Do you love me now that I can dance? flavorflav-hydrotee.jpg In his apparently never-ending and televised quest to find a soulmate, Flavor is definitely covering the important bases again. We find that the nex,t most important characteristic of a Flavette-to-be is the ability to dance… and well. “Flavor of Love” is apparently about to begin a 2-part mini-saga I’d like to call “Showing Your Black Ass For The Stars.” Sorry, “Dancing” didn’t seem appropriate. Oh, our good friend Toastee! How we appreciate your snail trail on every surface you are mandated by contract to grace. You can tell Slimer’s been drinking since she was 12… like 5 years ago. These girls need to be on rationed alcohol consumption! Big Rick gotta start taking glasses away. Eh, fuck it. Let the alchies weed themselves out. Anyway, on to the premise of the episode. After effectively shitting on the self-inflicted minstrel show damage that was allowing Brigette Nielsen to act a god damn ass at a Public Enemy concert, he effectively convinces that he needs a woman in his life who can dance better than whatever you would call that. The part that fucked me up though was when he was introducing the dance instructors/stoochie squad leaders. “My man, ‘Tommy The Clown’—” Man, I damn near lost my shit. He introduced dude like it was normal or commonplace to see a god damn hospital clown in the middle of the living room or some shit. I say hospital clown because dude didn’t look much like a krumper to me. That was ‘bout the hoest krumpin I’ve ever seen. Nigga ain’t do shit but the Rerun. I was waitin for some "Rize" shit. My homeboy EOB alerted me that it was indeed Tone Loc in the clown costume and that I should chill on the negative feedback. Nigga’s doin his best. Buckeey was luckeey to be the certified video ho-fessional of her group because Toastee and Tyson didn’t stand a crack rock’s chance on Flav’s nightstand of surviving. They easily had the best performance though. It’s a damn shame they had to face off against Krazy and The Pussytrap Dolls. Tyson’s desperation attempt was also classic. “I am a far better stripper than I am a dancer.” You know it’s bad when Flavor doesn’t want his face that close to the gas chamber. “I wasn’t sure what might come out her ass.” Indeed, Flavor! Lest we forget, bitches been shittin! How did I know Flavor was gonna get all Tyrone Biggums polished up to take that poor girl to KFC? The coonery! The amount of money it must have cost to shut down the restaurant and indulge in all the Original Recipe romance the Colonel has to offer must eclipse the amount it would have cost to just take the girl to Roscoe’s or some shit. TGI Friday’s? Friendly’s? SOMETHING! I know you all peeped the hot tub scene! I wanted to vomit on the spot. Brother Valdez “kicked it up a notch” by removing the drizzaws. I was waiting for the bubbles to turn black. That is gross. I’m sorry. When you do that with Flavor Flav, you’re not playing a game anymore. I guess he’s putting these girls through Fear Factor. I don’t know how these girls can break the previous [conscious] record of 17 seconds, set by Brigette Nielsen, but damn… just put me in the coffin with the worms. Fuck it. As if going to the KFC parking lot for date #1 wasn’t enough, Flavor took A Ho Named Scarback to the damn cotton fields for some slave lovin’. That’s what this shit is to me now, Slaver of Love. My “The Color Purple” flashbacks were violently disturbed as the bright red gear they had on blinded me temporarily. You ain’t escaping the plantation looking like 2 big Kool-Aid packets. Massa was pretty smart with the wardrobe selection. As there was really no drama to speak of, Toastee apparently looked to create some. Feeling threatened by Nibblz’s lisp and cock-induced overbite, French Toast Sticks decided to spread some shit around the house (not in the Somethin' sense). For some reason she didn’t think that shit would get back to her. Her plan backfired miserably as Ms. Tyson immediately dropped dime that, as expected, Toastee is a porno chick. Flavor’s problem wasn’t so much that she was a porno chick, as he is surrounded by “innanet skrippers” and the like, but that she refused to come clean about it and he had to air out her Barely Legal flicks [NSFW] with the fingers where they not supposed to be… you know… not all publicized like that. Ironically, he sends this girl away for being a hoe-bag of sorts… when we all know that next episode is the official BET UnCut tryout. Any of these girls who have not yet experienced working in a BET UnCut environment will have ample opportunity shortly. I can’t wait. Free DJ Quik… and Warren G. [email protected] It's Method Man week, so we're gonna be discussing Mr. Mef in days to come. Also... the Petey Greene was for tomorrow. That was a mistake today. We'll go back to that one.

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I'll be posted more so if this one isn't for you, maybe the next one will be for you.

thanks problogger

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