is that all you blighters can do?
The song seemed to fit with a little tweaking.

We argued like we haven't argued in awhile. I guess it started last night though we got over that fairly quickly. Us arguing is not the point however. What he said holds weight and what I think holds weight as well. It's all in fact very weighty. But, that doesn't make it any less important and meaningful. I suppose it is something that has been trying to be assimilated into my personality for awhile now. I keep resisting and I don't know why. Before I begin to ramble....let me fill you in.

Self Worth. Self Acceptence. Insecurities.
I have issues with these things. Why you may ask? Childhood experiences, adult experiences, my own sometimes twisted perception on life and my role in it. Have these things affected me? Yes. Sometimes in subtle ways other times....in very serious ways. He just doesn't want any permanent damage done to me. I understand that. In the end, I suppose i'm either scared or may have possibly just given up hope.

I watched Penelope with Christina Ricci and James McAvoy the other day. The message was there. "I like myself the way I am". Besides it being a visually beautiful movie and (while a little chessy) a fun feel good movie, it had a message that hit home. Can I be happy by myself? Probably. Perhaps it's simply my indisiviceness (sp?) that is holding me back. My shyness. My wall flower personality. Once you get to know me i'm only those things rarely. But, it takes a desire to want to get know me before anything.

Fear. Fear of what? What am I scared of? That people won't like me? That perhaps I'm NOT wrong? Eh, it sounds very plausible. My personality (and on occasion everything else about me) feels like penelope when she's hiding behind the glass. As if when these outside people finally saw her that they would run away. It's happened before so it's not a totally out there thought, but it's not always true and it never stopped her from stepping out from behind the glass. I guess I've stayed in my own little word behind glass for so long that now i'm scared of the outside. What it'll do. Perhaps all I need is a scarf and a ride on a vespa.



I guess he's right and i'm right. Because i'm tired of being behind the glass. She didn't leave until she knew there was at least one person who wouldn't run away at the first sight of her. Perhaps both are needed for the glass to be removed. Well, I guess the first move has been made and it's now my turn to step out. I'm scared, but there's always the off chance that it won't be so bad and i might even enjoy myself. Wouldn't that be something. If that happens, i'll never hear the end of it though.....lol.



Now the question becomes: Since I don't have a literal wall of glass, how do I accomplish such said walking out from behind the glass? Well, I'll make it my goal to come up with an answer before next Friday. Yep. That sounds good.

Sorry, you do not have permission to comment.

If you are a member, try logging in again or accessing this page here.