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blue diamonds moving on a green field
Wednesday. 11.15.06 2:04 pm
What is this feeling so sudden and new?
I felt the moment I laid eyes on you

my pulse is rushing
my head is reeling
my face is flushing

What is this feeling fervid as a flame?
Does is have a name?
YES!

loathing.
unadulterated loathing




Could it be that there's a point of hope? Some island in this ocean I've put myself in? A place of refuge from the storm? Is it too much to hope for? Too good to be true? We'll see one way or another.
Some friends from High School are coming into town this weekend. It'll be good to see my apartment filled with people and hopefully laughter. Of all the things in this world that I hate and fear - it's an empty house. Especially if it's my empty house.
I've been going to XA and I plan on going alot more. They seem like such good people, through and through. Of course looks can be decieving - but I'm willing to find out. I've been talking to them about some of my general problems, and Alot of them have been praying for me - it brings me some small measure of comfort. I noticed yesterday though, that I feel small when I'm around them. I'm dwarfed by them in so many ways that I feel completely inadequate. I think that's why I haven't been going as much as I said I would - or as much as I should.

I hate that I don't have anything to say.
I love words and yet they hate me.




"I wouldn't say that you're plain. I think a lot of your problems are rooted in your inexplicable desire to please people when you go out and do something. You don't need to be the smartest person or the most hard working or anything like that. You just need to do what you love to do independent of what anyone else thinks."
HOW?!
3 Comments.


All I've ever known is an empty house.
When there's more than 2 people in it I get weirded out. Especially if it's for an extended period of time.
» elessar257 on 2006-11-15 02:31:34

Banner..
Your banner has inspired me to make one of my own... :)
» kkama67 on 2006-11-15 06:37:19

my room mate just said that last paragraph to me, not more than 15 minutes ago.

and I am also a blue october fan. I almost went to see them but I had some other plan that day that i forgot about or something. sad. I have all their CDs.

:)
» of_your_mind on 2006-11-15 09:28:54

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