I'm baaaack :) And here's what it took:

• I came to terms with myself. I'm not the smartest. I'm not the funniest. I'm not the best looking. I'm not..."cool." And I can't pretend like that doesn't bother me sometimes, but that's the key. Sometimes. The times when I let it. I keep being a dumbass and forgetting that I have friends who love me for not being the smartest, funniest, or best looking.
• I found new inspiration. And I need to keep finding them.
• I watched Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers tonight with my mother. I also watched How to Train Your Dragon (again) with my family. I also went to a midnight dinner with my family, because my dad just came back from San Diego. There are two things to take from this: 1.) I love movies. I love imagination. I need to keep imagining things, because it's IDEAS that go beyond what we can explain with human science. It proves to me that there's something bigger than can be described by poking around at a brain. 2.) I love my family. Lately we've been doing a lot of things together, and talking. Not about school or college or success, but just about each other. And laughing. I've never had that before.
• I visited the other side for a second time. I felt like a failure, and wort of all...alone. I truly believed that I was too tired and too alone to get back on my feet, but it happened anyway. It proved to me that there really is a reason to have faith in the way of the world no matter what.
• Music.
• People who surprised me by showing how much they care
• I slowed down

There are two different levels on which a person should be content. On the first level, a person should never be content. This is with themselves. Being content with yourself means you stop growing, you stagnate, and you continue to enjoy the same patch of grass until the both of you eventually wither away and die. Never be content with yourself. But the second level is one on which you should always be content, and that is with another person. That's what I'm still looking for.

I'm happy again because even though I'm not perfectly content, I'm strong enough to keep pursuing it. And I'm happy again because I feel like I'm so close to being free.

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