mood: tired
word of the day: intolerant
listening to: Danzig- How The Gods Kill
I decided today that I am going to put my pentacle background on here. I love the way this looks... I stumbled upon a way to superimpose one image over another with project dogwaffle (don't laugh... it's AWESOME...) and so I have been playing around with it I can take any simple line drawing such as the pentacle as long as it is white with a black background. and superimpose it over any of my electronic tie-dyes.. or probably any other image.... it's kinda cool...

In Other News

My friend from Idaho is here and we've been really busy. So i haven't had much of a chance to update this thing... I've also had my friends two kids all weekend so she could have her surgery without them bugging her all the time. The Little Rodents... i mean... children ( 10 and 12) drove me absolutely nuts... i regret ever showing Angelina how to use the internet on the comp upstairs because now she pesters me nonstop with instant messages.. Are you there.... are you ignoring me... talk to me... type something. It's hard enough talking to her face to face... i don't really need her pestering me with IM's too... especially when i'm talking to three other people, trying to finish up a project and downloading music too. She's really gonna hate it when i start playing Diablo... I didn't drink before this... but i just might start if this keeps up
I had my niece for a while the other day too.... that was... fun. We had a great time till she pissed off the dog... he bit her.... My sister called it a disciplinary nip.... i call it my dog being an asshole....If he ever did go apeshit and attack someone.... he would really hurt them... especially my 2... almost 3 year old niece... he's a bull mastiff of massive proportions... and she's a kid. We now put the dog in his pen when someone comes over.
Anyhow... there's the rundown on my weekend. Hope y'all had more fun than i did.....

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word of the day: solitude
listening to: Marilyn Manson The Beautiful People
mood: pensive and sad
Been gone a while... inside.. i feel like i'm slowly slipping away... my doctopr appointment was good though.... they changed my meds around... and i am hoping i feel better soon. I can't take much more of this insanity ... i really really can't..... I hardly eat these days... i sleep either a lot... or very little.... and i feel really bitchy ALL the time.... so i guess the new meds have to be an improvement... I've been really isolating myself... which isn't all that good for me... btu it beats going out and getting loaded.... it really does... I am going to talk to rusty and see about me getting outta the house by myself a little more often than i do.... hell.. i hardly go anywhere WITH somneone... so going somewhere alone would be a vast improvement.... i can't go on living like this.. keeping myself locked away in my computer room day in and day out like I do.... but where the hell would i go???? That's the question.... i don't really like going to the mall... i usually buy a lot of stuff at Wal-mart.. so taking the bus isn't practical.... I don't really have a purpose for going to the park or anything... so what do i do... i hate watching movies.... ...*sigh*.. i'll think of something... I'm sure

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mood: depressed as hell
listening to: Rage Against The Machine
words of the day: FUCK!!!! ... and.. FUCK YOU!!!
Wow.... I am not feeling too spiritual today... i am feeling soooo withdrawn.... i can't stand to be around people.... not even rusty... cause if i am not around him... i can't take this horrible feeling of... nothingness... out on him. I love him so much... i don't want to hurt him. I think this is part of the withdrawal from my Prozac... which i had to stop taking because of the migraines it was giving me... and i want ot take it all out onhim... and i don't... because i love him.... more than anything... and i don't want to hurt him...... so i dunno where this is all supposed to go..... i can't do the things i used to do... cause they are 1. unhealthy 2. Very noticeable and 3. potentially life threatening

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listening to: Audioslave
mood: tired
The FUNNIEST thing happened to me yesterday. I was feeding one of my dogs (We have three) cream of chicken soup off my spoon. (I was done with it) My 6 month old puppy(Tailgate) happened to get in the way..... and proceeded to get a big dollop of soup on his nose.... well... i dunno what you think... and i suppose you really had to be there.... but none of the other dogs noticed a big blob of really good smelling light colored soup... on the black nose of a mostly black puppy... SO finally.. after about 20 minutes of laughing at this poor little soup nosed puppy... i stuck Tailgate's face right under Lucy and Havoc's nose thereby creating a potentially chaotic scene.... So now... the two big dogs are trying to lick this big blob of soup off this poor little puppy who is just trying to escape with his nose intact due to the fact that he couldn't SEE the blob of soup... so finally... the soup is gone..... but Lucy and Havoc want to make sure... so they're trying valiantly to pin down this squirming little puppy ( whom i have nicknamed Weezle because of his squirmy sneaky ways of getting where he's not supposed to be.) and thoroughly clean the poor little dogs nose. Well.. the final result of this fiasco was me... on the floor wondering how the i got there... covered in creamy chicken soup with three dogs licking the soup off me.... it was QUITE amusing.

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word/phrase of the day: anxiety attack??
listening to: Pantera
mood: slow, muddled, confused
disconnectedness..... I really feel like i'm not a part of anything.... and everything is slow motion. nothing seems real.... i think it's cause i have been sleeping funny lately.......*sigh* anyway... i'm alive.... so it's all good.....

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mood: sad
listening to: the radio
I am losing some of my most trusted friends..... first ken (Clean_Date1) now e-bunny and soon Christie.... this isn't fair..... why are they all leaving me???? I hate it... I am soooo in touch with my mortality right now... and i can't help but think that someday... it's gonna be me... what I am... and what i wanted out of life... won't matter anymore.... *sigh*

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