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I should be sleeping 'stead of dreamin...
Sunday. 10.15.06 3:04 am
I love that song...

Do you ever feel like you're a roadblock? Am I alone in this? That every once in awhile you feel like you're the reason something didn't happen? That somehow, in some way you prevented something that should have happened from happening? And if that's so - then by whose hand did that happen? I mean, is that a question of free will? Did I choose to be this roadblock? Or is it more like I was placed here as a roadblock for some reason? If so, who put me here? Am I a good road block? Like a detour around a particularly bad peice of road? I mean, I've had some pretty good detours in my day (our roads back home and in the country side there aren't exactly up to speed). But then again...could I be a bad roadblock? Like when you really need to get somewhere fast and there's this detour that makes you inescapabely late and you miss whatever it was that you were supposed to get to? On another somewhat silimar note, sometimes I feel like I have a roadblock inside me. Well, I guess you could call it more of a wall. Recently friends have been coming to me with issues. Well, technically friends have ALWAYS come to me with issues - back in the day people I hardly ever talked to would come to me for advice. Why? I dunno - I mean it's not likeI have alot of experience in....well, anything really, but for whatever reason - they did. Anyway, they've been coming to me with issues and I honestly feel like I just can't find what anyone is looking for. Not even a soulution to their problem but a way to help them find it. I think it could be what Aldo said, it's just in a new situation, a new location you find out new stuff about you. I'm trying to figure me out and I don't know how, so since i'm a bit sketchy - everything I think and say is a bit sketchy. Do I even make sense? Why am I even thinking this at 2:30 in the morning?

If you're still reading this - I'm impressed.

In other news, I'm kind of miffed. So during work all this stuff apperently went down. Two very good friends of mine are having issues with 'relationships' and both were talking to me (via text message) about it. One is having lack of love issues, the other is overwhelemed by love coming at her from all sides.

I've said it before and I'll say it again....Pluto.

So after work I went out to Chili's with Amanda. I talked to Pri for a little bit on the drive home and talked her through her issue. I'm pretty sure I busted her bubble in a really big way, but I tend to do that alot with her. She has a HORRIBLE habit of cheating and while her current boyfriend i'm not particularly fond of - he's a good, loyal guy. She's already done wrong by him (in a HUUUUUUGE way) and he forgave and took her back. Now there's like 4 other guys that want to be with her and she's considering all of them. I think she basically just wanted me to tell her that it was 'ok' for her to talk to these guys. I told her it's not fair to them, it's not fair to her and it's beyond unfair to Joe. I'm sorry - that's just wrong. Not the point though. The point here is I went to Chili's with Amanda, she called Julia, we went back to Amanda's apartment and hung out. I love my girls - I really honestly do, but sometimes the stuff we talk about, their ideas and the way they view me kinda makes me a little mad/sad. Speaking of which, I found out today that one of my workers (soon to be ex-coworkers) does the same thing I do!! When she gets mad she cries and then it makes her sad that she's crying which leads to more crying which means WE BOTH HATE CRYING! I dont' think I've met another girl that has that same thing...it's nice to know you're not alone sometimes. Off topic. So yea, I mean they basically think i'm a dumbass. No I mean it literally they take the few things that I do and blow them up times 10 which is what all my friends back home do too. I mean, don't get me wrong - I'm a nerd, I'm clumsy, and sometimes I say things without thinking or in a way that could be misconstrued - I get it. But they turn EVERYTHING I say into something to laugh at or joke about. One day I'd like not to be laughed at so much. *shrug*

So today I told my friend that I'm a virgin. I dont' know why this has become such an issue with me recently. I mean, it's not like it's a NEW issue or anything...lol. I guess just because it's been brought up? I dunno. Anyway, when I told her that I hadn't even kissed a boy she was beyond shocked and was said "well, all we need to do is take you out, get you drunk and then you can just make out with the first guy you see". Yea, cause that sounds a)romantic b)plausable and c)a fun story to tell my kids when they finally ask when my first kiss was. I don't know, I guess I was expecting a different response than that. I don't know. I don't care. I mean, it's not like I have this HUGE issue with never being romantically linked to anyone. Don't get me wrong though, i'd LOVE to be, but I guess it's just since I don't know what i'm missing......I don't miss it. Eh.....What will be will be. Right?
Recommended by 1 Member
Helena
1 Comments.


That's what happens when you have slut friends.
» elessar257 on 2006-10-16 01:15:20

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