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HOPE
Thursday. 12.4.08 6:17 pm
v. hoped, hop�ing, hopes

v. intr.

To wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment.
Archaic To have confidence; trust.
v. tr.

To look forward to with confidence or expectation: We hope that our children will be successful.
To expect and desire. See Synonyms at expect.
n.
A wish or desire accompanied by confident expectation of its fulfillment.
Something that is hoped for or desired: Success is our hope.
One that is a source of or reason for hope: the team's only hope for victory.
often Hope Christianity The theological virtue defined as the desire and search for a future good, difficult but not impossible to attain with God's help.
Archaic Trust; confidence.

[Middle English hopen, from Old English hopian.]
hop'er n.







So, I got a library card awhile ago. With that I've been reading. Mostly comic books, but the other kind as well. The kind that are big and bulky and announce to the world "I have ideas and other worlds stored away in here". At least that's what they say to me. The books, not the people.

The last two I've read have left dents. Not big ones, no. Tiny ones that can only be seen when you shine the light in a certain direction. "The Year of Living Biblically" by A.J. Jacobs has reached the higher ranks of my list. It was....well, inspired. It's not what you think either. A book written by an agnostic jewish man has perhaps restored a little bit of my faith - whatever it is. Julie and Julia is the one i'm in now. I don't know who it's by, my book is resting on the table and if i move from this exact spot on the bed i lose internet connection. But, it's about a woman who is stuck. She's married, she's living in a crappy apartment, and she hates her job. Her life isn't what it thought it was going to turn out like. So, she decides to go through Julia Child's "Mastering the Art of French Cooking" in one year. She'll cook everything. Through it she finds discovery and self worth. A little "Chick Flick-y" i'm told but at the moment, i.don't.care.

I also talked to Carlos today. A friend from High School, we went through college the college experience together via telephone. He went off to Notre Dame and I went off to UNT. They both had their ups and downs. Since he's been graduated (July) he hasn't even applied for any kind of job yet. He has been staying at home taking care of the house. That's alot of tuition money that is currently doing laundry for a family of 6. That's not the case however. The call started about the movie/book Twilight. It quickly spiraled, as usually does with friends. He's proud of me and wishes he was in my place. That stopped me cold. Cold. He wishes he was in my place? I still haven't gradauated and am living check to check. But he does. He called it "trecking my own path". I told him how i'm sometimes jealous of other people's more normal paths. He retaliated with "yeah, but how normal is that?". I felt....proud. I felt humbled. I felt regenerated. (the nap may have helped) It also just plain felt nice to know that I really am not alone. I mean, I know i'm not the only one going through it - but it always seems like i am you know? Maybe you don't.

I guess I'd lost sight a little bit. I was so focused on the now that I forgot why or what it is I was doing.



I'm going home in 2 1/2 weeks. I'll be home for Christmas. My bed, my streets, my yard, my old haunts. It'll all be so familiar. It'll be home.

(It'll also be riddled with relatives so if the next time I write I don't sound this happy about being home - that'll be why. lol)
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