I met a girl on the flight back from Virigina. Her name was Joy, she was a yogi. I would guess that she was half filipino, with long dark brown hair, medium skin tone and a sprinkling of freckles across her nose. She worked in non-profits and she was hoping to possibly get a job in Boston. In the course of practicing yoga and becoming a yogi she had learned a lot of sanskrit and started studying eastern thinking, such as the 8-fold path.

We had a long talk about everything: love, trust, the self as servant, community, betrayal, honor, Mars, yoga, the stratosphere, the Red Sox Nation, How to Win Friends and Influence People, how to choose a career, the edge of the Universe, focus on the inner self as a path towards understanding others, football, management, the One Laptop per Child Initiative, Iceland, and farmers markets, and inventions.

People who do yoga and go to farmer's markets are often posers and blind trend followers, I have found (they exist in a disproportionate number in my community), but Joy was refreshingly genuine. She found a real resonance in the Hindu form of spirituality, even though she wasn't Hindu herself. She was incredibly trusting of people, even to the point that they often took advantage of her. She was at the point where her initial innocence had been shattered, and she was looking for a way to put all of the pieces back together and examine why they had broken. There was something very poetic in the way she said it-- you could tell that she was one of those people who found great significance in small things, which I think is a requirement for any inspired poet. She said that she once saw two children walking home from the dollar store in a depressed neighborhood, carrying a large bag full of chips and dip and a carton of eggs between them and clearly enjoying each other's company and friendship. In her mind she imagined a back story for the two boys and their innocent, joy-filled friendship amid a troubled upbringing. Their chips and dip were for the football game that was on that day, and the eggs were for a grandmother. Someone honked at her and she realized that the light was green.

During our layover in Laguardia, she gave me an article about the difference between "transactional trust" (you have to give the mechanic your car for him to fix your brakes and trust him to actually fix them and not overcharge you) and "innate trust", that you have to maintain a purity inside yourself that is not tainted by the fact that your transactional trust will inevitably be broken. Your soul will not become shriveled, cynical, and bitter because of those who have failed you, instead, you will realize that you can (and should) maintain a sense of self and outlook that is completely divorced from the actions of other people, which are beyond your control. You can't undo the fact that the mechanic cheated you, but you can make sure his betrayal of your trust doesn't ruin the rest of your day.

At this point it goes into a description of "living in the eternal now" which is in a way how I view stoicism, only described differently. For example, I was listening to my friend and her boyfriend talking, and he said something completely neutral, "Did you call the restaurant to see if they were open?" and she exploded at him "I JUST CALLED THEM. I was literally JUST on the phone with them. Don't you remember ANYTHING? Weren't you LISTENING? Are you brain damaged????".

From my perspective, it was totally unwarranted, because nothing it what he had said deserved this response. From her point of view, she could say that it wasn't what he had said just then, but the fact that he ALWAYS SAYS THINGS LIKE THAT AND THE SUM OF ALL OF THESE THINGS MAKES ME WANT TO YELL AT HIM ARGGG!!!

The substance of the argument was very trivial, and I feel like many couples spend a lot of time fighting over trivial things and summing their reactions over all of the trivialities into meaning-laden sighs or tones of voice that erode the original sphere of love that existed when the relationship began.

If she had been able to live in the eternal now, she could remain aware of the past and the future but judge the situation as it really was, without the baggage she was attaching to it, and keep the hurtful or dismissive tone out of her response. After all, isn't her overarching desire to feel closer to him and improve their relationship in the long term?

When we got to the airport, we parted from Joy and my traveling partner S and I went to wait for his baggage. S had been spending the last 9 hours worrying that we were going to miss our flight, our connection, and our dinner. He had been worrying that his bag would get lost and then he would have to put in a claim and this delay would cause us to miss the last train home from Boston. We would have to take a cab which would be really expensive or call our friends in Boston, who might not be home, to ask them if we could stay there, or get a hotel.

I suggested that he try living in the eternal now.
He told me that he thought whoever wrote that article was definitely high.

In the end, the Universe delivered us safely to Providence that night.

Once I finished this entry, my phone rang. It was Christina.
"Hey, Jonathan. I'm coming over to your place right now.. what're you up to?"

"I'm I'm living in the eternal now."


» Dilated on 2008-11-17 05:25:04

She didn't get it.

Your new filipino friend sounds amazing. If not for our nuptial agreement, I'd be worried you'd leave me for the woman.

Who is this mysterious S? Is he related to L from Death Note? (-Nerd.)
» Dilated on 2008-11-17 05:26:30

(not really nerd.) I woke up at like 2 AM Sunday morning and it was on.
» Dilated on 2008-11-17 05:26:42

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