to take that. That’s some serious spit, dun dun! That’s like choosing eating a shit sandwich over drinking a liter of piss. I bet once she’s kicked off she’ll find the Ying Yangs’ MySpace page or somethin.

    Like Dat gave all these niggas a Sea World show! Bunky the Sea Lion really thought it would be cool to splash half the water onto the lawn. Banks clowned her lovely. “Now do a front-semi!” Cold-blooded. I love it! He knew exactly where he was. 2 quarters in Like Dat’s ass. She played herself. Big Girls of America are about to revoke her membership. She is going to get a stern talking-to from Chairperson Mo’nique.

    All these niggas missed was the Toastee snail trail. R.I.P.

    Yes, Nibblz showed the tittays! She did so after Bishop Don Magic Juan (who smells exquisite, mind you) told her she can’t be nicknamed “Nipplz” and not show why. Yep, this is the kind of girl The Don would have blistering her feet on the strip in about 14 seconds flat. “Girl, I smell it. Let me inhale it!”

    Seriously, this party is like some kind of hoodrat’s dream come true. It’s like Super Mario Bros. 2 or some shit.

    Yeah, Krazy didn’t know any of Flavor’s songs by name. Shit. Flavor don’t got no damn songs. Ask that ditsy broad if she knew any Public Enemy shit. Either way, the best part of that entire confrontation was the debut performance of Three 6 Mafia’s newest soon-to-be-Academy-nominated single “Google It!”

    Quote of the day, however has to go to the Bishop. When asked about Beautuful, the nigga said: “She got a great future behind her.” Chuuuuch!

    On the same subject, the bouncer nigga that Nibblz had sprung couldn’t even talk! “Sh-she m-made my blood rise up!” Heh. She also made him go blind. What the fuck was up with homie? That Chino XL-lookin bodyguard took it in stride and didn’t act like he never got no ass before. This nigga was like The 50-Year-Old Virgin.

    Lloyd Banks was 2-for-2 in essentially calling Buckwild the rhyming cat from Heathcliff.

    Flavor enjoyed Bootzy Collins’ project-style confrontation of Krazy. “I respect a strong woman like that.” Oh, I see. Apparently you can act a complete ass in front of Flavor as long as you have titties and ass. Seriously, the one with the biggest knockers was gonna win that argument. He probably had both of them on mute in his mind.

    She got him Sprung like Joe Torry. Fuck T-Pain.

    Like Dat sealed her fate when she came into the room as Flavor was trying to enjoy his post-skeet afterglow and put on a full-service Lane Bryant commercial. Between him saying “1 of her thighs was like 2 of my body!” and “The Big One” song… I lost my shit like Somethin.

    Bootz took one for the team diving into that pool. Unlike Like Dat, she had a Dionne Warwick-edition weave to fuck up! And fuck it up she did. There was a tragedy on top of that dome when the date was done.

    Over the span of 10 seconds Flavor Flav compared sex to an eel slithering through seaweed and referenced Devonte Swing. Just thought that was something I should point out to you all that may have missed it.

    As the final commercial break approached, how did I know that New York was gonna be the special guest? CB4 looks and sounds like she’s been on the Whitney diet since last season ended.

    Oh, I can’t wait for next week.

    [email protected]
    Posted by Ron Mexico at September 5, 2006 10:15 AM

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