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So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
The Profile Zanzibar Age. 39 Gender. Female Ethnicity. that of my father and his father before him Location Altadena, CA School. Other » More info. The Weather The World The Link To Zanzibar's Past
This is my page in the beloved art community that my sister got me into: Samarinda Extra points for people who know what Samarinda is. The Phases of the Moon Module CURRENT MOON Writings
Poetry The Tree and the Telephone Pole The Spider I Do Not Know Their Names The Mouse Blindness La Plante The Moon Today I am Young A Night Poem Celestial Wandering Siren of the Sea If I Were a Dragon To the Dreamers Leave the Sky The Honor of the Oyster Return From San Diego War My Study Defeat A Late Summer's Night Of Dragons and Men Erebus The Edge of the World The Race Dragon's Spirit The Snake's Terror Spirit Island Metaphysics Metaphysica Transponderae Metaphysics and the Middaymoon Of Adventures in Foreign Lands The Rogue Wave: The Unedited Version Adventures in the PRC Voyage of Discovery Drinking the Blood of Goats Ticket for a Phantom Bus Os peixes nadam o mar Three Villages Far Away The River Weser Children I Should Have Kidnapped, Part I Let's Get You Out of Those Clothes Radishes Three-Piece-Lawsuit If Underwear Could Speak Croc Hunter/Combat Wombat
My hero(s) Only My Favorite Baseball Player EVER Aw, Larry Walker, how I loved thee. The Schedule
M: Science and Exploration T: Cook a nice dinner W: PARKOUR! Th: Parties, movies, dinners F: Picnics, the Louvre S: Read books, go for walks, PARKOUR Su: Philosophy, Religion The Reading List
This list starts Summer 2006 A Crocodile on the Sandbank Looking Backwards Wild Swans Exodus 1984 Tales of the Alhambra (in progress) Dark Lord of Derkholm Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? The Lost Years of Merlin Harry Potter a l'ecole des sorciers (in progress) Atlas Shrugged (in progress) Uglies Pretties Specials A Long Way Gone (story of a boy soldier in Sierra Leone- met the author! w00t!) The Eye of the World: Book One of the Wheel of Time From Magma to Tephra (in progress) Lady Chatterley's Lover Harry Potter 7 The No. 1 Lady's Detective Agency Introduction to Planetary Volcanism A Child Called "It" Pompeii Is Multi-Culturalism Bad for Women? Americans in Southeast Asia: Roots of Commitment (in progress) What's So Great About Christianity? Aeolian Geomorphology Aeolian Dust and Dust Deposits The City of Ember The People of Sparks Cube Route When I was in Cuba, I was a German Shepard Bound The Golden Compass Clan of the Cave Bear The 9/11 Commission Report (2nd time through, graphic novel format this time, ip) The Incredible Shrinking Man Twilight Eclipse New Moon Breaking Dawn Armageddon's Children The Elves of Cintra The Gypsy Morph Animorphs #23: The Pretender Animorphs #25: The Extreme Animorphs #26: The Attack Crucial Conversations A Journey to the Center of the Earth A Great and Terrible Beauty The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian Dandelion Wine To Sir, With Love London Calling Watership Down The Invisible Alice in Wonderland Through the Looking Glass 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea The Host The Hunger Games Catching Fire Shadows and Strongholds The Jungle Book Beatrice and Virgil Infidel Neuromancer The Help Flip Zion Andrews The Unit Princess Quantum Brain The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks No One Ever Told Us We Were Defeated Delirium Memento Nora Robopocalypse The Name of the Wind The Terror Sister Tao Te Ching What Paul Meant Lao Tzu and Taoism Libyan Sands Sand and Sandstones Lost Christianites: The Battles for Scripture and the Faiths We Never Knew The Science of God Calculating God Great Contemporaries, by Winston Churchill City of Bones Around the World in 80 Days, by Jules Verne Divergent Stranger in a Strange Land The Old Man and the Sea Flowers for Algernon Au Bonheur des Ogres The Martian The Road to Serfdom De La Terre � la Lune (ip) In the Light of What We Know Devil in the White City 2312 The First Fifteen Lives of Harry August Red Mars How to Be a Good Wife A Mote in God's Eye A Gentleman in Russia The Fatal Conceit: The Errors of Socialism Seneca: Letters from a Stoic | Life Sunday. 12.17.06 1:42 am I don't know what it is about this place. You know those kind of people who only hang around with people who are "cool"? Well, to be perfectly honest, I spent most of my life being considered "uncool" by those kinds of people. I wasn't usually mocked, or tortured, usually just completely ignored. This arrangement suited me just fine, but it also meant that I was never particularly choosy with my friends, because I needed all of them. Sometimes I just needed *a* friend, especially in middle school. All anyone needs in middle school is *a* friend. But for a long time, I didn't have one. I knocked around from table to table- they had the dreaded "only 8-person per lunch table" rule... which was the worst rule a middle school could impose, as you were immediately ejected from your seat with your "friends" if a cooler friend of theirs needed a place to sit. A one point I found a table. It was pretty secure, I was an old friend of one of the presiding members, Stacey. But she hated my friend Brenda. She thought she was so lame, uncool, talked about dumb things. She hated her, she didn't want to be seen sitting with her. Brenda was a free spirit, she liked unicorns and playing pretend and she had a rough home life and snored like a train. But she was my friend. She was one of those friends of mine that had been my friend when I had nobody else. So, for once, I made a hard decision and I stood up for Brenda against Stacey, and when they ejected Brenda from the table, I took a stand... and as a result they ejected me too. She was unhappy. She was miserable. She transferred schools. I was on my own again. Having once betrayed my old table, there was no going back, so I had to find someone new. I finally ended up sitting with the foreign kids, because even though the conversation was a little spare they didn't know how to tell me to go away. And if anyone needs a friend, it's a foreign kid, let me tell you. Being the foreign kid is one of the loneliest feelings in the world. I guess the point of this conversation is that lately, whether due to me becoming a more confident and charming person or just because I hang out with all nerds now (probably the latter), I've started to become accepted as one of the "cool kids". It's a weird feeling. It started a little bit in college but I was still not quite there. I really felt like a cool kid one day when I gave a performance in acting class and at track the next day this football player that the track girls liked came up to me after practice and said, "I really liked your scene yesterday. It was great." and then he didn't say a word to anyone else and left. I didn't even "like" him but just to see the look on the other girls' face could have given me unsinkable confidence for a month. The scene was so cliche it was delicious. But the only reason that was so satisfying is because everyone on the track team thought of me as "barely passable cool", even the younger kids. A little bit awkward, don't drink much... hang out with people that nobody "knows".... But now... now the "cool group" has been formed and by accident (and mostly by virtue of keeping my mouth shut) I'm in it. But I don't get it! They're so content to be their little group of cool, and they don't see those people who aren't in it. They don't see the people who fade into the shadows. They don't see the foreign kid and they never talk to him unless I talk to him first. It's like he's invisible. Everyone's invisible except the people they choose to see. But me... me. I AM one of those people. I LIVE in the shadows I LIVED on the sidelines I scraped the bottom of the barrel for a friend... JUST ONE friend. So I see them. And now my friends see it as some interesting trivialty about me that I go out of my way to include them in things we do. Because it never occurs to anyone except me. And it's so weird, because it's not like "the group" has so many people in it. It's not like they're so much more popular than everyone else. It's the difference between three friends and no friends at all. But that makes ALL the difference, doesn't it? I feel like I'm living in that movie, the 6th Sense. I see these people, I feel their pain, I see when they're upset and how they feel when they're not invited, when they're ignored, when people laugh and they think they're all laughing at them. They are me. And I know that the other people don't exclude them on purpose. They forget to invite them. They don't realize that they're talking. They are laughing at their own inside joke and they don't see how it looks to anyone else. They just don't notice that they exist, it's as simple as that. They see no further than their comfortable sphere, filled with people who are good enough for them, and they don't need anybody else. Well let me tell you: you ALWAYS need EVERYONE. You can't afford to turn down the chance to have a friend. Or at least, I can't. I'm not that rich. I'll never be that rich. Even though I might mean I leave the table. It's worth it, even eventually my friend leaves me. I know how to fend for myself. I've been on my own before. 1 Comments. You'll never be that rich? Hm... I don't know about that. I was the foreign kid, by the way. I had 7 different elementary schools, 2 middle schools, one highschool, but by that time the damage had already been done. Not to mention being an "only child" through this doesn't make it any easier. It's kinda sad, but I have issues with friends now. I don't just expect for them to leave my life, but I wait. It's inevitable. You see, I DID make friends. I became more and more charming every time I moved, only to have to say goodbye in the end. By highschool I was too bitter. Come college I dropped all my charming. So, now it's hard to make friends. Not too many people appreciate blunt honesty... But I wish you good luck look through this. You are very admirable. Many would forget that they were ever any poorer once good fortune comes their way. » elessar257 on 2006-12-17 06:23:30
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